Please watch the Man dancing to LMFAO with his boom box.
I will not back down on this subject. Speedos are good. Speedos make sense. Watch the video of the guy in Australia. And obviously no one complained when David Wilkie won his gold medal at the Olympics wearing said perfectly acceptable swim wear.
I saw this and thought "It must mean me?"
Hooked by this title I read on... to a point it is very true and full of witertaining observations from a white, western point of view although it is based on the assumption that all white people live in America and have an affinity to Canada so that part fell on stony ground for me, and to some extent also assumes a maleness and even possibly an under 40sness. I'm just saying!
He has a website also full of wise words about 'stuff' Stuff White People Like and if you like that you might also like a quick surf at White Whine.com A Collection of First-World Problems which puts 'stuff' into perspective for those rich spoilt brats out there.
Here is a snippet from SWPL
Outdoor Performance Clothes
As white people get older, they like to have clear boundaries between their professional and personal lives. They don't mind talking about their personal life at work, but they hate talking about their work life when they are enjoying a weekend or vacation. But with BlackBerry's and laptops, white people could be working anywhere, at any time. So how do you know when they are off the clock? It's easy; just check their clothes.
When white people aren't working, they generally like to wear outdoor performance clothes. The top suppliers of these garments and accessories include North Face, REI, Mountain Equipment Co-Op, Columbia Sportswear and Patagonia. When you see white people wearing these brands, it is important that you do not discuss business matters. Instead you should say things like 'Where did you get that fleece?" and "What's that thing holding your keys to your shorts?" White people will be more than happy to talk to you about their sustainably produced possessions.
The main reason white people like these clothes is that they allow them to believe that at any moment they could find themselves with a Thule rack on top of their car headed to a national park. It could be 4:00pm on a Saturday when they might get the call. "Hey, man, you know what we need to do? Kayak then camping, right now. I'm on my way to get you. There is no time to change clothes."
Though this is unlikely that they will ever receive this call, white people hate the idea of missing an opportunity to enjoy outdoor activities just because they weren't wearing the right clothes.
If you plan on spending part of your weekend with a white person, it is strongly recommended that you purchase a jacket or some sort of 'high-performance' T-shirt, which is like a regular shirt, just a lot more expensive.
Pants - you have to have standards
I ventured into the realms of fashion a couple of days ago and made it known to the world that there are very strict rules regarding the wearing of socks. If there are still folk out there who are unsure or unaware of the rules please refer to the previous blog called Socks- it's a mine field. It has been suggested that I add a section about hikers and the red sock and chunky hiking boot plus there has been dispute over dark socks and trainers - honestly its a cheek!
I am now turning my attention to the subject of pants. I mean pants, the sort you wear under your clothes (not trousers). Briefs, knickers, panties, underwear, skivvies, smalls (feel free to add more names).
I think this subject needs to be dealt with according to gender so I will tackle the men first.
There seems to be two main camps when the subject of male underwear is chosen and worn. One lot prefer the boxer and the other the tighter cotton brief. I am not a man. It is a matter of personal choice, I cannot stress this enough. But it has always been a bit of a mystery to me why men want to wear cotton boxers that have no support or stretch in them. Surely a little support in that area would be beneficial? I am just thinking how bras offer such support for females so it follows that the same would be true of the testicle area? A further advantage of the brief would be less bulk under trousers or shorts, surely? All explanations would be welcome here.
I also need to direct you to my previous blog on speedos and my confession at ths point.
Boxer Shorts
No Commandos Please
The strictest rule for males to adhere to is the wearing of underwear or at least if you have no underwear and are going to wear shorts then it is essential that the shorts have their own sewn in liner offering a snug hammock for the male parts and ensuring there is no embarrassment. For instance when sitting down with legs apart or casually placing ones foot on a chair giving others an unrestricted view up the leg of the shorts.
Female Pants
There are hundreds of different styles for women and it should logically follow that there should be enough styles for all the different shaped bottoms in the world. But you'd be wrong. Women's pants manufacturers are blind to the fact that pants have to cover cheeks so not make the dreaded VPL (visible pantie line) plus the invention of the thong has merely created a nasty infection spreading razor which is a useless piece of clothing.
