Lesley in Hong Kong

Private Lives, McAulay Studio Theatre, Wanchai, Hong Kong

The comic masterpiece by Noel Coward The man

Private Lives

February 22nd-25th, 2012

McAulay Studio Theatre, Wanchai, Hong Kong  Website

Adam Harris, Director and Elyot Chase and much much more

Noel Coward (1899-1971) wrote Private Lives What Wikipedia says over the course of just four days while recovering from illness at the Peace Hotel in Shanghai. 

(Tenuous Hong Kong link)  He typed up his final manuscript while staying at the Peninsula Hotel in Kowloon. 

After a provincial tour the play had its London opening at the Phoenix Theatre on 24th September, 1930 with Coward himself as Elyot and Gertrude Lawrence as Amanda.  Victor was played by a very young Laurence Olivier.

In this satire the affectations and polite manners of the upper crust in the 1930s are exposed, and ultimately shattered, by giving the audience an intimate glimpse of life behind closed doors.  It shows that the human condition has no class boundaries so the horrors of domestic violence, drug and alcohol abuse and the inevitable breakdown of a relationship is just as pathetic for the upper classes as it is for the participants of a Jeremy Kyle talk show.  I am quite sure that the twists and turns of Elyot and Amanda's relationship have been used in every soap opera from Coronation Street to Dallas.

The farcical sequence of events the four main characters are subjected to are comedic, but just like a member of a Jeremy Kyle audience, squirmingly uncomfortable to witness.  Snorting cocaine, face slapping, drink slinging and bottle breaking are there to shock and seduce. 

The close proximity of the audience to the cast in the McAuley Studio creates an intimate feel.  To witness a drama performance  in this way makes the experience highly engaging.  Watching Elyot and Amanda being intimate on their sofa, as if at home, almost made me want to avert my eyes.  Were we eves-dropping, spying on them?  Were we supposed to be there so involved in the sexual tension?  Seeing them relaxing, guard down in night wear, a smidgen away from nakedness?

It was particularly enjoyable to see Adam Harris in his pyjamas and especially thrilling to see him with such a dapper, slicked-back,  hair cut.  He is captivating to watch and, when dressed,  his costume was elegant and stylish.   Surely the driving force in this production.

Who on earth dressed Amanda?  The opening scene featured a very flimsy black full length petticoat which was badly made and ill-fitting.  She left the scene to 'slip on a dress' and entered with an even worse cream shiny number, again flimsy, badly made and ill-fitting but this time the zip had broken.  I know it is easy to get things made in Hong Kong - so why not get something substantial that fits?  The awful dresses would probably not have been so noticeable if it hadn't been for the dreadful nylon wig which had a greeny, yellow tinge and in no way could have been mistaken for real hair - forget the wig go with your real hair!

The character of Sibyl was truly annoying. She was meant to be irritating, spoilt, immature and asian.  She succeeded.

Private Lives produced and directed by the irrepressible and dapper Adam Harris, the George Clooney of Hong Kong, was an excellent and brave production.  I highly recommend going to see future performances or productions where Adam is involved.

 

Coming soon Vincent, a one-man show about the artist Vincent van Gogh in May

 

 

 

Stuff White People Like by Christian Lander

 

 

I saw this and thought "It must mean me?"

Hooked by this title I read on...  to a point it is very true and full of witertaining observations from a white, western point of view although it is based on the assumption that all white people live in America and have an affinity to Canada so that part fell on stony ground for me, and to some extent also assumes a maleness and even possibly an under 40sness.  I'm just saying!

He has a website also full of wise words about 'stuff' Stuff White People Like and if you like that you might also like a quick surf at White Whine.com A Collection of First-World Problems  which puts 'stuff' into perspective for those rich spoilt brats out there.

Here is a snippet from SWPL

Outdoor Performance Clothes

As white people get older, they like to have clear boundaries between their professional and personal lives.   They don't mind talking about their personal life at work, but they hate talking about their work life when they are enjoying a weekend or vacation.  But with BlackBerry's and laptops, white people could be working anywhere, at any time.  So how do you know when they are off the clock?  It's easy;  just check their clothes.

When white people aren't working, they generally like to wear outdoor performance clothes.  The top suppliers of these garments and accessories include North Face, REI, Mountain Equipment Co-Op, Columbia Sportswear and Patagonia.  When you see white people wearing these brands, it is important that you do not discuss business matters.  Instead you should say things like 'Where did you get that fleece?" and "What's that thing holding your keys to your shorts?" White people will be more than happy to talk to you about their sustainably produced possessions.

The main reason white people like these clothes is that they allow them to believe that at any moment they could find themselves with a Thule rack on top of their car headed to a national park.  It could be 4:00pm on a Saturday when they might get the call. "Hey, man, you know what we need to do?  Kayak then camping, right now.  I'm on my way to get you.  There is no time to change clothes."

Though this is unlikely that they will ever receive this call, white people hate the idea of missing an opportunity to enjoy outdoor activities just because they weren't wearing the right clothes.

