The Self-Storage - waste of space
I really want to share this story from the BBC on my favourite topic. I used to be one of those people who paid money for years to keep stuff in storage and when I eventually got round to sorting it out 90% of it never made it back into the house and was immediately put in a skip.
Don't make this mistake - if in doubt chuck it out should be your mantra.
The photograph is including because it's lovely. Isle of Sky, dolphin.
Pants - you have to have standards
I ventured into the realms of fashion a couple of days ago and made it known to the world that there are very strict rules regarding the wearing of socks. If there are still folk out there who are unsure or unaware of the rules please refer to the previous blog called Socks- it's a mine field. It has been suggested that I add a section about hikers and the red sock and chunky hiking boot plus there has been dispute over dark socks and trainers - honestly its a cheek!
I am now turning my attention to the subject of pants. I mean pants, the sort you wear under your clothes (not trousers). Briefs, knickers, panties, underwear, skivvies, smalls (feel free to add more names).
I think this subject needs to be dealt with according to gender so I will tackle the men first.
There seems to be two main camps when the subject of male underwear is chosen and worn. One lot prefer the boxer and the other the tighter cotton brief. I am not a man. It is a matter of personal choice, I cannot stress this enough. But it has always been a bit of a mystery to me why men want to wear cotton boxers that have no support or stretch in them. Surely a little support in that area would be beneficial? I am just thinking how bras offer such support for females so it follows that the same would be true of the testicle area? A further advantage of the brief would be less bulk under trousers or shorts, surely? All explanations would be welcome here.
I also need to direct you to my previous blog on speedos and my confession at ths point.
Boxer Shorts
No Commandos Please
The strictest rule for males to adhere to is the wearing of underwear or at least if you have no underwear and are going to wear shorts then it is essential that the shorts have their own sewn in liner offering a snug hammock for the male parts and ensuring there is no embarrassment. For instance when sitting down with legs apart or casually placing ones foot on a chair giving others an unrestricted view up the leg of the shorts.
Female Pants
There are hundreds of different styles for women and it should logically follow that there should be enough styles for all the different shaped bottoms in the world. But you'd be wrong. Women's pants manufacturers are blind to the fact that pants have to cover cheeks so not make the dreaded VPL (visible pantie line) plus the invention of the thong has merely created a nasty infection spreading razor which is a useless piece of clothing.
Trinny and Susannah do talk some sense when it comes to foundation garments and have exposed a number of out of control wobbling bottoms in their attempt to up the standard of acceptable dress in the UK. Magic Knickers
Girls, don't continue with ill fitting knickers that dig into your flesh and cause bulges ga lour. There are some excellent body shaping items in Marks & Spencer these days.
And Spanx have a whole range of items to smooth any lump or bump. See the Spanx Before and After photographs for yourself.
There is even a male version of Spanx and I don't think men should shy away from this garment. It could be a revolution for bellies world wide. Spanx for Men offer compression under garments to help suck in bellies, its the Playtex 18 hour girdle for men. It had to come one day.
Gentle reader, I conducted my own photographic survey this morning of pants in the local vicinity and I was shocked and horrified at some of the sights I found hanging around the place for all to see. My mother was too shy to hang her pants on the washing line and kept them drying inside for modesty sake! But some of the examples of shabby, worn out rags that pass as underwear need to be seriously assessed and made into dusters at once. (that's what my mother also used to do). Check your knicker drawer now and if there are any that look like this, put them in the bin.
The washed out dark blue
Little and Large
Skiddies!
Duster pretending to be underwear.
Feet
SOOTHING MASSAGE
After a tremendous amount of walking around Shanghai one Saturday on a weekend mini break our feet were throbbing and in need of some attention. We didn't plan to visit Fairyland Health and Beauty on Nanjing Pedestrian Street, it seemed to find us. I think it had a magnetic charm that lulled us up the stairs into completely unknown territory. There was a short period of uncertainty until I was sure it was a respectable establishment because its just awful when it's not, don't you just hate it when that happens?
