Lesley in Hong Kong

Hidden Extras - Hong Kong Property 'haunted house'

25 Cromwell Street, Gloucester  - demolished

Seriel Killer's Homes are not desirable

If there is, say, a man arrested and subsequently charged with murdering at least 11 women over a number of years we are able to read about such a heinous crime in the newspapers.  As was the case of Fred West and his wife Rosemary.  Biography of West Their house, pictured above, was the scene of the murders and was demolished in an effort to rid the neighbourhood of the legacy of such an evil couple.  The not so publicised reason for the demolition was to prevent the property prices being negatively effected in the area.  I doubt that any estate agent's particulars would mention the fact that Cromwell Street was once the home of a serial killer?   That isn't what any one wants from a des res.

Independent 1995

Buying and Selling uk/hk

Having dipped my toe into the Hong Kong property market quite recently I am becoming familiar with the system of buying and selling compared with the system in the UK.  It is quite different, a little bit more scary - no actually much more scary. 

Exchange of Contracts

In the UK a house can be on the market with an agent and if someone wants to put an offer in then the vendor can accept that offer.  Both parties then approach their solicitor to begin the legal conveyancing process.  No one is actually legally obliged to complete the purchase ie. pay for it, until exchange of contracts takes place.  The exchange may not take place for months and so at any time either party can withdraw from the agreed sale or purchase.  This can be disappointing and frustrating but nothing can be done when this happens. 

In Hong Kong once an offer has been accepted the purchaser must immediately stump up a deposit of 5% of the agreed price and two weeks later another 5% must be paid when an official Assignment is signed with an agreed date for the completion to take place and also when the rest of the money is handed over.

If either party decides not to continue with the sale or the purchase the deposit is forfeited by the purchasers and they are legally bound to pay the double deposit to the vendor.  If the vendor decides not to sell they must return the deposit plus the same amount again to the potential purchaser as compensation for withdrawing from the agreement.   See - scary isn't it?

Valuation

Another aspect which is different, is the valuation of property.  In the UK an Estate Agent will come and have a look at your property, tape measure in hand, and will poke about in your roof space, garage and bathrooms tutting and humming as he values your pride and joy, your home sweet home, your castle.   Once a valuation price has been established it will go on the market for that price.  If someone then wants a mortgage to purchase the property a qualified representative of the bank or building society will call around with a bigger tape measure and do more tutting and perhaps humphing at damp proof courses and roof insulation thicknesses.  Only after that quite thorough inspection will you be offered money to make the purchase.

Virtual Valuation

In Hong Kong the valuation of a property is done either online or over the phone.  No one from the Estate Agency or the Bank will actually view the property or even care what state it is in but will come up with a price.  The valuations are done based on the square footage and sales of similar properties in the area.  Not really that skillful or accurate in my opinion.  So if you spend pots of cash on that lovely new bathroom with Italian fittings it means bugger all and will have little impact on the bank valuation. 

Death List

There is also one other issue I have just become aware of which does effect the valuation of property in Hong Kong and that is the 'haunted house', haunted meaning if any one has ever died in the property. 

Unlucky Number

As we all know the Chinese are very superstitious and any mention of the word death or dead or even just a word that sounds a bit like it ( the number 4 or 14 for instance) must never be uttered.  So there will be no house number 4 or 14 in a street, there will be no tower number 4 or 14 in a block of high rise buildings and no 4 or 14 apartment on floor 4 or 14.  

 

As well as that there is a published list of so called 'haunted houses' so that potential buyers can see if anyone ever died in the place they are considering buying.  If someone did die then it will mean the valuation is lower than the surrounding properties. 

Here is the link to the 'Haunted House' list Check this before making an offer

It is depressing reading and there are far too many 'jumpers' who committed suicide.  It is a fact that the preferred method of suicide in Hong Kong is either burning charcoal in an enclosed room so the fumes kill, or jumping from a high building and there are a lot of tall buildings in these parts.

Unlike the West's house, which has now disappeared from the street, it is not possible to demolish an apartment in a huge tower block so what happens to these 'haunted houses'?  Do people buy them at a lower prices and live happily ever after or do they avoid them and they remain empty for years...

 

 

Street Food Beijing Wangfujing Street

Scorpion on a stick!

                                                                                                  Chili Sparrows

 

More scorpions, star fish and sea horses - on a stick.  Are you getting the culinary theme now?