Trinny and Susannah do talk some sense when it comes to foundation garments and have exposed a number of out of control wobbling bottoms in their attempt to up the standard of acceptable dress in the UK. Magic Knickers
Girls, don't continue with ill fitting knickers that dig into your flesh and cause bulges ga lour. There are some excellent body shaping items in Marks & Spencer these days.
And Spanx have a whole range of items to smooth any lump or bump. See the Spanx Before and After photographs for yourself.
There is even a male version of Spanx and I don't think men should shy away from this garment. It could be a revolution for bellies world wide. Spanx for Men offer compression under garments to help suck in bellies, its the Playtex 18 hour girdle for men. It had to come one day.
Gentle reader, I conducted my own photographic survey this morning of pants in the local vicinity and I was shocked and horrified at some of the sights I found hanging around the place for all to see. My mother was too shy to hang her pants on the washing line and kept them drying inside for modesty sake! But some of the examples of shabby, worn out rags that pass as underwear need to be seriously assessed and made into dusters at once. (that's what my mother also used to do). Check your knicker drawer now and if there are any that look like this, put them in the bin.
The washed out dark blue
Little and Large
Skiddies!
Duster pretending to be underwear.
A law breaker
Are you fashion conscious?
Do you know how to coordinate colours?
Can you accurately tell what a fabric is just by touch?
Or do you simply not care what you look like, have no clue which colour contrasts with another, especially in the morning (then have to suffer it all day) , and constantly make shopping blunders which could be anything from getting the wrong size, wrong material or just plain wrong.
Fashion is a mine field. There are so many choices to be made not only when shopping for new clothes but every single morning when the wardrobe doors are opened and items must be selected, obviously depending on what's in the wash.
It is the small accessories that can add a certain je ne sais quoi to any outfit. That statement jewelry, the correctly placed belt or the right shoes can have a dramatic effect. But the one item which can make or break an outfit is the in the foot area and if the choice of foot ware is wrong you are in serious danger of being ostracised by society and labelled as a total loser.
You think I exaggerate? I do not. There are so many unwritten rules about sock wearing and I feel it my duty to explain a few points to you all.
No Socks with Sandals - it's the law
The sock wearing rule about wearing socks with sandals should never, under any circumstances, be broken. If you still do not know about this one and are wondering why people point and laugh at you in the street, why your children walk six paces behind you and you are constantly drinking alone then look at your feet. Are you an offender? Are you wearing sandals because the weather has warmed up? Yes would be a good answer especially in summer. But have you omitted to leave your socks in the drawer? Dear reader, even if you want to wear sandals but feel your feet will be cold or will be uncomfortable rubbing on the harsh newly purchased items you still cannot wear socks. You must suffer cold feet and anything else that comes along because you must never break the sock wearing rule EVER!
Law breaker
Trainers and Sock Rule
If you are a sporty type person or wear trainers for comfort and fashion be aware of the sock wearing rule connected with trainers. It used to be fine to wear a white ankle length sports sock with trainers. It is not and never has been fine to wear any other colour of sock with trainers. But that was back in the 80's. The more modern approach to sock wearing and trainers is the 'trainer sock'. This is because the new law about sock wearing is that they have to be secret socks that, under any circumstances, must not show above the shoe.
Secret socks. Ssshh we are not really here
School Shoes Rule
As well as secret socks with trainers it has become an absolute crime for school girls to wear school shoes with socks that show above the shoe. If mothers are not aware of this and are wondering why their daughter is unhappy in school, is sullen or sulky try looking in her sock drawer. This could be the answer to all future happiness in her school life. It is absolutely essential to buy school shoes according to the school rules but also to buy socks according to the rule of socks. Mums, learn this now, they must not show. Girls, if your mum or your teacher makes you wear ankle socks that actually give away the fact that you are wearing socks the only alternative is to roll the sock down and flip it under your heel. That is the method adopted by school girls who want to have friends. It is a bit like rolling the waist band of your skirt up at the bus stop after you've left home and before you get to school.