If you plan on spending part of your weekend with a white person, it is strongly recommended that you purchase a jacket or some sort of 'high-performance' T-shirt, which is like a regular shirt, just a lot more expensive.

Cold Weather Warning - Hong Kong

A terrible bout of cold, wintry weather is affecting Hong Kong.  The temperatures have plummeted to extremely low levels causing the Hong Kong Observatory and the Hong Kong Weather Channel to issue 24 hours warnings about what to do during this cold snap.  A COLD WEATHER WARNING has been issued.

via lesleycroftblog.typepad.com

Viz Educational Recruitment

Viz Adult Comic

 

I just had to share these spoof adverts from this months Viz.  I am thinking of applying!

 

Rutland Council Schools Service

WANTED

Large-Breasted Female English Teacher   24-30K

A busy boys-only secondary school in Oakham is seeking a new English teacher.  The appointee will have a good knowledge of 20th Century English Literature, familiarity with the requirements of the National Curriculum and a flimsy blouse, straining at the buttons.

Main duties will involve providing masturbatory inspiration for boys in Years 9, 10 and 11, as well as subject matter for crudely-drawn desk-lid graffiti.  An existing rumour about having posed for pornographic photographs on the internet would be an advantage but is not essential, as this will start following the first assembly the successful applicant attends.

For an application form contact Mr Geoff Plywood, Deputy Head, St. Oswalds High Street, Rutland

"Helping Pupils Maximise Achievement of their Individual Potential" 

Rutland Council Schools Service

or

 

Redditch County Council require a

Bitter, Jaded Geography Teacher

Grade 2  38-41K pa

Redditch County Council are seeking a tired, disenchanted professional to go through the motions of teaching geography A level at a comprehensive school in the borough.

We're looking for someone with a complete lack of drive and ambition to sit in front of a class, drinking coffee for up to 40 minutes at a time.  The successful candidate will have:-

• a farcial record of absenteeism
• given every piece of homework he has ever marked 7/10 without reading it
• absolutely no desire for promotion
• not changed his lesson plans for at least 15 years

In addition he will be cynically counting the days to the earliest opportunity he has to take early retirement on the grounds of ill health whilst retaining his full pension entitlement.

If this sounds like you, then reply enclosing the same CV you had in 1976 to Mrs Audrey Frodsham, ref. V654, Town Hall Reddith RE5

Reddich Schools, more than just schools...Redditch Schools!

How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran

I feel it has become acceptable to criticize men much more so than it is to criticize women.  Having a pair of tits is not the funniest joke in the world any more but making generalizations about maleness (can't multi task, can't ask for direction, useless at remembering anniversaries blah blah blah) is more than acceptable and I don't like it.  Men - the truth I don't believe it is good enough to pass off horrible behaviour in the classroom as 'its because he is a boy'.  Horrible behaviour is horrible regardless of gender.

A feminist book

So it was with trepidation that I picked up a feminist book called 'How to be a Woman' because I thought it might be another opportunity of cheap man knocking.  I was wrong.  It turns out that me and Caitlin Moran think almost the same about a long list of issues.

Investment Handbags  are just wrong

There are a whole load of vacuous so called symbols of femininity that I don't get. Gel nails with sparkles, long hair, OK Magazine and shopping or even worse shopping with friends, having more than one handbag, having a handbag that costs the same as a car!  Moran is of the opinion that having an 'investment' handbag is total nonsense.  I totally agree.  A bag is meant to carry things around (not small dogs) and with luck matches your outfit, so don't be sucked in by the global marketing techniques that matches a stick insect woman with an ugly handbag.  Expensive equals good does it?   NO!  And if you think otherwise then you'll have to be satisfied with the fact that I am right and you are wrong!

The modern wedding

The average cost of a wedding is 25,000 pounds.  That is a shocking amount of money and I blame the conveyor belt mentality on advertising and reality tv. Conveyor belt meaning that the couple get whisked along on a spending spree of what they think is expected of them and the belt keeps on moving them along until they wave good bye to all the guests to boogie the night away at the reception.  After that is when the shock of managing their budget month to month, paying a mortgage and bringing up children they wish they'd used that money on something more practical. Moran feels the same and she talks so much sense on the subject. Set up surprise proposals and having a wedding planner, matching table centre pieces and bridesmaids is not real.

Superfluous Hair

The removal of hair from various parts of the body for very confusing socially acceptable or unacceptable reasons has become the norm and Moran's theory is this new fashion is fuelled by the easy access of porn via the internet where hair has been eliminated for the sake of a good shot (if you pardon the expression).  I too have expressed my opinion about hair in a previous blog Superfluous Hair so you can see that I should have written this book and become as rich and famous as Ms Moran.

Caitlin has become my hero, she loves her husband and her children, loves femine clothes and particularly underwear, but not high heels.  I think her description of  the birth of her first child sounds like a horror story although she got it all right the second time.  I felt rather smug at this point in the book because I got it right on the first go - I have no horror story about child birth.  I had two text book, natural births with no drama invovled and didn't feel the need to utter expletives throughout the experience.

