Lesley in Hong Kong

Hamlet - National Theatre - The One, TST, Hong Kong

http://ntlive.nationaltheatre.org.uk/productions/ntlout10-hamlet

 

                                                                      Set at The Barbican 

People of Hong Kong!

 

I implore you to check the schedules of our movie theatres and look out for the National Theatre, London, productions which are now being screened regularly.

https://www.britishcouncil.hk/en/programmes/arts/national-theatre-live

 

There's a bar

They really are very like an actual theatre experience and a most enjoyable evening out.  There is usually a 20 minute interval, just like an actual performance, where everyone can make use of the bar, have a leg stretch and a toilet break.

Costumes

The most recent one I attended was last weekend at The One, 100 Nathan Road, when I saw the marvellous Benedict Cumberbatch as Hamlet.  It was spectacular.  He was spectacular.   The staging was spectacular.  I was particularly taken with the costumes which were, for the most part, 1940s style apart from Hamlet, Horacio and Ophelia who wore modern casual clothes, hoodies and jeans.  After the 'play with-in the play' scene Cumberbatch wore a long military tail coat with the words 'KING' crudely painted across his back which was quite amusing and under the coat a Ziggy Stardust t-shirt.   I doubt it had any significance to the recent and shocking death of David Bowie as it would have been recorded months ago in London, but it did make me think  - why Ziggy? 

 

Lesley in Bangkok - Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

I have taken myself out of Hong Kong so temporarily I am officially Lesley in Bangkok.  

As there is huge shopping mall about two minutes walk from my hotel and after a day of tiring Grand Palace -ing I couldn't face more walking around and so I purchased a ticket for 150 Baht and went to see Dawn of the Planet of the Apes.

Having suffered at the mercy of arctic air conditioning in Hong Kong I was prepared with my extra clothing to stave off hypothermia and I did truly need it.  I was pleasantly surprised at the comfiness of the seats.  They were big, sumptuous velour  that were high enough for even a tall man's head to rest on so no matter who sat in front of you there would never be a problem of a blocked screen.  They even tipped back a little for ultimate comfort and the bonus option of a double seat, more of a sofa,  for cuddly couples at the back.

Do Not Use Your Mobile Phone

While I waited for the main feature to start I had to endure what I felt was hours of commercials in Thai but they were clearly all good clean public service announcements about not using your mobile phone while driving in case you die and not using your mobile phone in the cinema and causing light pollution in case I kill you - whoops sorry, I didn't mean that last part obviously.  It was a truly welcome advert and I think Hong Kong audiences would get the message if it was pitched in such a way.  Hint hint anyone who texts in their bag and doesn't think it bothers others (me!).

National Anthem

Then after loads of trailers it felt like it was about to start.  Wrong.  Before we could settle down to watch Dawn of the Planet of the Apes we were all instructed politely to stand for the Thai National Anthem.  Everyone did, most respectfully.  It was played while we watched images of the King doing good things  It reminded me that the BBC used to play the British National Anthem before the station closed down for the evening (telly used to stop in those days)  and my Grandad used to stand up, and make whoever was with him, also stand up and show respect.  

Andy Sirkis

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is part two following on from Rise of the Planet of the Apes which stared James Franco as the 'human' and Andy Sirkis as Caesar the Ape.  The skill of playing an animal who so clearly has strong emotions has become Sirkis's unique talent.  Through motion capture technology and his eyes, we become strongly involved with Caesar.

There is no Franco in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes but Sirkis again plays Caesar and we see him as the dominant male in a colony of apes in a time when nearly all humans have been killed by a Simeon flu.  Or have they?  I don't want to throw in any plot spoilers only to say that its one of the best films I've seen in along time and if you are considering going along to see it, watch the first one so you understand how Caesar's role in the film and as leader evolves.  

The CGI  is breathtaking.  The sound quality in that particular cinema meant I kept looking over my shoulder to see if there was a monkey making too much noise behind me.  The score worked perfectly to build scenes to their climax.   The stilted dialogue communicates just how two different points of view can be the same yet equally confused and misunderstood.  It touches on racism, religion, stereotypes and is a study of the human condition in adverse circumstances.  A reflection of what is still going on in certain parts of the world this very day.

 

Abigail's Party - Hong Kong Players

Hong Kong Players Limited

Abigail's Party

by Mike Leigh

Directied by Jodi Gilchrist

McAulay Studio, Hong Kong Arts Centre, February 26th - March 1st, 2014

 1977 BBC Play for Today  

 

It did exactly what it said on the tin.  It was indeed a painful 100 minutes of British comedy.  I squirmed and cringed my way through the crass awkwardness feeling like an intruder, furtively peeking in through the net curtains at a party I wasn't invited to, but a party I desperately wanted to be part of.  

The scene is a chink of 1970s suburban life played out to the soundtrack of Donna Summer's Love to Love you Baby and Jose Feliciano's Come on Baby Light my Fire with a back drop of Novamura wallpaper.   

I wanted to look away, but at the same time I was compelled to see it out so I could be privy to the details of Beverly's party.  Beverly, hatefully portrayed by Moe Moss, with her lid to brow shock of eye make-up, matching her maxi dress,  flirted and schmoozed her way through the evening attending to her guests every need, poisoning them with her hospitality and exposing herself as the ignoramus Laurence knows she really is.  

Ange, played by Kath O'Connor, is so glibly unaware that the rest of the guests, including monosyllabic husband Tony, Jim Lewis, about-to-burst-a-blood-vessel Laurence, Chris Guiness, and of course Sue, Gail Southward,  are just as much irritated by her childish naivety as they are by Bev's superfluous hostess skills.  

As if is is not enough that we are subjected to witnessing the consumption of  pineapple and cheese on sticks, the persistent and irritating offering of cigarettes from a decorative cigarette box on the coffee table and the constant bickering between the hosts, we also have to watch, horrified, while Sue is slowly discharged of all dignity and Laurence becomes so incessantly stressed by Beverly's persona of kitchness he keels over and *dies.

If I had been a little more prepared I could have brought a cushion to hide behind during the closing scene so I could have shielded my delicate eyes from the unceremonious scrabble on the Berber rug and gone to bed thinking everyone went home and lived happily ever after...