This child is lonely and sad
There are other sock wearing rules that one must never break because if you do, the method of your sock wearing can change who you as a person.
Socks with flip flops - makes you a complete idiot.
utterly ridiculous
Knee high socks - for women over the age of 10, makes you a complete flibbertigibbet.
Flibbertigibbet
White socks dark shoes, oh no!
For men the pairing of a white sock and a formal dark shoe makes you an untrustworthy car salesman type and people will call you a plonker to your face. If you are actually a car salesmen you will probably not sell many cars unless it is to other white sock wearing/dark shoe wearing men.
Oi Rodney! You plonker
Cartoon Socks - zany?
Cartoon socks are in the same category as cartoon ties. Must only be worn by male primary school teachers on specified 'fun days' other than that they should be designated to the back of the drawer and forgotten about. I know people think they are a fun stocking filler at Christmas but they are never meant to be worn by grown males. If worn it makes you a zany fun loving guy, which really means a complete tosser.
Keep them in the back of the drawer for ever
Holes (or potaoes)
Then there is the most heinous of crimes. You may have got the length right. You may have got the colour right. But your chosen socks for the day have holes in them and, god forbid, you are required to take your shoes off and expose your self as a total slob, loser or cretin who has let themselves go, has no self respect and probably is loved by no one not even your mother. It is that critical. Never never never wear socks with holes.
The unloved
Public Warning
Wear socks with due care and attention. Your future happiness depends on it.
The Ritz Carlton Hotel is situated on 1 Austin Road, Kowloon. It is the highest hotel in the world.
More tea?
It is 1,600 ft high although I have a strong suspicion that it won't hold the record for long because someone somewhere will get all competitive and want to go to even giddier heights. The second, third and fourth highest hotels are in, surprise surprise, Dubai.
Flower arrangement Ritz Carlton The Lounge
Even though this building is even higher than the famous IFC (1364ft) I hadn't even noticed it! I put this down to being busy and having to go to work. I thought it was just me who didn't know about its opening at the end of March but no, I got in a taxi in Jordon and asked for "Ritz Carlton, 1 Austin Road m goi" I got the standard response 'Ha!' At first he attempted to drop me off at BP International House also on Austin Road but come on, it didn't even sound a bit like Ritz Carlton and is not very high at all! After one of those fraught journeys where the taxi driver talks on the phone in a confused way and gives you no confidence in actually getting to your destination he eventually made it and we ended as friends.
Before
After ...
HOW TO GET THERE
For future reference ask for Elements Shopping Mall and the Ritz Carlton is actually situated at the top of a building called International Commerce Centre ICC which is the last building on the road - THE TALLEST ONE! The hotel is actually perched on the top of the ICC on floors 102 to 118 and afternoon tea involves a lift ride with only stop from zero to floor 103 (it took ages and my ears popped) then a short escalator down one floor to The Lounge.
It is beautifully decorated with amazing views - obviously. The tea involves everything you'd expect - three tiered plate full of goodies and copious amounts of tea from a wide choice.
For an extra thrill you can go even higher to the bar on floor 118 Ozone which even has a partly open area and yesterday there was quite a chilly breeze blowing around there. I thought I was being quite brave getting close to the edge and looking down. Gulp!
Afternoon Tea at the Ritz Carlton, Hong Kong
The closest building on the right is the IFC, Hong Kong Side, across the harbour is the ICC - can you see me waving?
LAST TWO - LEE AND CRYSTAL
I know I've been banging on and on about American Idol. Even when its been a tad boring I have stuck with it. Now the last week is dawning. Wednesday and Thursday will be the last episodes with only two contestants remaining, Lee and Crystal.
SIMON COWELL
This is good news for Lesley's List because it means that out of the 16 I selected as possibilities to win, I still have one in the final. Crystal Bowersox made it onto my list during the auditions round and there she is, in the final. So I win a million dollars? I reckon I am tops at picking out the real talent and so should take over from Simon Cowell as top mean British judge when he stops doing Idol next year. Season Ten could be Randy, Ellen, Kara and Lesley. I wonder how much they pay?
