https://www.offmenupodcast.co.uk/
I am taking the idea of the Off-Menu Podcast (click on the link above to listen to it) because I am not famous enough to be asked to be a guest on it.
The basis of the podcast is that guests are asked what they could have if they were in their dream restaurant where absolutely anything can be served from anywhere in the world. This can be food from a past holiday, your grandma's Yorkshire pudding, a 5-star fancy place you went once or a Formica table greasy spoon cafe. It can be indulgent. It can be selfish - because you don't have to be concerned about sharing or being overly full or pleasing anyone else at the table - its a DREAM. A FANTASY meal.
You get to pick from the following list:-
1. Still or sparkling water?
2. Popadoms or bread?
3. Starter?
4. Main Course?
5. Dessert?
6. Drink?
These are the categories specified by James Acaster and Ed Gamble. I have never worked out why it has to be a choice of two types of water or why its popadoms or bread - it's not as if any dream restaurant would have just a choice of two things? And why would anyone have popadoms if they weren't having curry? James and Ed doggedly stick to these choices to begin.
Here is my dream order:-
1. Still water
Served at room temperature. Do not. I repeat. Do NOT serve it chilled and DO NOT add blooming ice to my water. Note to the server. If you see I have taken two or three sips from my room temperature water DO NOT immediately spring over to my table and fill up my glass like its a never-ending fountain of liquid. I do not want copious amounts of water during my meal.
And while I'm on this topic of springing, swooping or sidling - leave me alone to enjoy my food during the whole experience. Do not think of things I might need on my table like lighting a candle, or placing salt and pepper after I have ordered. Make sure my table is well equipped with everything I may need. Only approach my table to remove empty plates at appropriate times.
2. Bread
Small granary rolls from The Cakery which used to be a lovely bakery in Holmfirth. Freshly baked, still warm, very dark brown with salted butter. I will have two of these because in the dream restaurant I won't get full or bloated and calories do not count.
3. Prawn cocktail stuffed Avocado
I can't say I have had this in any particular place but I just adore fat juicy prawns and ripe avocado. My preference of sauce is mayonnaise. I don't want anything that will overpower the subtle tastes. I think I like the texture of this combination more than anything else. If I could I may order it x2!
4. Christmas Dinner
Not to blow my own trumpet, oh go on then I will. This will be cooked by me. Succulent turkey cooked using the Gary Rhodes style (see previous blog post). Lashings of hot turkey gravy. Cranberry sauce. Roast potatoes, roast sweet potatoes, roast parsnips. Brussel sprouts. Carrots (cut long ways with butter melted over them). Red cabbage with apple and raisins. Sausages wrapped in bacon and stuffing. I would like to add a slightly controversial addition of Yorkshire puddings. Specifically, they would be the square Yorkshire puddings my Fishburn Grandma used to cook on Sundays and serve first with some gravy. Once we had eaten those, then we got the meat and vegetables.
5. Chocolate lava cakes with fresh raspberries and pouring cream
I have had lava cake in many places, Jaspas in Sai Kung for instance (but not for ages) and there are never enough raspberries - so LOADS of raspberries, please. I want the mixture of the hot chocolate sauce and the cold cream to run together, so give me two spoons so I can really scoop up the deliciousness.
6. Orvieto Classico - Italian white wine - chilled - obviously - to bring back memories of a lovely Italian holiday from way back when.
The ending of a meal can often end with coffee. This is not part of the format in the Off-Menu podcast but I am adding that I don't really want to sit at the table for much longer once the dessert is over. My preference is to go home and put the kettle on to make tea to my specific taste and drink it from my best mug on the sofa, waistband undone!
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