I absolutely loved every moment of this production.  I had high expectations before taking my seat but I was not disappointed in any way.  

*I thought about this as a spoiler alert but frankly this play has been around since 1977 and if you don't know how it ends it's your fault. 

 

 

A Clockwork Orange - by Action to the World Theatre Company, London - Hong Kong tour

A Clockwork Orange directed by Alexandra Spencer-Jones

by Anthony Burgess

November 6-10 2013

Lyric Theatre, Wan Chai, Hong Kong

 

‘An outstanding all-male ensemble. The pure physicality and energy is astonishing. This is a show that everyone should experience.’★★★★★ WhatsOnStage

My ticket purchase was made months ago in order to secure a seat and experience this production.  A mixture of anxious anticipation with the possibility of having my senses battered and overwhelmed confused me.  My own experience of watching Stanley Kubrick's version had  left me disturbed and horrified but in no doubt that it is an excellent movie.

Extreme Cinema - Mark Kermode speaks  I highly recommend you take 4 minutes to listen to the good Doctor introducing A Clockwork Orange on Channel 4 who explains the background and why it was banned in 1971.

The simplistic black set with only a black table and chairs meant the actors used minimal props to symbolize and move the plot on.  The ensemble of nine males played every role, including the female character.  Dressed in black trousers and either a white vest or a black vest with contrasting black or white braces was occassionally supplemented with a sneeky pop of something orange. 

Action to the World is a physical theatre company and their depiction throughout is balletic  and beautiful.  The implied violence through skilled choreography was enough to be explicit in the mind.  The Shakespearean delivery of the dialogue using Alex and his Droogs own language evoked a terrifying and enthralling experience, luring us in to the seedy violent world of disenchanted adolescence and gang boredom. 

It was utterly brilliant and without a doubt one of the best stage performances I have seen in Hong Kong.

 

 

 

 

 

 

One Man, Two Guvnors 41st Hong Kong Arts Festival 2013

If you didn't get your act together and booked your ticket for this wonderful event, which is part of the 2013 Arts Festival, way back in October, then you've probably missed your window of opportunity to see it in Hong Kong.  So you're going to be feeling totally frustrated and generally pissed off once you read my blog telling you how bloody marvelous it is.

It is bloody marvelous!

One Man, Two Guvnors is a brilliant play encompassing the basic elements of a British farce with very satisfying door swinging, mistaken identity and trousers down moments linked with Commedia dell'Arte  and based on Goldoni's The Servant of Two Masters.  So if you don't know (I didn't) have a quick read on Wikipedia and learn.

Set in Brighton (which is interesting) 1963 our protagonist, Francis Henshall, a most cheeky chappy who is on stage for 99% of the time and holds the whole play together, while interacting with the audience as well as making us all believe and care about his character, even when he appears to go out of character - keep your wits about you - which was all part of the suspension of disbelief and I was suspended and believed hook line and sinker.

I loved the baddie, the cad the cavalier Stanley Stubbers, even though I wasn't supposed to,  but his line 'Smells worse than a doctor's finger' was, for me, one of the funniest of the night. 

I particularly loved the set which was large painted sections of movable walls with a nod to the era using 1960's colour and design (which means clashing, bordering on bad taste kitsch)  while at the same time tricked the eye resulting in a feel of the whole stage being much taller and deeper than it really is. 

I have to mention the band.  So refreshing in Hong Kong to have musicians on view and also looking cool.  As a special treat the boys in the band, think Buddy Holly/Beatles lookalike and soundalike, come up on stage at the beginning and during set changes to entertain.  Dressed in matching suits and skinny black ties, thier slicked backed quiffs and large horn rimmed glasses add to the 60's mood and I loved the metal vintage microphones.

I had a wonderful evening of entertainment in Wan Chai's Lyric Theatre and it was very convenient to partake in a little beverage or two in one of the many fine establishments after the play was over.  Hey hey!

You can get all sorts in Wan Chai

And Marks and Spencer's Food provides a very useful service.

Girl Put Your Records On...

Music is a wonderful thing

Record Player

Best of The Eagles back cover

I have been listening to it on a daily basis all my life and in these high-tech-state-of-the-art and other cliched phrases I could use about the way music is marketed to us masses - it is easier than ever.  It is cheaper than ever and its probably of a such a high quality that our ears don't even appreciate it.  I am speaking for myself in case you want to write and challenge me on that last point.

Technical Process

I can download music while sitting at my laptop (in bed, on the sofa in Starbucks)  and have it immediately coming into my ears by the process of - well I have not idea how it works, perhaps it's magic?  I can still buy a CD from a shop that sells music and then download it onto itunes and then my ipod and then I can have it with me 24 hours a day - if I so choose.  I can have music playing from my laptop, from my tv, from my car radio, from my ipod dock.  If I so wished I could install integral speakers into the ceiling of my home and have music piped into every room including the bathroom.  If I so choose. 

Vinyl Discs

But it didn't used to be like that.  I used to save up my pounds shillings and pence and buy vinyl records.  I will provide a photograph of the circular black vinyl discs for those too young to have a clue what I'm talking about.

This is a long playing vinyl record which plays at 33 1/3 revolutions per minute

And then I would take my record out of its paper sleeve and play it on my record player which was kept on the floor of my bedroom.  It had a plug and 3 speeds, 72 rpm, 33rpm and 45 rpm and a speaker.  You can see the two knobs on the front, off/on and the volume.  There was nothing else to control. 

Mine was like this

I've Got a Record Player

The breaking news I'm building up to is that I now have a record player.  It's true.  I have a 'new' record player and old records and have spent a very pleasant day playing them.  I hadn't remembered how labour intensive it is.  I had to constantly keep tending the machine, changing the record, putting them back in their paper sleeve and then the slightly awkward more difficult process of slipping the paper bit back into the cardboard bit.  You know what I mean?  If you don't get the angle right it just doesn't slip in smoothly (yak yak fnar fnar).