 

 

 

 

 

I had a trip to Beijing.  The food was terrific and so, as is the way in Asia I took photographs of the food and have posted them for your delight.  Some are on Facebook, obviously, because that is the sole reason for its existence.  ie  Go out to eat, take photos of your plate of food (even if it looks like dog vomit) and then post the image on Facebook to show everyone just what a good time you had.

The street market at Wangfujing Street had some delicious snacks (I could have put snakes there for a hilarious typo but it would have been true not a joke) which reminded me of the scene from Monty Python's Life of Brian "Rat on a stick" - I know you understand my inter-textual reference because you are clever.  The People's Front

I have to tell that I couldn't actually eat anything that looked like a bug or a small bird especially when some of them were still wriggling their poor little legs.  They were not dead just speared on a stick and waiting to be grilled. 

 

I did try the toffee coated strawberries though and can highly recommend them.

Advice to Women/Advice to Men - Magazine Problem Page

It's mandatory you know?

Reading women's magazines that is. 

Thrilling Work

My theory is based on the female gender but I suspect that men read them too.   Since my teens I have been flicking through their glossy pages, be it a Marie Claire or a Cosmopolitan, Woman & Home or Good Housekeeping,  or even an OK (which I never buy, but always look at when someone else does).  Such publications have been on the newspaper stands for decades and I imagine, like Ugly Betty, that their offices are crammed full of people who are busily involved in putting them together every month.  It must be thrilling to get a story together, arrange the photograph shoot, make appointments with tall moody models and sintilatingly exciting celebrities for interview? 

Or is it...

After extensive research into the subject I find that they are a series of repeated material because month after month they base their substantial pages on:-

a) extensive advertising, but that goes without saying

b) pages of fatuously useles advice about hair products thinly veiled as advertising for hair products

c)  losing weight, thinly veiled messages to all readers that they are too fat

d) photographs of thin models to make all readers feel depressed see point c).

As we all clearly understand the only single reason for purchasing a magazine is the problem page.  As a Jackie reading teenager me and friend Debbie would read the letters to Aunty Agony and laugh out loud (note how I wrote that in full) but never ever would we even consider reading the answer.  They were all totally obvious problems about complextion (spots) or boyfriends (has he noticed me yet) or girlfriends (he has noticed her not me).

Stuff you Can't Afford

As I grew I progressed to Cosmopolitan or even Marie Claire, the situation remained the same, as in the articles are the same every month, hair, diet, and pictures of stuff you can't afford.  Don't get me started on articles about the perfect bra...

The problem page has always remained the most interesting and I have to admit to still never reading the answers.  Cosmopolitan

Recently in Cosmo we have this question:-

 

Have We Drifted Apart?

I have a best friend of four years.  She was there for me in a bad time when nobody else was.  Now I am at college miles away and I have a job with some really great people.  When I ask if she wants to visit and come out with us she never does.  I feel like I've moved on but she hasn't.  What do I do?

Obviously I'm not going to tell you what Irma said in reply because its up to you to fill in that part yourself given your vast life experience and intelligence.  And also because it is a vacuous letter that doesn't warrant an answer.

However, I have now discovered MEN's magazines and in particular Esquire where I find that A.A.Gill is the Agony Aunt under the pen name of Uncle Dysfunctional and find his responses to be most satisfying and I hope you do too?  Uncle Dysfunctional

Dear Uncle,
It’s spring-ish. Please, what’s the definitive rule on shorts?

Edgar, Soho

I’m so pleased you asked me, Ed. It’s never after 12. Years, not o’clock.

No 13-year-old or over should ever be seen in trousers that finish above the ankle. It doesn’t matter how good your legs are, or if you’re on a beach in Bermuda where they invented the things.

This isn’t about tan or temperature. This is about dignity. It is impossible to be taken seriously in shorts. No one has ever cared about anything said by a man in shorts.

You can propose marriage naked or in handcuffs, but no one is going to agree to forsake all others for a man in shorts. You can’t declare war in shorts or deliver a eulogy in shorts.

Shorts are silly. Men in shorts are silly men. And silly is the very worst thing a man can be.

So my research I recommend Men's Magazines over Women's Magazines given that this advice is so much more practical, honest and worth reading.

The Temperature in Hong Kong Cinemas is too cold

I have just returned from a visit to the cinema at Mega Box, Kowloon Bay.  I saw  Wrath of the Titans  in 3D and I could write at length about the irritation of wearing the silly glasses and constantly jumping in an alarmed way when rocks, spears and snot nosed monsters appeared to be landing on my lap.  I don't think 3D is the future although I certainly do enjoy the IMAX experience.  Can I have the IMAX experience without the silly glasses please?

