Viz Educational Recruitment

Viz Adult Comic

 

I just had to share these spoof adverts from this months Viz.  I am thinking of applying!

 

Rutland Council Schools Service

WANTED

Large-Breasted Female English Teacher   24-30K

A busy boys-only secondary school in Oakham is seeking a new English teacher.  The appointee will have a good knowledge of 20th Century English Literature, familiarity with the requirements of the National Curriculum and a flimsy blouse, straining at the buttons.

Main duties will involve providing masturbatory inspiration for boys in Years 9, 10 and 11, as well as subject matter for crudely-drawn desk-lid graffiti.  An existing rumour about having posed for pornographic photographs on the internet would be an advantage but is not essential, as this will start following the first assembly the successful applicant attends.

For an application form contact Mr Geoff Plywood, Deputy Head, St. Oswalds High Street, Rutland

"Helping Pupils Maximise Achievement of their Individual Potential" 

Rutland Council Schools Service

or

 

Redditch County Council require a

Bitter, Jaded Geography Teacher

Grade 2  38-41K pa

Redditch County Council are seeking a tired, disenchanted professional to go through the motions of teaching geography A level at a comprehensive school in the borough.

We're looking for someone with a complete lack of drive and ambition to sit in front of a class, drinking coffee for up to 40 minutes at a time.  The successful candidate will have:-

• a farcial record of absenteeism
• given every piece of homework he has ever marked 7/10 without reading it
• absolutely no desire for promotion
• not changed his lesson plans for at least 15 years

In addition he will be cynically counting the days to the earliest opportunity he has to take early retirement on the grounds of ill health whilst retaining his full pension entitlement.

If this sounds like you, then reply enclosing the same CV you had in 1976 to Mrs Audrey Frodsham, ref. V654, Town Hall Reddith RE5

Reddich Schools, more than just schools...Redditch Schools!

Comments

[Lesley]

Suspect RE Master
Salary 35-45K pa
An overweight, sweating sex case is required to take up a position in the Religious Studies Department of an Outer London comprehensive school.
The successful candidate will have at least 5 years experience in:

- walking unannounced into the boy's toilets to check for pupils smoking.
- walking unannounced into the boys changing rooms to check for pupils chewing gum.
- walking unannounced into the the boy's showers to check pupils are washing their tassels.
Apply enclosing a CV including details of previous employers and sex offenders register number to Box 88JZ, Outer London
OUTER LONDON...WHERE EDUCATION'S BUZZIN!

[Richard Peters]

More... more... Perhaps another two could be, "slightly-deranged, tousled-haired drama teacher with possible signs of drug-taking" and "quick-tempered maths teacher who's not afraid of being sitting on desks 'scarily-too-close-to-the-girls'"