I started with The Eagles and as soon as I had placed the needle on the first track (with small coin fixed on the top for extra weight), heard the familiar crackle,  and then the introduction.  One of These Nights burst out into the room I was back in my bedroom and a 16 year old - alone- learning the words.  That was my aim, to listen to each track continuously for days and days and months and months until I knew the song and then not only would I know the track off by heart, I knew how long the pause would be before the next introduction to the next song would take and come in, on time, with the first line.  I could not listen to this song anywhere else unless I took it round my mates house to play on her record player, there was no way to listen if I wasn't right by my record player in my room. 

I've had a blast from the past with Best of The Eagles and a few Rod and The Faces and I've re experienced Frankie Goes to Hollywood ' Relax' and danced in the lounge and now I've discovered that I actually do like Led Zepplin which I truely didn't know.  I know I like Stairway to Heaven, I mean who doens't, but my memory of Led Zep as a teenager was a terrible uncomfortable noise coming out of the sixth form common room.  I pretended to like it to impress a boy once, but I was too besotted with The Bay City Rollers at the time to give Plant and Page much attention. 

A Led Zepplin record wot I like

I announce to the world that I do in fact like Led Zepplin.  I have to go now the neighbours are banging on the door and seem angry...

 

 

 

 

Ode to the Transport Department - part 2

I've warned you!

Do you remember the thrill of receiving actual post.  Paper letters that dropped through the letter box, landing on the hall floor tiles, looking enticing.  What could it be?  A love letter from a distant boyfriend?  A cheque from a recently deceased uncle's estate?  A long newsie letter from a friend you haven't seen in ages?

How it used to be done

These days correspondence, meaning paper letters, are few and far between.  Email is the favoured mode of communication, even utilitiy bills and bank statements are online with a cocophany of security devices of such a high level that even Tom Cruise couldn't work out your user ID or password never mind operate the card scanning machine combined with a secure password generator to check if that air miles coupon has been received yet.

But today I got a letter.

The outside of the envelope revealed that it was On Government Service and from the Transport Department and as you know, gentle reader, I now have a deep and inimate relationship with them due to the high volume of correspondence that has been exchanged between us over the last two weeks.

Feeling nervous, a slightly raised heart rate and bit of a sweat, I tore open the white official envelope in the giddy anticipation of receiving confirmation that they now have my new address and all is well with the world.

Gutted!

They have returned to me, at my new address (this is the operative phrase here) {to the tune of the 12 Days of Christmas} my used envelope with stamp, my original letter informing them of the change of address, their letter to me asking for proof of address, a photocopy of 2 utility bills showing the new address, their letter to me saying they cannot accept the new address because I did not send a photocopy of my ID card, a photocopy of my ID Card and photocopy driving licence just to be on the safe side, and now their new letter to me, at my NEW ADDRESS with the option of 'Other' ticked and then hand written on the line.

'The new address is different with the address proof'

meaning that although they have now returned my documents and their documents to me three times to MY NEW ADDRESS and I have replied plus they have phoned me and spoken to me about this matter, they are unable to process the 'application' at the moment.

This is because the way the telephone company has written my new address on their letter to me is slightly different to the way I wrote my new address on my letter to the Transport Department and now they are confused. 

I have now tried their online service where 'Change of Address' is an option.  I clicked on a few 'Agree to Terms and Conditions' boxes and then waited.  Nothing happened for a good 3 minutes and it warned me that the process could take 5 to 10 minues.  After a while up popped an error message telling my system did not support their requirements to complete this Change of Address online process.

I am casting my eyes upwards to a higher being for help now.

If I was Basil Faulty I would lash the whole of the Transport Department with a tree branch.

If I was Mr Angry from Purley I would throw the phone down.

 

 

Confirmation that Speedos should be worn by all men

St. Kilda's Beach Australia

Please watch the Man dancing to LMFAO with his boom box.

 

Speedos - My Confession

I will not back down on this subject.  Speedos are good.  Speedos make sense.  Watch the video of the guy in Australia.  And obviously no one complained when David Wilkie won his gold medal at the Olympics wearing said perfectly acceptable swim wear.

 

 

 

Private Lives, McAulay Studio Theatre, Wanchai, Hong Kong

The comic masterpiece by Noel Coward The man

Private Lives

February 22nd-25th, 2012

McAulay Studio Theatre, Wanchai, Hong Kong  Website

Adam Harris, Director and Elyot Chase and much much more

Noel Coward (1899-1971) wrote Private Lives What Wikipedia says over the course of just four days while recovering from illness at the Peace Hotel in Shanghai. 

(Tenuous Hong Kong link)  He typed up his final manuscript while staying at the Peninsula Hotel in Kowloon. 

After a provincial tour the play had its London opening at the Phoenix Theatre on 24th September, 1930 with Coward himself as Elyot and Gertrude Lawrence as Amanda.  Victor was played by a very young Laurence Olivier.

In this satire the affectations and polite manners of the upper crust in the 1930s are exposed, and ultimately shattered, by giving the audience an intimate glimpse of life behind closed doors.  It shows that the human condition has no class boundaries so the horrors of domestic violence, drug and alcohol abuse and the inevitable breakdown of a relationship is just as pathetic for the upper classes as it is for the participants of a Jeremy Kyle talk show.  I am quite sure that the twists and turns of Elyot and Amanda's relationship have been used in every soap opera from Coronation Street to Dallas.

The farcical sequence of events the four main characters are subjected to are comedic, but just like a member of a Jeremy Kyle audience, squirmingly uncomfortable to witness.  Snorting cocaine, face slapping, drink slinging and bottle breaking are there to shock and seduce. 

The close proximity of the audience to the cast in the McAuley Studio creates an intimate feel.  To witness a drama performance  in this way makes the experience highly engaging.  Watching Elyot and Amanda being intimate on their sofa, as if at home, almost made me want to avert my eyes.  Were we eves-dropping, spying on them?  Were we supposed to be there so involved in the sexual tension?  Seeing them relaxing, guard down in night wear, a smidgen away from nakedness?

It was particularly enjoyable to see Adam Harris in his pyjamas and especially thrilling to see him with such a dapper, slicked-back,  hair cut.  He is captivating to watch and, when dressed,  his costume was elegant and stylish.   Surely the driving force in this production.