WHEN IDOL IS OVER WATCH THE WORLD CUP 2010
But what worries me is - what am I going to do when Idol finishes? Do you think there are counselling sessions available for viewers who suffer withdrawal symptoms? People who find themselves wandering around with stunned expressions, unable to concentrate on anything because their weekly routine has become so entrenched with America Idol they don't know where to turn once its over. Such people will require post traumatic Americal Idol group counselling sessions where everyone can thrap on about their favourite, why there will never be another Adam Lambert and where on earth is Kriss Allen anyway, they can all practice their favourite judge impression and perhaps even have group sessions involving standing up clapping and yelling You had a moment dawg" or such like.
Never fear. I have a suggestion to all Idol addicts - watch the World Cup.
ENGLAND SUPPORT FOR EVER
I never thought I would find myself saying this because watching football is definitely not my thing. But something happens to me every four years. I turn into a football fan and I have even considered buying myself a polyester top emblazoned in garish logos. Obviously I resisted that. I am patriotic though. I can't deny it. I support England. I really really want them to win. My football fan hormones are about to kick in. You know the ones that convince you that England are the best team ever, it's almost like having a child that can do no wrong. No one can say anything negative about England that I believe and I become blinkered and dogmatic about their skill.
SHORT MEMORY
I have already forgotten about the last time when I was so excited about their every game when my hopes were dashed when they lost and got knocked out. The world cup is about to start again so the slate is clean. I await their success with an open heart and I believe they will win. Engerland, Engerland, Engerland nah nah.
Teacher's Race!
Sai Kung is a marvelous place to live. I know I am in danger of become a Sai Kung bore but I believe it to be true. Once you live in Sai Kung you'll never have to go anywhere else. There is no need for fancy, expensive gym membership because there is - wait for it - the 'outside' for running in. No need for running machines installed infront of televisions to slowly stagnate the brain because it is possible to step outside your door and just start your exercise.
OUTDOOR TRAINING
As well as the countryside there is also the excellent public facility right in the centre of the town, Sai Kung Tang Shiu Kin Sports Ground. The track has people running all the time. Some are potential Olympians and some are grannies flip flopping their way around, beware of them - they may overtake you.
ninab@netvigator.com Nina Blacklock
As an added extra bonus there is the lovely Nina Blacklock who offers outdoor circuit training sessions at the ground, Monday to Thursday every week and I strongly recommend them.
DO YOU WANT CHALLENGE?
There are beginners and general sessions in the evenings which involve getting your heart thumping out of your chest and a copious amounts of sweat gushing from your skin. There is a mixture of women and men and ability. Be warned, Nina will challenge you!
A typical class will start off with a run around the track. Yes you heard me, all the way round one time. I have to admit to being stunned at being asked to do such a thing the first time and really thought I would never make it. But, at my own pace I did it.
WHAT TO EXPECT
She will follow this by stretching and balance warm ups and then the fun starts. Making good use of the sports ground we will be given exercises to do which target various parts of the body. There will be lunges and squats, press ups, triceps dips, sprints, planks - pant pant pant - may be a rest if you're good, but no slacking at this point because you'll probably have to do it all again, then core then may be another run around the track and of course the stretch and cool down to finish.
By that time an hour will have disappeared and we'll all be begging for mercy...not really (well a bit) But it is worth it for the fantastic buzz of endorphins and with any luck those stubborn fat stores will be left at the track instead of hanging around my middle.
CONTACT NINA
If you are interested you can contact Nina Blacklock on her email for more details of times. ninab@netvigator.com
The photo is me running at my school's sports day in the dreaded teachers race - something I never would have attempted before Nina's Outdoor Sessions. Whether this is a good or a bad thing? The jury is still out on that one.