RELAXING MUSIC
In the blink of an eye we were made comfortable in a darkened room with relaxing music and our feet were soaked in fragrant water while the masseurs paid our shoulders much need attention. A special bonus of a shoulder rub just to make up the time while the feet are cleansed and softened up ready for the foot massage.
HARD SKIN REMOVAL
The massage was excellent and I would have no reservations in recommending Fairyland if you are ever in need of stress relief and are in Shanghai at the same time. But actually the best bit was the hard skin removal service. For an extra 48 RMB a specially skilled man was summoned into the room yielding a blade. Or was it a scalpel or was it an incredibly sharp chisel? As I say it was a darkened room so it was hard to tell. But the hard skin removal master was well equipped to work on feet in a darkened room. He was wearing a head torch. I guess he had a been boy scout when he was younger so was always prepared. He set to work with the chisel and with the lightest touch he managed to shave off what looked like snow flakes from my feet. The towel was soon covered and I caught the masseurs looking sideways at each other at the surprising amount of dead skin building up as he dutifully shaved my feet.
The service was excellent, shoulder, feet and shaving of said feet. We floated out. Wow!
Hard skin removal man wearing head torch
The man in the head torch made Fairyland an extra special experience and I want him to come and live in our house.
BEST KNICKERS
Marks and Spencer's is a very reliable and homey shop. You just know where you are with M&S. Their products are renowned for lasting many washes, especially their under garments. You can't beat a pair of M&S knickers.
A NEW PRODUCT?
When I was browsing the under garment section I discovered a new product. Something I had never seen before. In a small plastic pouch was 'nipple covers'. I was intrigued by this item. It was not possible to open the package in the shop so truly believing all M&S goods to be of a high standard I made a purchase.
THE COLD AND NIPPLES
For those of you mystified as to why a girl should require nipple covers I will attempt to throw light on the matter. You see, when its a bit cold, and your top is a bit on the flimsy side, nipples tend to pop out for the world to see. Living in air conditioned Hong Kong this happens a lot. You step inside after being out in a hot and humid 30+ degrees and out they pop.
I thought that using this new fangled item would be the answer to this little problem.
TEST RUN
The next morning I decided to try them. I opened the packet to find they were made from a thin 'band aid' type material in the shape of large daisies. The center of the daisy was a slightly padded circle. It was early, it was dark in my bedroom, I wasn't properly awake to read the 'How to Apply' section on the back of the packet and besides I couldn't find my glasses.
It seemed straight forward. I peeled off the backing paper and stuck them over my nipples. Easy.
I got dressed, went to work. Never gave them a second thought. I wasn't aware of people pointing at me on the air conditioned bus saying "Waa look at her nipples sticking out" so I presumed they were working.
THE REMOVAL -PANIC
When I got home after a hards days toil the first thing I did was strip off and get in the shower. Upon the removal of my clothes I remembered the hastily applied nippled covers as I glanced at myself in the bathroom mirror. "Best take them off now" I thought to myself.
Easier said than done. The very thin sticky cover was almost impossible to get hold of. I have nails but I couldn't just get one under the edge of the nipple covers to remove them. I showered. Tried again. No better. I showered again and used lots more shower gel to soften the fabric (steady on now!). Still couldn't get hold of the edge to pull them off. They were well and truly attached to my breasts and did not want to come off.
I found my glasses and the discarded packet and read the instructions. This was not enlightening at all. It just said stick them over nipples, peel them off when you are finished. No clues, no hints.
STILL NOT REMOVED - GULP
About half an hour had gone by since I got home and I was still naked in the bathroom attempting to remove the offending articles. Eventually I managed to get my thumb nail under the edge of the left one and began to peel it off. Oh my God! The pain was excruciating. There was no way I could just rip it off quickly. I had to slowly, slowly, millimeter by millimeter pull it off and try not to pass out with pain.