Who on earth dressed Amanda?  The opening scene featured a very flimsy black full length petticoat which was badly made and ill-fitting.  She left the scene to 'slip on a dress' and entered with an even worse cream shiny number, again flimsy, badly made and ill-fitting but this time the zip had broken.  I know it is easy to get things made in Hong Kong - so why not get something substantial that fits?  The awful dresses would probably not have been so noticeable if it hadn't been for the dreadful nylon wig which had a greeny, yellow tinge and in no way could have been mistaken for real hair - forget the wig go with your real hair!

The character of Sibyl was truly annoying. She was meant to be irritating, spoilt, immature and asian.  She succeeded.

Private Lives produced and directed by the irrepressible and dapper Adam Harris, the George Clooney of Hong Kong, was an excellent and brave production.  I highly recommend going to see future performances or productions where Adam is involved.

 

Coming soon Vincent, a one-man show about the artist Vincent van Gogh in May

 

 

 

Viz Educational Recruitment

Viz Adult Comic

 

I just had to share these spoof adverts from this months Viz.  I am thinking of applying!

 

Rutland Council Schools Service

WANTED

Large-Breasted Female English Teacher   24-30K

A busy boys-only secondary school in Oakham is seeking a new English teacher.  The appointee will have a good knowledge of 20th Century English Literature, familiarity with the requirements of the National Curriculum and a flimsy blouse, straining at the buttons.

Main duties will involve providing masturbatory inspiration for boys in Years 9, 10 and 11, as well as subject matter for crudely-drawn desk-lid graffiti.  An existing rumour about having posed for pornographic photographs on the internet would be an advantage but is not essential, as this will start following the first assembly the successful applicant attends.

For an application form contact Mr Geoff Plywood, Deputy Head, St. Oswalds High Street, Rutland

"Helping Pupils Maximise Achievement of their Individual Potential" 

Rutland Council Schools Service

or

 

Redditch County Council require a

Bitter, Jaded Geography Teacher

Grade 2  38-41K pa

Redditch County Council are seeking a tired, disenchanted professional to go through the motions of teaching geography A level at a comprehensive school in the borough.

We're looking for someone with a complete lack of drive and ambition to sit in front of a class, drinking coffee for up to 40 minutes at a time.  The successful candidate will have:-

• a farcial record of absenteeism
• given every piece of homework he has ever marked 7/10 without reading it
• absolutely no desire for promotion
• not changed his lesson plans for at least 15 years

In addition he will be cynically counting the days to the earliest opportunity he has to take early retirement on the grounds of ill health whilst retaining his full pension entitlement.

If this sounds like you, then reply enclosing the same CV you had in 1976 to Mrs Audrey Frodsham, ref. V654, Town Hall Reddith RE5

Reddich Schools, more than just schools...Redditch Schools!

New Passport British Consulate Hong Kong

 

Did you know that the procedure for applying for a British passport through the British Consulate in Hong Kong has changed?

It has.

the following is copied from the British Consulate Website

Changes to your application from 18 August

Please note the following changes that will affect your passport application. With effect from 18 August 2011, the Regional Passport Processing Centre in Hong Kong will process your passport. The passport will be printed in the United Kingdom. You will receive two packages, one containing the supporting documents you submitted, and the second package directly from the UK with your new passport.

 

Previously if you needed a new passport while living in Hong Kong you could go along to the Consulate, queue up to get through security, hand your phone in, then have your application processed in that office.   This has changed.  You can still submit your application to that office but it is sent to the UK, printed in the UK and sent back to you via DHL. 

This means it takes much longer than it used to so be aware - you need to give yourself at least four  weeks.  I suggest six to be on the safe side, plus you can apply for a passport nine months before it expires.

If you fail to do this and do need to travel and have no vailid passport then you can apply for an Emergency Travel Document (100 pounds) which you can only apply for the day before you travel.

How to apply from Hong Kong

All the information is on the website but I really thought I should make people aware of this change because you need to allow a lot more time since they changed the system in August 2011

How to get there

 

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Location and access

 

British Consulate-General, Hong Kong

---

The British Consulate-General is located at

1 Supreme Court Road,

opposite the Conrad International Hotel.

The closest MTR station is Admiralty. Use Exit C1 and take the escalator up into Queensway Shopping Centre and walk into Pacific Place. Take the escalators up towards Hong Kong Park. You will come out on Supreme Court Road. Turn left for the British Council and British Consulate-General.

Entrance to our consular, visa and passport services is located on Justice Drive.

There is no parking or waiting room for cars outside the Consulate building.

Tom Wood Painter

Tom posing next to his portrait of Prince Charles in the National Portrail Gallery in London

 

Here is a link to Tom Wood's new book show casing some beautiful paintings of recent times.

It's produced on a site called Blurb, you can have a look through the virtual pages and then place an order if you so wish.

 

Tom Wood's new book

 

Tom Wood Artist

Click on the link above to read Tom's blog.

 

 

 

 

New in Hong Kong part 2

 

There is so much ground to cover on the subject of being new in Hong Kong I feel it needs a second installment...

 

Learning Cantonese

In the beginning you will have positive intentions about learning the language.  You will imagine that it is possible to pick it up from other Hong Kong friends you meet.  You may even consider or even attend Cantonese lessons.  In about a year, or longer, you will feel confident to say the name of your street in Cantonese to a taxi driver and even though his reaction will undoubtedly be 'HA!" with a confused tone and you have to repeat it 27 times and have a conversation in English with his control room in English, you will have made progress because at least the words are being emitted from your mouth.  You will also be more confident to ask the taxi driver or minibus driver to stop in Cantonese.  Top tip on the bus 'Pass the Jam Old Boy' gets the mini bus to stop, try shouting it out from the back seat today and see what happens.  You are allowed to feel proud if it stops where you want.  

Even though some words people say to you are actually English they have a Cantonese twist which make them harder to understand.   Just because you start copying these words doesn't mean you can speak Cantonese although you will be understood.   For example  MTR low for MTR,  capak for car park, ecuse me for excuse me or the strange custom of saying Cheers when posing for a photograph when obviously the word is Cheese (what does it mean anyway?).