More importantly it is the freezing temperature of the cinema that I need to complain about.  I have special cinema clothes which I wear for such an outing regardless of the weather outside.   Hong Kong cinemas are so uncomfortably freezing cold that previous miserable cold shivering experiences have taught me that I must don my North Face jacket, woolly hat with ear flaps and compulsory thermal underwear in order to get through a movie. 

I have tried complaining to the staff and asked them to turn down the air conditioning so that they save money and keep me warm.  I have been told I can hire a jacket for $100.  I protested and missed bits of the plot in my attempts to creep to the front to, yet again, plead with the staff to raise the temperature so it is not necessary for the audience to wear ski clothes so they can watch a movie in a comfortable environment.

This situation has being going on for far too long.

It is typical of Hong Kong to ignore such environmental factors.

Confirmation that Speedos should be worn by all men

St. Kilda's Beach Australia

Please watch the Man dancing to LMFAO with his boom box.

 

Speedos - My Confession

I will not back down on this subject.  Speedos are good.  Speedos make sense.  Watch the video of the guy in Australia.  And obviously no one complained when David Wilkie won his gold medal at the Olympics wearing said perfectly acceptable swim wear.

 

 

 

Lady Gaga Hong Kong ticket sales unfair

I am not in with the in crowd.

I am not an American Express credit card holder.

I really thought that if the tickets to see Lady Gaga went on sale today then that is what it would mean.

I was SO wrong.

All sold out.

I really do think that if you camped out on the street to buy the tickets then you deserve one, but pre sales to American Express card holders....STINKS

Private Lives, McAulay Studio Theatre, Wanchai, Hong Kong

The comic masterpiece by Noel Coward The man

Private Lives

February 22nd-25th, 2012

McAulay Studio Theatre, Wanchai, Hong Kong  Website

Adam Harris, Director and Elyot Chase and much much more

Noel Coward (1899-1971) wrote Private Lives What Wikipedia says over the course of just four days while recovering from illness at the Peace Hotel in Shanghai. 

(Tenuous Hong Kong link)  He typed up his final manuscript while staying at the Peninsula Hotel in Kowloon. 

After a provincial tour the play had its London opening at the Phoenix Theatre on 24th September, 1930 with Coward himself as Elyot and Gertrude Lawrence as Amanda.  Victor was played by a very young Laurence Olivier.

In this satire the affectations and polite manners of the upper crust in the 1930s are exposed, and ultimately shattered, by giving the audience an intimate glimpse of life behind closed doors.  It shows that the human condition has no class boundaries so the horrors of domestic violence, drug and alcohol abuse and the inevitable breakdown of a relationship is just as pathetic for the upper classes as it is for the participants of a Jeremy Kyle talk show.  I am quite sure that the twists and turns of Elyot and Amanda's relationship have been used in every soap opera from Coronation Street to Dallas.

The farcical sequence of events the four main characters are subjected to are comedic, but just like a member of a Jeremy Kyle audience, squirmingly uncomfortable to witness.  Snorting cocaine, face slapping, drink slinging and bottle breaking are there to shock and seduce. 

The close proximity of the audience to the cast in the McAuley Studio creates an intimate feel.  To witness a drama performance  in this way makes the experience highly engaging.  Watching Elyot and Amanda being intimate on their sofa, as if at home, almost made me want to avert my eyes.  Were we eves-dropping, spying on them?  Were we supposed to be there so involved in the sexual tension?  Seeing them relaxing, guard down in night wear, a smidgen away from nakedness?

It was particularly enjoyable to see Adam Harris in his pyjamas and especially thrilling to see him with such a dapper, slicked-back,  hair cut.  He is captivating to watch and, when dressed,  his costume was elegant and stylish.   Surely the driving force in this production.

Who on earth dressed Amanda?  The opening scene featured a very flimsy black full length petticoat which was badly made and ill-fitting.  She left the scene to 'slip on a dress' and entered with an even worse cream shiny number, again flimsy, badly made and ill-fitting but this time the zip had broken.  I know it is easy to get things made in Hong Kong - so why not get something substantial that fits?  The awful dresses would probably not have been so noticeable if it hadn't been for the dreadful nylon wig which had a greeny, yellow tinge and in no way could have been mistaken for real hair - forget the wig go with your real hair!

The character of Sibyl was truly annoying. She was meant to be irritating, spoilt, immature and asian.  She succeeded.