The Chippy, a truly British experience.
www.chippy.com
Cultural Holiday
The summer holidays are approaching and soon I will be visiting Blighty for a reminder of the culture I am deprived of. I haven't been home for a couple of years now so the lure of midget gems, fresh Cadbury's chocolate and cream cakes with real cream in them is becoming intense. The food hall at Marks and Spencer's and all those supermarkets with aisles big enough for 2 trolleys to pass each other with a vast amount of choice will be so lovely.
Fish, Chips, Mushy Peas, Bread and Butter, Mug of Tea
Yesterday as a pre holiday treat we went to eat at The Chippy. It is exactly what you imagine. It's a chip shop. A very British chip shop right in Central Hong Kong. They have recreated the grease and smell of a typical fish and chip shop with a menu that wouldn't be out of place in any town in the UK. Cod, chips, mushy peas a mug (yes a mug) of tea (Tetleys) and a slice of white bread and butter. Fish cakes, steak and kidney pie, chips and peas and then the deserts deep fried Mars bar. They also offer the full all day English breakfast with black pudding.
Cholestral Levels
It is all bad but all good on the same place. I just knew that grease was sticking to my arteries as I was savoring the scrumptious crispy batter on my lovely white flakes of deep fried cod and I knew the butter melting through the white slice as the heat of the chips warmed up the bread was raising my cholesterol levels but Lord I enjoyed it. The big mug of tea washed all the fat away and left me feeling cleansed yet belt loosening full.
Posh Chips
The decor was, obviously, white tiles with a touch of seaside blue dado, a wall of blackboard for the menu, rickety wooden tables all stocked with the condiments you expect. HP Brown Sauce, Heinz Tomato sauce, salt and yes you've guessed it - vinegar. The glass counter had pickled onions and pickled eggs on offer in large glass jars. The only pretentious features of The Chippy in Hong Kong, which you don't often get in England, is the reading material provided for customers - The Sunday Times Magazine. The background music was BBC Radio 2 live, via the internet. All a bit posh frankly but it's what us expats expect these days!
Home Sweet Home
The whole experience made us feel comfortable and at home. The only bad thing was knowing we were in Central and had to travel an hour back to the tranquility of Sai Kung in rush hour. Once our clothes are washed and the smell of deep fried fat is removed we'll be fine.
I'll be running tonight to work off those calories.
They're Happy Because
They Eat Chips
Is it real?
I am a proud mother, I don't deny it. So have a look at my daughter's latest homework assignment. She was asked to make a music video for her Media Studies course. Click on the link and it will take you to You Tube where you can watch the video and listen to the music. She borrowed two gorilla costumes from a children's party company then was filmed 'at large' in Hong Kong. My daughter is the one wearing the scarf - otherwise she is unrecognizable!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGF8VULVSP4
Social Experiment
But I just have to comment on the social significance of this moment in time. Where else in the world could you parade around on the streets of a busy 'world' city in a gorilla suit and not be acknowledged unless, of course, you jumped in front of people and scared the life out of them. I think this says a lot about the compliance and inverted politeness, which may be misconstrued as aloofness, of Hong Kong people. They just want and expect things to be safe and to run on schedule, to be expected and routine. When, unusually, two people in gorilla costumes board the MTR their reaction is either "Ignore" "look down" "pretend it is not happening " or to whip out their mobile phone and take a picture of it preferably with the standard two fingered peace sign. This features in EVERY photograph ever taken by people from Hong Kong - if they don't do that particular pose then the photograph just gets deleted and lost forever.
Hello! Who the **** is Kitty?
often imagine Hong Kongers looking through their photograph albums looking at pictures of themselves in the same pose at various times of the year, all photos taken in shopping malls with some sort of Hello Kitty or Mini Mouse theme going on in the background. How dull!
Cheese or Cheers?
Actually there are a few more standard 'take a photograph with me" poses. As well as the two fingered peace sign there is the tongue out and sticking up to one side pose, this is borderline porn star but because of the naivety in this city it passes off as cute (some would say - but not me) and then there is the finger poked in the cheek pose while at the same time making a screwing motion with said finger, oh and obviously, the grin has to be unnaturally large and cheesy (or is that cheersy - saying 'Cheese' while having your photograph taken has been lost in translation and becomes 'Cheers'.