Public Transport

Hong Kong public transport system is the world's best, and I mean that most sincerely folks.    But to start with the names of the stations will be just noise and your journey will involve intense interest in the map with the little lights.  Your heart rate may increase as you near your station with the anticipation of what to do once you get to street level.   You will be one of those annoying people who dither and delay when scanning the magical Octopus card (have you got one yet!)  or, god forbid, at the bottom of escalators.  You may even be at risk of looking like a tourist - someone who reads the Exit signs and carries a map trying to find their way.  It is your mission not to look like a tourist by the way so avoid huge baggy shorts and socks with sandals especially in Central or TST and try not to be so pale. 

Exotic Food 

As a newbie in Hong Kong some of the food may be a challenge. Challenging Food   Chop sticks may hinder your progress but believe me you'll master those quickly.   I doubt that pig intestine, chicken's feet or a number of deep sea endangered species will ever become normal but try to be receptive to the new food and products you see in restaurants and supermarkets.   It could be a mistake to be constantly craving that particular gravy mix or condiment from back home.  It is known for some expats to bring back suitcases of their favourite consumable or even have their mother send it in bulk as a special treat.  Stop this at once.  You can get everything in Hong Kong.  Absolutely anything you want is available you just need to know where to get it (be prepared to pay for it) and if you don't then ask me!

Useful sites to make your life easier

Welcome Delivers

Park N Shop

Broadway Circuit art house cinema

Asia Expat for second hand stuff

Get into the Country Parks

Hiking Options - there is more than city

 

 

 

 

New in Hong Kong

Have you just arrived?

It is the time of year when a lot of new people arrive in Hong Kong.  There is a period of settling in and discoveries are made.  If you are new, let me warn you now, that you will feel a range of emotions on an hourly basis and the main focus of these emotions will be whether you have made the right decision about giving up your previous life to live away from your old friends and family.  You will change your mind depending upon the peaks and troughs of your experience, as I say, on an hourly basis.

OK may be I'm exaggerating about feeling differently every hour, but you will have moments of doubt.  

Spending Money

Obviously when you first arrive it is exciting and there are loads of things to do, organize and buy.  There will be a hemorrhaging from your bank account as you shell out two months of rent in advance, perhaps buy a car (not so much 2nd hand) tax a car (outrageous), Bonus Driving Blog FYI furnish your apartment.  And all the incidental purchases that make a home homely add up.  You will need mosquito, cockroach and ant deterrent, dehumidifiers to suck up the extra moisture that lingers in your wardrobes and rots your clothes, damp patch blog anti mold potions to keep the unsightly black film off your bathroom ceiling and new filters for your air conditioning units which may never have been cleaned. 

Funds will Fly

Your funds will fly out of your wallet in the flurry of socializing and meeting new people.  Hong Kong bar prices can be painfully high but you don't know that yet because you haven't established the exchange rate in your head accurately so you keep on buying drinks.  And because you are new and have no friends you say yes to all invitations because you want to come across as friendly and interesting.   After a while you will stop even attempting to remember any exchange rate and you will also become wiser about happy hours.

Oh and keep in mind that you will receive a lovely green envelope through the post probably just after Christmas,  this will be your tax bill.

Domestic Helpers

Guide to employing a domestic helper

You will have conversations with people who are not so new about 'helpers'.  In some cases it will be essential to hire a domestic helper so that you can actually go out of the house and do the job you have come to Hong Kong for, leaving your children to be looked after by the helper you don't know yet.  That will mean cooking, cleaning, delivering children to school, picking them up again, playing with your children and getting their pjs on just in time for you to come home, exhausted, to say good night!   A myriad of emotions just there.

Decadence

In some cases you might just want the luxury of having a cleaner.  Someone to wash and iron and make your apartment spic and span as if the fairies really did come when you were out, removed all dirt and make your home into a showroom.   You may not feel the need for such a service to start with.  You may not be used to such decadence, it may be against your principles to employ a third country national and pay them the minimum wage.  You may feel strongly that you should clean up your own mess.  Don't spend too much time beating yourself up about this - get a helper as soon as possible!

Weather Warnings

Hong Kong Observatory

Your first typhoon could be exciting, you might even have a day off from the new job and the government will infiltrate your mind through pubic service warnings encouraging you to tape over your windows, bring in heavy objects from the balcony and hide under the bed.  This will undoubtedly be unnecessary and you will be left wondering if the typhoon happened or not?  The same goes for the colour of rain, a science no one understands involving amber, red or lucky black.  Lucky because it could be a potential day off too. What to do 'official guide' Hot and Cold weather warnings are also there to protect the population so you will be advised to wear a vest when its cold and stay indoors when its hot.  A government official will call around to check on the vest wearing in winter, be warned!

Being a Giant

Map of MTR lines

Transport will be tricky.  Not only will it take time to become confident and not anxious about getting places on the MTR or mini bus you will also constantly feel like a giant person when travelling on public transport.  The seats and the width of the steps seem tiny as do every other asian person around you.  I cannot honestly say that this improves over time.   This is also a feature of clothes buying but I would need a few miles of blogging to vent my feelings about sizes of lovely clothes that don't fit and how my whole wardrobe has been purchased on holidays back home or from M&S.

Obey all Rules

Fun Police Blog

 Be aware that you must conform and do everything exactly as the Hong Kong Government and  every assosiated agency require.  If you try to buck any system you will not succeed.  Every form you are required to fill in must be 100% accurate.  If  you are asked to produce photocopies of your Grannies 25 yards swimming certificate to your last water rates bill don't for one second think they don't mean it, they most certainly do, so read every form 28 times before submitting it.  You will be asked for your HK ID card number every step of the way so memorize it immediately and be grateful for it.  Without it you will get no where, whether its getting a phone line or library book that ID card makes things happen.  

If you are an experienced Hong Kong expat what advice would you give the newbies?

 

 

 

Nowhere Boy - directed by Sam Taylor-Wood

John Lennon  1961

Aaron Johnson  plays John Lennon 2010

 

I enjoyed this film a lot.  It is the story of John Lennon's adolescence, an important period in his life when his beloved uncle died suddenly leaving him with his Aunt Mimi and  also explains the very very complicated relationship he had with his mother. It ends, and I don't think I'm giving away anything here, as he heads off to Hamburg with his new band, what were they called again?  The Beatles, that's it.

