A law breaker
Are you fashion conscious?
Do you know how to coordinate colours?
Can you accurately tell what a fabric is just by touch?
Or do you simply not care what you look like, have no clue which colour contrasts with another, especially in the morning (then have to suffer it all day) , and constantly make shopping blunders which could be anything from getting the wrong size, wrong material or just plain wrong.
Fashion is a mine field. There are so many choices to be made not only when shopping for new clothes but every single morning when the wardrobe doors are opened and items must be selected, obviously depending on what's in the wash.
It is the small accessories that can add a certain je ne sais quoi to any outfit. That statement jewelry, the correctly placed belt or the right shoes can have a dramatic effect. But the one item which can make or break an outfit is the in the foot area and if the choice of foot ware is wrong you are in serious danger of being ostracised by society and labelled as a total loser.
You think I exaggerate? I do not. There are so many unwritten rules about sock wearing and I feel it my duty to explain a few points to you all.
No Socks with Sandals - it's the law
The sock wearing rule about wearing socks with sandals should never, under any circumstances, be broken. If you still do not know about this one and are wondering why people point and laugh at you in the street, why your children walk six paces behind you and you are constantly drinking alone then look at your feet. Are you an offender? Are you wearing sandals because the weather has warmed up? Yes would be a good answer especially in summer. But have you omitted to leave your socks in the drawer? Dear reader, even if you want to wear sandals but feel your feet will be cold or will be uncomfortable rubbing on the harsh newly purchased items you still cannot wear socks. You must suffer cold feet and anything else that comes along because you must never break the sock wearing rule EVER!
Law breaker
Trainers and Sock Rule
If you are a sporty type person or wear trainers for comfort and fashion be aware of the sock wearing rule connected with trainers. It used to be fine to wear a white ankle length sports sock with trainers. It is not and never has been fine to wear any other colour of sock with trainers. But that was back in the 80's. The more modern approach to sock wearing and trainers is the 'trainer sock'. This is because the new law about sock wearing is that they have to be secret socks that, under any circumstances, must not show above the shoe.
Secret socks. Ssshh we are not really here
School Shoes Rule
As well as secret socks with trainers it has become an absolute crime for school girls to wear school shoes with socks that show above the shoe. If mothers are not aware of this and are wondering why their daughter is unhappy in school, is sullen or sulky try looking in her sock drawer. This could be the answer to all future happiness in her school life. It is absolutely essential to buy school shoes according to the school rules but also to buy socks according to the rule of socks. Mums, learn this now, they must not show. Girls, if your mum or your teacher makes you wear ankle socks that actually give away the fact that you are wearing socks the only alternative is to roll the sock down and flip it under your heel. That is the method adopted by school girls who want to have friends. It is a bit like rolling the waist band of your skirt up at the bus stop after you've left home and before you get to school.
This child is lonely and sad
There are other sock wearing rules that one must never break because if you do, the method of your sock wearing can change who you as a person.
Socks with flip flops - makes you a complete idiot.
utterly ridiculous
Knee high socks - for women over the age of 10, makes you a complete flibbertigibbet.
Flibbertigibbet
White socks dark shoes, oh no!
For men the pairing of a white sock and a formal dark shoe makes you an untrustworthy car salesman type and people will call you a plonker to your face. If you are actually a car salesmen you will probably not sell many cars unless it is to other white sock wearing/dark shoe wearing men.
Oi Rodney! You plonker
Cartoon Socks - zany?
Cartoon socks are in the same category as cartoon ties. Must only be worn by male primary school teachers on specified 'fun days' other than that they should be designated to the back of the drawer and forgotten about. I know people think they are a fun stocking filler at Christmas but they are never meant to be worn by grown males. If worn it makes you a zany fun loving guy, which really means a complete tosser.
Keep them in the back of the drawer for ever
Holes (or potaoes)
Then there is the most heinous of crimes. You may have got the length right. You may have got the colour right. But your chosen socks for the day have holes in them and, god forbid, you are required to take your shoes off and expose your self as a total slob, loser or cretin who has let themselves go, has no self respect and probably is loved by no one not even your mother. It is that critical. Never never never wear socks with holes.
The unloved
Public Warning
Wear socks with due care and attention. Your future happiness depends on it.
A pants blog is a wonderful idea and there are also many rules about them. Boxers or tightie whities?
Lelsey
Posted by: Lesley | July 11, 2011 at 06:03 PM
100% accurate, although I think you should have gone the extra mile by naming names and shaming the apparently shameless. Hmmm...I feel the urge for a pants blog
Posted by: Richard Peters | July 11, 2011 at 10:11 AM