Remember when we spoke on the telephone?

When I was 11 I had a birthday party at my house.  I know this because I have photographic evidence of all the girls in my class sitting our settee.

When I was 16 I had a party at my house when all the girls and boys came.  I have no photographic evidence of this but it did happen.  It had all the elements of bad behaviour like any good 16th birthday celebration should.  The next day there were a few tears and voices raised in anger but I'm secretly proud that the neighbours were disturbed, the tropical fish had to suffer cider in their tank, some guests were in rooms they really shouldn't have been in and there was ash and spillages associated with under age drinking.

When I was 18 I had a bus load of people visit The Beer Keller in Newcastle (won the fancy knicker competition and was offered a job as a go-go dancer) who all paid towards the bus, had a good time at The Beer Keller, got back on the bus at the agreed departure time and all came home again. There is photographic evidence of this but it's not for general release.

The way that these parties were organised was through speaking to the people I wanted to invite. Those people were the people I wanted to come.  A fairly simple yet effective method with no agenda other than to have fun.  It went a bit like this "I'm having a party on  (insert date and time) do you want to come?" and the answer went a bit like this "Yes".  And then, here is best bit, they came to the party and had a good time.  In the run up to the party there was little to no communication necessary and on the day of the party people turned up at the right time at the designated place.  

 If I could not speak to them face to face then the alternative method of communication was over the telephone when a telephone number, which I had written in an address book or I had memorized, was dialed at an appropriate time when I estimated that person to be at home.  The message was conveyed and the response was immediate.

I don't remember a time when someone was doing something more interesting or didn't have time?

Obviously the people I was interacting with were teenagers without the burden of employment or the responsibility of babies or spouses but it seemed a very simple process.  Whereas in this age of smart phones and Facebook the process of inviting someone to anything seems to result in a cornucopia of flakiness and people who are so busy they cannot even reply with a cohesive answer or worst of all remain silent because they want to give the impression they are too busy.  The other message about the the 'silent' part is that it means a rejection but you have to guess that part yourself. 

Before the texting facility there wasn't any need to inform any one that you were on your way a number of times before you arrived , were lost, were running late or had a better offer and were not actually going to turn up as you had originally said.   This was also mostly impossible because once you left your own house you had no access to a phone unless you found a phone box, had the right change and knew the phone number of the person who was having the party.  If the party was not at a place where a phone could be answered none of the progress reports were possible and no one cared any way. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UiLaukbxQMs

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFR4PPxp2z8

 

A Facebook event is also a cornucopia for misunderstanding as well as the presumption, by some, that because you have ticked the box indicating that you can't go, you feel the need to write a few sentences about just how much more exciting and interesting your life is that you can't go  to a planned event that someone has spent time planning and taken the time to appreciate you and invite you.

It goes a bit like this

Friend has invited you to an event - Party (date, time place)  

Going   Not Going  May Be

And you need to tick a box.  That is it.  What you are not asked to do is announce to the other invited guests that you can't go because:-

Sorry can't come because we'll be in The Maldives {or any other named luxury holiday destination which will evoke feelings of jealousy} having our best holiday ever in our lives. (sub text - having a better time than we would at your party)

Would love to come but we are so busy right now, you know what it's like?  (sub text  - going to work, coming home, eating and dealing with other stuff that life brings along just like every one else but frankly I can't be arsed and don't like you very much) 

Can I let you know next week? (sub text - I might have a better offer by then so I'm keeping my options open when I can outrageously reject your invitation in favour of someone else's but if their invitation doesn't seem all that good then I'll come to you)

Sorry can't come I have family gathering that day. (sub text  - I always have family stuff to do but I'm telling you this to make you understand that you are lowly on my scale of priorities).

 

In this new texting world some etiquette needs to be followed.  In the same way as good manners were taught to us when we were children, we all need some proper rules and guidelines to follow in the world of cyber communication. We can then teach these to our children who will then be able to operate in the 21st century in the right and proper way.  

Oh hang on!  By the time they grow up and enter the world of work there will be some other new way of communication that we hadn't even thought about and we'll be no further forward....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Elizabeth]

I'd really like to read your blog but I'm just on my way to the tailors to have my pure raw silk ball dress taken in because I'm attending the 'caviar and champagne only' opening party of my best friend's millionaire husband's boutique in Paris and I've dropped so many dress sizes that I can't fit into it any more. Sorry.