We meet Paul and George fleetingly, it's too early for Ringo, but it's not about The Beetles, it's about John as a teenager and the relationships in his life which probably had a massive influence on his music and choice of instrument later.

It is British.  I am a total fan of the quiet portrayal of a character who comes alive in an authentic setting.   The attention to detail in every frame and set is delicious.  I was enthralled by each room, perfectly constructed to transport us to 1955 Liverpool.  If it was Aunt Mimi's semi detached middle class parlor or the Head master's office it was so good you could almost smell it. 

It's not a new release, it came out last year, but has only just made it to Broadway Cinamatique in Yau Ma Tei click here for  On line Ticket Sales

This is the first movie directed by the artist/photographer Sam Taylor-Wood and she has obviously used her 'eye' in the making of this, I look forward to her next work.

Hiking in Sapa, Northern Vietnam Highlands

ET Pumpkin Adventure Travel

                                            Black H'Mong Tribes women and children

Location of Sapa

 The Journey Begins

I arrived at Hanoi Railway Station in the dark in time to get on the night train leaving at 9.10pm and arriving in Lao Cai at 5.30am.  It was quite a chaotic scene, once the ticket collectors let us through the entrance and onto the platforms.  In the dark it was quite difficult to see where any platform was and which train went where, but the night train to Sapa is a well travelled route and it was easy enough to follow the crowd and find the right train, the right carriage (special ET Pumpkin carriage written on the side) and the right berth and soft sleeper. 

I joined a jolly friendly couple from New Zealand (hello Steve and Veronica!) who were originally from England and we immediately exchanged life stories and bonded.  The young lady from New York who entered the berth a few minutes later thought we knew each other already and seemed perturbed at the easy way the conversation flowed.  Perhaps New Yorkers are more reserved?

Soft sleeper

The soft sleeper was soft enough and we were all supplied with water, a pillow and a quilt to keep us warm during the night.  The train is air conditioned.  It pulled away on time and we were on our way. 

Rocking and Rolling

After about half an hour the speed picked up and the rocking started.  And my goodness did it rock!  I can only compare it to a fair ground ride which went on for hours and hours.  None of the rocking or the metal grinding noises seemed to bother my three sleeping buddies who all settled down quickly and went to sleep.  I watched Veronica across the aisle from me and I guess she was being nudged up and down with the motion of the train by about a foot each time.  I could feel the contents of my stomach being shook.

The train arrived on time and all went to plan.  We then took a mini van to the town of Sapa itself and as we pulled up outside the first guest house to let some passengers off what seemed like an invasion of screeching Black H'Mong women dressed in their traditional costumes came rushing across the road to greet the new tourists.  At first I thought it would be a hard selling mission but actually all they wanted to do was accompany the travellers.

Tribeswomen

The same happened when I got off at Pumpkin Guest House.  The H'Mong women gathered outside on the steps all giddy and excited to join the new people.

                                       Waiting in anticipation

 Breakfast was served, scrambled eggs but not the way I have ever had them before, that is not a positive comment and I thought about offering a quick cookery lesson...

By 9.30am our group was gathered and our friendly guide was leading us up the hill and into the vast valley of stepped rice paddies.  Dih, the guide had excellent English and was able to point out all the important landmarks on the way.  Surprisingly the H'Mong women and young girls who walked with our group, and I would say we had about 15 with us, had really good basic English skills.  Enough to ask how old I was! How many children do I have and where I am from.  Then they were able to tell me about themselves.  Dih explained that none of these women or their daughters went to school but learnt English from tourists. 

The weather was cool, drizzly and very slippy underfoot, especially on the downhill sections.  I was well equipped as I had planned this in advance although for some of the group this must have been an afterthought as they had sandals with no grip or borrowed purple wellies also with no grip.  This meant slow progress down hill as well as a few falls and muddy bottoms.  Each time it got a bit tricky or slippy the H'Mong women were really helpful, assisting us and ensuring we didn't fall.  Their footwear was merely plastic sandals and they do that walk every day.

Mavis

New best friend

Sue

Rita

The hike lasted until 5pm with lunch in a H'Mong village on the way which consisted of fried chicken, rice and salad and chocolate bar.  This was eaten in a little hut, which had a tv, while we were viewed by the children of the village through the window.  I felt like a novelty item or feeding time at the zoo but they were actually very polite children who then really nicely shared any food we didn't want between each of them very fairly which was lovely to see.

In the evening I was given a basic three course meal in the guest house and then had an exploratory look around the town which has typical shops selling Vietnamese style silk clothes and H'Mong items all embroidered in the traditional style.  There are a variety of places to eat from Vietnamese to Thai, Indian and a few western choices too.  Because of the French influence there are a few lovely patisseries.

The next day was a similar hike although it was shorter and was over by 12 o clock.  Frankly the first one was the best and all the things we saw and were explained to us by Sue

We'd already heard the day before, plus the route was very touristy following concrete steps to a waterfall.  The route was lined with market stalls for most of the way although they were not overly pushy.  Of course if you go down hill you must go up again and that was a bit of a slog but we had a break and a cold drink and a lolly looking over the valley at the beautiful rice paddies.

ET Pumpkin, Ma May Street, Hanoi

I used this company for a two day hiking trip to Sapa in the North Highlands of Vietnam.  Their website was clear and easy to use and the trip turned out to be exactly as it said in their information.  It short it was a really interesting and very different holiday experience.  I would have every confidence in recommending this company and would definitely use them again.

I paid for the trip in advance, before I got to Vietnam, by transferring money via Western Union, that was really easy and straightforward.  Pumpkin acknowledged receipt of the money by the next day. 

The price of the trip included an overnight train ride from Hanoi to Lao Cai Railway Station and then a half hour bus ride to Sapa itself.  One night in a basic guest house, all meals and then an overnight train ride back to Hanoi.  All in all I had three nights away.

The Rule of Pants

Pants - you have to have standards

I ventured into the realms of fashion a couple of days ago and made it known to the world that there are very strict rules regarding the wearing of socks.  If there are still folk out there who are unsure or unaware of the rules please refer to the previous blog called Socks- it's a mine field.  It has been suggested that I add a section about hikers and the red sock and chunky hiking boot plus there has been dispute over dark socks and trainers - honestly its a cheek!