Dog Clothes
Oh and how could I forget photographs taken while posing but with the added interest of a dog dressed in clothes. Come to Sai Kung on a Sunday afternoon and see this for yourself.
Tourist Reaction
Significantly the Western tourists on Nathan Road were the only ones to embrace the fun in the situation and have some sort of concept about how to react. These people may possibly have travelledto other 'world' cities such as Paris or Barcelona or London and seen street theatre or just plain old busking. They know it's for fun, they are on holiday and up for a good time. Their reaction is different from the residents.
When I decide to do my Masters in Sociology I shall use this empirical evidence as the corner stone of my research.
BEST KNICKERS
Marks and Spencer's is a very reliable and homey shop. You just know where you are with M&S. Their products are renowned for lasting many washes, especially their under garments. You can't beat a pair of M&S knickers.
A NEW PRODUCT?
When I was browsing the under garment section I discovered a new product. Something I had never seen before. In a small plastic pouch was 'nipple covers'. I was intrigued by this item. It was not possible to open the package in the shop so truly believing all M&S goods to be of a high standard I made a purchase.
THE COLD AND NIPPLES
For those of you mystified as to why a girl should require nipple covers I will attempt to throw light on the matter. You see, when its a bit cold, and your top is a bit on the flimsy side, nipples tend to pop out for the world to see. Living in air conditioned Hong Kong this happens a lot. You step inside after being out in a hot and humid 30+ degrees and out they pop.
I thought that using this new fangled item would be the answer to this little problem.
TEST RUN
The next morning I decided to try them. I opened the packet to find they were made from a thin 'band aid' type material in the shape of large daisies. The center of the daisy was a slightly padded circle. It was early, it was dark in my bedroom, I wasn't properly awake to read the 'How to Apply' section on the back of the packet and besides I couldn't find my glasses.
It seemed straight forward. I peeled off the backing paper and stuck them over my nipples. Easy.
I got dressed, went to work. Never gave them a second thought. I wasn't aware of people pointing at me on the air conditioned bus saying "Waa look at her nipples sticking out" so I presumed they were working.
THE REMOVAL -PANIC
When I got home after a hards days toil the first thing I did was strip off and get in the shower. Upon the removal of my clothes I remembered the hastily applied nippled covers as I glanced at myself in the bathroom mirror. "Best take them off now" I thought to myself.
Easier said than done. The very thin sticky cover was almost impossible to get hold of. I have nails but I couldn't just get one under the edge of the nipple covers to remove them. I showered. Tried again. No better. I showered again and used lots more shower gel to soften the fabric (steady on now!). Still couldn't get hold of the edge to pull them off. They were well and truly attached to my breasts and did not want to come off.
I found my glasses and the discarded packet and read the instructions. This was not enlightening at all. It just said stick them over nipples, peel them off when you are finished. No clues, no hints.
STILL NOT REMOVED - GULP
About half an hour had gone by since I got home and I was still naked in the bathroom attempting to remove the offending articles. Eventually I managed to get my thumb nail under the edge of the left one and began to peel it off. Oh my God! The pain was excruciating. There was no way I could just rip it off quickly. I had to slowly, slowly, millimeter by millimeter pull it off and try not to pass out with pain.
OH THE PAIN
I have had two children, I have ran a marathon. I know pain. But this? It was really making me feel nauseous. I came out in a hot and cold sweat and began to shiver. Perhaps I was in shock? I am guessing that the process took about 10 minutes and it was such a relief to remove the torturous devil item from my delicate anatomy. But wait, horror of horrors - there was still the other one to remove.
I was almost crying at the thought. I had a lie down to physiologically build myself up to the removal of the second nipple cover.
It was the same horrible experience. Sweating, shaking and on the brink of tears.
DON'T DO IT!
Gentle readers - do not ever buy these items. They should have a health warning written on the packaging. I definitely do not recommend them. Don't be fooled by the steady and reliable Marks and Spencer's brand. Give them a wide berth.
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