It is so funny

I encourage you all, male or female, to read How to be a Woman because it made me laugh an incredible amount (there is a sad, controvertial bit, be warned).   She does say towards the end that she still doesn't know how to be a woman because she hasn't yet reached the menopause, had teenage children or experienced the death of a parent so I guess I must be ahead of her about learning how to do it.

New Passport British Consulate Hong Kong

 

Did you know that the procedure for applying for a British passport through the British Consulate in Hong Kong has changed?

It has.

the following is copied from the British Consulate Website

Changes to your application from 18 August

Please note the following changes that will affect your passport application. With effect from 18 August 2011, the Regional Passport Processing Centre in Hong Kong will process your passport. The passport will be printed in the United Kingdom. You will receive two packages, one containing the supporting documents you submitted, and the second package directly from the UK with your new passport.

 

Previously if you needed a new passport while living in Hong Kong you could go along to the Consulate, queue up to get through security, hand your phone in, then have your application processed in that office.   This has changed.  You can still submit your application to that office but it is sent to the UK, printed in the UK and sent back to you via DHL. 

This means it takes much longer than it used to so be aware - you need to give yourself at least four  weeks.  I suggest six to be on the safe side, plus you can apply for a passport nine months before it expires.

If you fail to do this and do need to travel and have no vailid passport then you can apply for an Emergency Travel Document (100 pounds) which you can only apply for the day before you travel.

How to apply from Hong Kong

All the information is on the website but I really thought I should make people aware of this change because you need to allow a lot more time since they changed the system in August 2011

How to get there

 

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Location and access

 

British Consulate-General, Hong Kong

---

The British Consulate-General is located at

1 Supreme Court Road,

opposite the Conrad International Hotel.

The closest MTR station is Admiralty. Use Exit C1 and take the escalator up into Queensway Shopping Centre and walk into Pacific Place. Take the escalators up towards Hong Kong Park. You will come out on Supreme Court Road. Turn left for the British Council and British Consulate-General.

Entrance to our consular, visa and passport services is located on Justice Drive.

There is no parking or waiting room for cars outside the Consulate building.

Mountain Bike Adventure - Lhasa to Kathmandu August 2011

 

 

Lhasa to Kathmandu by Fred Croft

Through Tibet on a bike - a journey not a destination by Fred Croft

 Last August HB embarked upon a most challenging cycle ride starting in Lhasa in Tibet and ending in Kathmandu in Nepal taking in some of the highest mountain passes in the world and also Everest Base Camp.  He covered a distance of 1100km in 18 days and came back 'lighter'.

 

Click on the link which will take you to www.blurb.com a self publishing website where you can preview the book and then place an order.  Its a beautiful coffee table hard back edition containing many breath-taking photographs capturing the experience.

 

A Poem

 

How HK Expat Zeitgeist are you?

 

Are you whole house, or top floor
Duplex living, out in DB or Midlevels, are you moving
near the tunnel, with your soft top
Is the school good, and the teachers
Do you zumba, or play netball
Is it Curves, when you've got time

Majong or to Shehnzen, with mainland and congestion

Are you android, or just wireless
on your iphone, makes you feel good
Are you connected, on Facebook, or Skyping
back to home town, do they know you?
in the real time, would you go home, if you knew where

 

Immigration, with the masses

Have your thumb print, and the forms filled

Is it legal can they do that – can you make me?

Are you public, red taxi on the metre

Get a good price, if you ask him

Did you say that?  Did you get there?

Were you on time, is it faster

Is it OK, to be scathing, international or the locals

 

Are you aware that you are living on the edge of a communist regime with a woeful human rights record and a demographic transition interconnected with commercialism on a global scale?

 

Do you have - an air purifier

And a maid from Manila

Is she on time,  keeps your house clean,  an accountant

Does she cook, for your husband can she massage

Pick out presents, for the play dates

Comes in handy for the handoffs

On Sundays, do you miss her

 

After Christmas, can you pay it

Does your bonus really cut it

Did you weekend in The Hyatt, was the buffet as expected

Fizzy white wine from New Zealand,

With the sushi and the chocolate, not from Hong Kong

Always imports, is it hep B you recover from

 

Local media, do you see it

Can you miss it,

RTHK in a time warp

The advice from Legco

Be happy and be nice, to your family and the dentist

Use a cliché if in doubt.

So I guess what I’m kinda asking
While I’m kinda multi tasking
Is how freakin Zeitgeist are you?

 

Tom Wood Painter

Tom posing next to his portrait of Prince Charles in the National Portrail Gallery in London

 

Here is a link to Tom Wood's new book show casing some beautiful paintings of recent times.

It's produced on a site called Blurb, you can have a look through the virtual pages and then place an order if you so wish.

 

Tom Wood's new book

 

Tom Wood Artist

Click on the link above to read Tom's blog.

 

 

 

 

http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/2588813