I am now turning my attention to the subject of pants.  I mean pants, the sort you wear under your clothes (not trousers).  Briefs, knickers, panties, underwear, skivvies, smalls (feel free to add more names). 

I think this subject needs to be dealt with according to gender so I will tackle the men first.

There seems to be two main camps when the subject of male underwear is chosen and worn.  One lot prefer the boxer and the other the tighter cotton brief.  I am not a man.  It is a matter of personal choice, I cannot stress this enough.  But it has always been a bit of a mystery to me why men want to wear cotton boxers that have no support or stretch in them.  Surely a little support in that area would be beneficial?  I am just thinking how bras offer such support for females so it follows that the same would be true of the testicle area?  A further advantage of the brief would be less bulk under trousers or shorts, surely?  All explanations would be welcome here.

 

I also need to direct you to my previous blog on speedos and my confession at ths point.

Boxer Shorts

No Commandos Please

The strictest rule for males to adhere to is the wearing of underwear or at least if you have no underwear and are going to wear shorts then it is essential that the shorts have their own sewn in liner offering a snug hammock for the male parts and ensuring there is no embarrassment.  For instance when sitting down with legs apart or casually placing ones foot on a chair giving others an unrestricted view up the leg of the shorts. 

Female Pants

There are hundreds of different styles for women and it should logically follow that there should be enough styles for all the different shaped bottoms in the world.  But you'd be wrong.  Women's pants manufacturers are blind to the fact that pants have to cover cheeks so not make the dreaded VPL (visible pantie line) plus the invention of the thong has merely created a nasty infection spreading razor which is a useless piece of clothing.

Trinny and Susannah do talk some sense when it comes to foundation garments and have exposed a number of out of control wobbling bottoms in their attempt to up the standard of acceptable dress in the UK.  Magic Knickers

Girls, don't continue with ill fitting knickers that dig into your flesh and cause bulges ga lour.  There are some excellent body shaping items in Marks & Spencer these days.

And Spanx have a whole range of items to smooth any lump or bump.  See the Spanx Before and After photographs for yourself.  

 
There is even a male version of Spanx and I don't think men should shy away from this garment.  It could be a revolution for bellies world wide.  Spanx for Men offer compression under garments to help suck in bellies, its the Playtex 18 hour girdle for men.  It had to come one day.

 

Gentle reader, I conducted my own photographic survey this morning of pants in the local vicinity and I was shocked and horrified at some of the sights I found hanging around the place for all to see.  My mother was too shy to hang her pants on the washing line and kept them drying inside for modesty sake!  But some of the examples of shabby, worn out rags that pass  as underwear need to be seriously assessed and made into dusters at once.  (that's what my mother also used to do).  Check your knicker drawer now and if there are any that look like this, put them in the bin.

 

The washed out dark blue
 
 
 

 

 

 

 

                                                      Little and Large

 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Skiddies!

 

 

 

                                            Duster pretending to be underwear.

The Internet and me, a work in progress.

Dumber

Does the internet make us stupid?

It seems quite hypocritical of me to write a blog which is anti Google.  To write anything and publish it on the internet for all to share and read while at the same time be full of doubt and worry and concern about whether it makes us stupid could make me stupid too?

 But I am genuinely worried.

 
Click Here

Is the capability of finding information at the click of a button  really the best way to run ones life?

 Who is Accountable?

The number one question has to be about trust.  Do you trust the information you are taken to?  Is it up to date?  Is it ethical?  Is it accountable?  Newspapers can be taken to Court for slander or liable if they do not report the truth.  They are accountable whatever you think of them, even the News of the World  or even South China Morning Post (actually I need to check that!).   But any old slapper can write an article and whack it up on a  website and pass it off as being true.  People can pretend to be someone else and actively try to hide their identity.  (My name IS Lesley Croft btw).

Close Your Lid

As a teacher of students who all have their own MacBook on their desk and have the capability of googling anything.  I suspect that they have all become completely addicted to their computers and are a bunch of slovenly layabouts who can't even do any thinking for themselves. The recent best seller by Nicholas Carr called The Shallows  suggests that the use of the internet is altering the way we think and we have become less able to digest large and complex amounts of information such as...books.  Are we now a world of 'slacktivists'.  More about Nicholas Carr

"Should we reintroduce the death penalty?" I ask my class in an attempt to spark a discussion where opinions will be flying around the room like electricity. (not meant to be a pun)

Then I find a student who has typed the question into google and sets about opening up the squillion results to find the right answer.  FGS (I'm not sure if that is a cool and hip acronym to write, like LOL, but For God's Sake comes natural to me so I feel it is worthy of a FGS).  Use your own brain I yell!  Close your lid!

Shirley Turkle has expressed much the same concerns in her book, Alone Together Why we Expect more from Technology and Less from Each Other.  Because when it boils down to it using the powerful tool that is the internet via your lap top or your blackberry or your iphone is just you, in a room alone.  You/we/me enjoy the contact and communication and sense of sharing we can get through the power of the internet.  As humans we want to share and we get immense enjoyment out of sharing.  This must be true otherwise why would Facebook or Twitter or the capability to comment on any random YouTube video be so popular?   But would we enjoy it more or less if we had that face to face communication as easily. In this world of social networking just how sociable are we really?

Hello FB Friends!  Come to my party

So if I was in a real live room with all my real live friends on Facebook would I be so keen to like them or comment on their new hat or latest holiday snaps?  I predict there would be lots of moments of awkwardness, perhaps a few stifled yawns where the latest photos of their latest meal would get the better of me.  Would I really be able to show the same enthusiasm towards their beautiful wife on her birthday.  In the past those sentiments would only be shared in a personal birthday card which would stand on the sideboard.  Now everyone gets to read it!   I would struggle to remember names.  And there would be at least one full-on-punches-and-everything-thrown fight, quite a few slanging matches not to mention one or two intimate, yet flirtatious, conversations in a few dark corners.  And because all of these people are my friends I would be responsible for such an event and be the one who is blamed for the disaster that would be a party.

