I am behind in blogging. That sounds like a medical complaint in itself. Having aches and pains is probably a sign of getting old but complaining about them to anyone who will listen is definitely an indication of the beginning of the end. Gentle readers please brace yourself for the intimate details of my state of body and mind. You will feel guilty if you don’t offer incredible amounts of sympathy not to mention sweet tea if I am not here tomorrow!
Ok, may be I am exaggerating a tad but I have to get someone to listen to me.
It’s my shoulder doctor! It’s my right arm doctor!
I have presented myself to my doctor to tell him about the pains in my right arm and shoulder. It is never ending, very tiring, keeping me awake at night and literally a right pain.
This has set me on a course of treatment yet to be experienced by …well…me. I pride myself in never getting sick. I hate the whole episode and wish it would pass.
Over the last two weeks I have had a course of physiotherapy, five sessions of acupressure, an injection into my shoulder as well as living for the time when it is time to take the next extra strength, super lasting panadol.
The physiotherapist was most interesting. First of all she strapped my head in what can only be described as a sado masochistic gimp mask. Then got me to lie down and attached the metal hook on the top of the mask, on the top of my head, to a machine which pulled my neck into traction while at the same time clamped my jaws together and almost crushed my expensive crowns. I endured this for 15 minutes every day for a week. It made no difference.
Then she attached large rubber suction cups to my shoulder and arm and switched on a sucking machine. This lasted for 15 minutes and I ended up with huge love bites which changed colour from purple to yellowish green before fading completely. Again, not a jot of difference. Pain still there.
Then she tried acupuncture. Three needles in my shoulder attached to an electric current – the requisite 15 minutes. This was a weird sensation and I felt that even saying ‘Yes’ when she asked if I was OK was an effort. I thought that the slightest movement would end up in severe pain. Yet again it made no difference. I still had the pain before, during and after the needles were inserted.
Acupressure seems to be the best treatment. But this is not at all long term. It is nice to be worked on by expert hands for an hour every few days and I truly want it to be the cure for my ailment. Alas it is not. She is a kind and gentle soul and I even forgave her when she released a modest fart during one session. It really did spoil the moment for me but what can you say?
I just know that if any of you have read this far on this blog you are either suffering from Munchausen’s disease by proxy, are a hypochondriac looking for more symptoms to fake or you are indeed a true friend and will write to me expressing sympathy and undying love…I await contact.
Bring on the violins.
I also went to a Korean guy, trained in traditional Chinese medicine. Same thing - tension in my upper back - nothing like what you have. He felt my pulse and massaged my back and filled it with needles. Then he attached some real suction cups to a vacuum machine. He did this for several days, raising huge bruises on my back, then he opened the bruises and sucked out clotted blood, declaring that he'd pulled the bad blood out of my back. So much for "traditional" methods
Posted by: Chris | June 13, 2007 at 02:30 PM
Hey lesley, is there something up with your arm? why haven't you mentioned anything before?
Posted by: paul | June 04, 2007 at 10:36 PM