OH THE PAIN
I have had two children, I have ran a marathon. I know pain. But this? It was really making me feel nauseous. I came out in a hot and cold sweat and began to shiver. Perhaps I was in shock? I am guessing that the process took about 10 minutes and it was such a relief to remove the torturous devil item from my delicate anatomy. But wait, horror of horrors - there was still the other one to remove.
I was almost crying at the thought. I had a lie down to physiologically build myself up to the removal of the second nipple cover.
It was the same horrible experience. Sweating, shaking and on the brink of tears.
DON'T DO IT!
Gentle readers - do not ever buy these items. They should have a health warning written on the packaging. I definitely do not recommend them. Don't be fooled by the steady and reliable Marks and Spencer's brand. Give them a wide berth.
Seriously folks, its true. It all happened about ten years ago. I was watching Oprah one afternoon and it featured a woman who went to people's houses and decluttered their lives by removing the things they were keeping for no good reason. This included clothes, household objects, worn out furniture, make-up and even medicines. It was a light bulb moment for me and as I was, yet again, just about to move house it meant that I took everything to heart (actually I made notes during the programme). Most important of all is the fact that we only wear 20% of our clothes 80% of the time - so why have you got your wardrobes and drawers full of stuff you never wear?
A quote which I keep in mind at all times by William Morris 1834-1896 is "Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful" and quite recently I read a short article by Paul Coelho who, after years of collecting books for his personal library decided that it was nothing but a selfish act to hoard so many in one place where they would never be read. He subsequently began donating them to his local library, charity shops and leaving them in coffee shops to be read by who ever found them there. Books are meant to be read, not left on shelves for years. All of the above philosophy makes perfect sense to me and I have been under the impression that this is how I live.
Last week I had to travel to my house in England which I packed up six years ago. The house is to be sold and the grand plan of keeping very useful and beautiful things in boxes in the spare room until we return has crashed. My job was to clear that room. I found that my philosophy was a complete shambles of inconsistencies and untruths.
The boxes were full of useless clutter. What was I thinking all those years ago?
So no longer could I continue keeping unuseful and ugly things in boxes wrapped in newspaper dated 1988. No longer could I have any need at all for 4 large boxes of very old and worn books. That record deck and video player were neither use nor ornament and why the heck were they packed away so carefully?
I spent four days solid sorting through and unpacking a pile of crap and wondering why on earth it had been there for six or more years. In fact some of it had been packed to move to that house in 1988 and never made it out of their box back then. After assessing the situation my first plan of attack was to order a skip which I filled very quickly. The rest of the previously believed precious items were given to various charity shops in Holmfirth or sold or given away. I whittled the prize possessions down to fill 3 tea chests which are on their way to Hong Kong and the majority of those items are photographs featuring me as a teenager, our wedding day,our baby photographs and pictures of our various travels abroad before we landed in Hong Kong, which I have longed to have with me for many years. That made me very happy although they haven't arrived yet.
I do have one large black cloud hanging over me though. Quite sensibly I gave away our record collection of LPs and 45rpms. We have not had access to a record deck for at least ten years and after trawling various Internet sites to see if they could be sold, the general consensus was that old vinyls are only worth anything if they are in unused condition. If you played them, took them to parties, lent them to your mates, stood your coffee cup on the cover or wrote your name on them they are rendered worthless. But it was hard parting with them.
Flicking through the stack and reading labels was heartbreaking because they brought back memories and because they were destined for the charity shop. David Bowie, Starman. The Beatles, Hey Jude. Herman's Hermits, Something is Happening and the all time classic Black Lace, Agadoo! Ok not everyone can be totally cool all the time.
So I kept 10 LPs, some old Faces and Rod Stewart stuff and some reggae albums that I think my son might play one day. The 45rpms I kept are:-
Land of a 1,000 Dances - Wilson Pickett on the Atlantic label.
20th Century Boy - T-Rex
Sittin' on the Dock of Bay - Otis Redding on the Stax label
I'm on my Way - Dean Parrish (which I am told is a valuable Northern Soul classic!)
What would you keep?
Continue reading "Oprah Winfrey changed my life - How I decluttered my life." »
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