Those Where The Days

In my day when there was no internet or mobile phone or even a phone in the house.   What did I do?  I watched the three available channels on the telly, once they came on in the evening.  Before that I read as many Enid Blyton books as I could get my hands on.  I knocked on the doors of my friends to see if they wanted to come out to play.  All friends lived no more than 100 yards away.  When the local paper came I read that and found out what was happening in the area approximately of a 50 mile radius of where I lived.  For a change we would walk to the chip shop, sometimes we would have money to buy chips.  When I got older and could venture to Stockton to buy music I brought home 45rpm singles and played them on repeat with the arm back on the record player so I would learn them by heart (ask me to sing Puppy Love by Donny Osmond).

You know what, it was boring compared to the information sharing, movies, music and breaking news we have available to us now so perhaps this 'real world' that many hark back to is an illusion and just never really existed?  Being in a room alone with a computer seems much more attractive to being in a room alone with a Danset record player and a Donny Osmond 45.

 

Coronation Street

I have fallen off the wagon and am now back in the routine of watching Coronation Street on a week day daily basis.  I never thought it would catch me again having weened myself off it ten years ago.  But Granada TV is now a channel on offer on Now TV in Hong Kong with a 6.30am and a 6.30pm viewing every day.  On the weekend there is an omnibus edition on Sundays although I do avoid watching it then.  Oh! what am I saying?  I watch it then, sometimes, too!

Steve MacDonald

Quite a bit has changed over a decade and the Hong Kong viewing is about three years behind the real life happening now UK viewings.  But it doesn't matter a jot to me because I haven't seen anything.  Obviously I know there was a tram crash to mark the Ken Barlow 50th year in the longest running soap in the world, but I actually don't know who survived and who was snubbed out then.

So it doesn't matter.  I know I can google it all but what's the fun in that?  Plus it doesn't involve much concentration.  It is possible to peel potatoes, chop onions, answer the phone, shave legs or carry out other slightly more demanding intellectual activities such as writing blogs.

Liz MacDonald

So this is what is happening now, deep breath, brace yourself :-

Liz MacDonald is the landlady of the Rovers Return and is married to Vernon (not Jim so she is).  Steve lives in the Rovers with her and is with a smart woman who is the sister of Liam who is married to Maria who has just lost a baby and Liam's sister in law is Carla who is a widow so Liam's brother died (don't ask) and she lives with a Scottish bloke who works away and is rich so while he's away Carla flirts madly with Liam and it drives Maria bonkers.  Now Maria is staying with Audrey who has just been in contact with Gail's dad after 50 years and he didn't even know he had a daughter and was well upset and now Gail wants to get in touch but Audrey is not bothered although it upsets Bill who she lives with.  David is in jail for pushing his mother, Gail, down the stairs and she has forgiven him but why lord only knows and Sarah and Bethany are in Italy with the Canadian bloke who purports to be Gail's brother although how Audrey ever explained that one I don't know.  Roy is running Roy's Rolls and phones Hayley in Africa but I haven't worked out why she is there.

Roy Cropper

Our ever favourite Jack Duckworth is a widower, Vera has died. It was SO sad.  Now his stupid grandson Paul has set fire to Leanne Battersby's Italian restaurant on purpose for the insurance but then because Leanne would'nt be his girlfriend he has confessed to arson - stupid.  Although it seems like Leanne got away with it.  Jack is well pissed off with Paul who he says is his father's son (we all hated Terry).

Leanne Battersby

So that is a potted history of the story so far and you know it is of little consequence if you don't follow it or if you missed 10 years worth of programmes because you can soon pick it up and if you need a little background I can always fill you in and pre 2000 I consider myself a Platinum level expert in Corrie.

 

Patriotism

 

                                                                     It's just a little kiss

See the kiss on the balcony

Watching the Wedding Yesterday

Patriotism means, by definition, a devotion to ones country.  In accordance with said definition I am, therefore, not patriotic because I cannot say wholeheartedly that I am devoted to my country.  Being an expat in Hong Kong for 'n' amount of years could make others think I didn't care about England.  But they'd be wrong.  I am devoted and I am proud to be English. Yesterday I was glued to Theresa's telly all afternoon until the big moment of that kiss on that balcony and I truly truly enjoyed every minute of it.

The Royal Family

As the members of the British Royal Family made their way to Westminster Abbey and took their places, all behaving impeccably, it was obvious that they know how to put on a jolly good 'do'.  They have their pick of the best church, the best flowers, the best carriages and of course the world class top number one best route to the venue and then on to the reception. 

Queen Elizabeth I

But it's not just because they have one of the best driveways in the world to parade up and down (The Mall) its because of the crowds.  The public, who turned out to wave at them in the hope of getting a quick glimpse of the Royals really made that wedding day into an atmospheric event and made it historically important. 

Emotional Day

It is very emotional to watch any wedding.  The open exchange of vows and the support of both families is a marvelous and memorable event for any couple.  Its guaranteed to form a lump in ones throat.  Having the whole thing televised and broadcast around the world to over two billion people and having the route lined with thousands of enthusiastically waving people is mind blowing.  And it's that atmosphere of the gathering of a large crowd in celebration that gets my bottom lip quivering.  The emotion and overwhelming friendliness renews my patriotism and fuels my devotion to England.  All of those people, some had camped out for days, sitting and standing in the open and feeling secure establishes a trust in mankind.  People of all ages gathered together for the same purpose without fear. 

 

Crowds on The Mall

There goes my bottom lip goes again! 

Long may they reign over us

I have heard the press say that the moment the couple kissed on the balcony was the moment the British Royal Family re established themselves.  I think they are wrong.  The billions around the world who watched on screen and the thousands who made the journey to The Mall, Hyde Park and the streets lining the route from The Goring Hotel to Westminster Abbey and then on to Buckingham Palace didn't need that kiss.  Be sure they wanted to see it.  But the planning and excitement that was generated prior to the big day surely proves that Britain loves their Queen and that one day we will see King William and Princess Catherine. 

                                                                  Excellent idea!

Its a tradition that will continue  as it has for centuries and I for one am proud of it and I am patriotic. The less said about the Princesses stupid hats the better...

Oh dear!