Private Lives produced and directed by the irrepressible and dapper Adam Harris, the George Clooney of Hong Kong, was an excellent and brave production.  I highly recommend going to see future performances or productions where Adam is involved.

 

Coming soon Vincent, a one-man show about the artist Vincent van Gogh in May

 

 

 

Stuff White People Like by Christian Lander

 

 

I saw this and thought "It must mean me?"

Hooked by this title I read on...  to a point it is very true and full of witertaining observations from a white, western point of view although it is based on the assumption that all white people live in America and have an affinity to Canada so that part fell on stony ground for me, and to some extent also assumes a maleness and even possibly an under 40sness.  I'm just saying!

He has a website also full of wise words about 'stuff' Stuff White People Like and if you like that you might also like a quick surf at White Whine.com A Collection of First-World Problems  which puts 'stuff' into perspective for those rich spoilt brats out there.

Here is a snippet from SWPL

Outdoor Performance Clothes

As white people get older, they like to have clear boundaries between their professional and personal lives.   They don't mind talking about their personal life at work, but they hate talking about their work life when they are enjoying a weekend or vacation.  But with BlackBerry's and laptops, white people could be working anywhere, at any time.  So how do you know when they are off the clock?  It's easy;  just check their clothes.

When white people aren't working, they generally like to wear outdoor performance clothes.  The top suppliers of these garments and accessories include North Face, REI, Mountain Equipment Co-Op, Columbia Sportswear and Patagonia.  When you see white people wearing these brands, it is important that you do not discuss business matters.  Instead you should say things like 'Where did you get that fleece?" and "What's that thing holding your keys to your shorts?" White people will be more than happy to talk to you about their sustainably produced possessions.

The main reason white people like these clothes is that they allow them to believe that at any moment they could find themselves with a Thule rack on top of their car headed to a national park.  It could be 4:00pm on a Saturday when they might get the call. "Hey, man, you know what we need to do?  Kayak then camping, right now.  I'm on my way to get you.  There is no time to change clothes."

Though this is unlikely that they will ever receive this call, white people hate the idea of missing an opportunity to enjoy outdoor activities just because they weren't wearing the right clothes.

If you plan on spending part of your weekend with a white person, it is strongly recommended that you purchase a jacket or some sort of 'high-performance' T-shirt, which is like a regular shirt, just a lot more expensive.

Cold Weather Warning - Hong Kong

A terrible bout of cold, wintry weather is affecting Hong Kong.  The temperatures have plummeted to extremely low levels causing the Hong Kong Observatory and the Hong Kong Weather Channel to issue 24 hours warnings about what to do during this cold snap.  A COLD WEATHER WARNING has been issued.

via lesleycroftblog.typepad.com

Viz Educational Recruitment

Viz Adult Comic

 

I just had to share these spoof adverts from this months Viz.  I am thinking of applying!

 

Rutland Council Schools Service

WANTED

Large-Breasted Female English Teacher   24-30K

A busy boys-only secondary school in Oakham is seeking a new English teacher.  The appointee will have a good knowledge of 20th Century English Literature, familiarity with the requirements of the National Curriculum and a flimsy blouse, straining at the buttons.

Main duties will involve providing masturbatory inspiration for boys in Years 9, 10 and 11, as well as subject matter for crudely-drawn desk-lid graffiti.  An existing rumour about having posed for pornographic photographs on the internet would be an advantage but is not essential, as this will start following the first assembly the successful applicant attends.

For an application form contact Mr Geoff Plywood, Deputy Head, St. Oswalds High Street, Rutland

"Helping Pupils Maximise Achievement of their Individual Potential" 

Rutland Council Schools Service

or

 

Redditch County Council require a

Bitter, Jaded Geography Teacher

Grade 2  38-41K pa

Redditch County Council are seeking a tired, disenchanted professional to go through the motions of teaching geography A level at a comprehensive school in the borough.

We're looking for someone with a complete lack of drive and ambition to sit in front of a class, drinking coffee for up to 40 minutes at a time.  The successful candidate will have:-

• a farcial record of absenteeism
• given every piece of homework he has ever marked 7/10 without reading it
• absolutely no desire for promotion
• not changed his lesson plans for at least 15 years

In addition he will be cynically counting the days to the earliest opportunity he has to take early retirement on the grounds of ill health whilst retaining his full pension entitlement.

If this sounds like you, then reply enclosing the same CV you had in 1976 to Mrs Audrey Frodsham, ref. V654, Town Hall Reddith RE5

Reddich Schools, more than just schools...Redditch Schools!