http://www.dialogue-experience.com.hk/web/subpage.php?mid=6
Telephone: 2310 0833 (General) / 2891 0438 (Group Booking) / 2310 8610 (Birthday in the Dark / Special event)
http://www.dialogue-experience.com.hk/web/subpage.php?mid=6
http://ntlive.nationaltheatre.org.uk/productions/ntlout10-hamlet
Set at The Barbican
People of Hong Kong!
I implore you to check the schedules of our movie theatres and look out for the National Theatre, London, productions which are now being screened regularly.
https://www.britishcouncil.hk/en/programmes/arts/national-theatre-live
There's a bar
They really are very like an actual theatre experience and a most enjoyable evening out. There is usually a 20 minute interval, just like an actual performance, where everyone can make use of the bar, have a leg stretch and a toilet break.
Costumes
The most recent one I attended was last weekend at The One, 100 Nathan Road, when I saw the marvellous Benedict Cumberbatch as Hamlet. It was spectacular. He was spectacular. The staging was spectacular. I was particularly taken with the costumes which were, for the most part, 1940s style apart from Hamlet, Horacio and Ophelia who wore modern casual clothes, hoodies and jeans. After the 'play with-in the play' scene Cumberbatch wore a long military tail coat with the words 'KING' crudely painted across his back which was quite amusing and under the coat a Ziggy Stardust t-shirt. I doubt it had any significance to the recent and shocking death of David Bowie as it would have been recorded months ago in London, but it did make me think - why Ziggy?
Chung Ying Theatre Company
1 - 10 May 2015
The Hong Kong Jockey Club Amphitheatre, HKAPA
Wan Chai
Hong Kong
We are all aware of Robert Louis Stevenson's story, Dr Jekyll experiments with a substance and turns into a hideous monster at night. In Jonathan Holloway's version Dr. Jekyll is a woman.
The setting is still Victorian London with a magnificent stage set reflecting the fact that it is being performed in Hong Kong. Stunning red silk lanterns were hung above the gothic room. The cast, a mixture of Chinese and English actors, and if I say everyone had a hint of Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton on Halloween I'm sure you'll understand the general vibe.
Performed in English with Chinese and English subtitles, I always find that slightly distracting but I understand their reasons, with dialogue packed with euphemisms about sex. Are all euphemisms about sex? "Would you like to open the petals of my purple orchid?" "Will your stamen enter my flower while still lubricated by another?" I may not have those quotes completely accurate but that was the gist of the lines. There were rather a lot of references to sex in the whole production, while not explicit, we couldn't have that in conservative Hong Kong now could we (we were in Wan Chai!).
In this version we see Dr. Jekyll as a woman, yet a scientist, the ONLY woman doctor in London at that time struggling to break the stereotype placed upon her gender, rebelling against conformity of marriage and family life, choosing to experiment alone in her explorations of substances and what-do-you-know she is quite the temptress. We see shadowy scenes through the opaque bathroom door of two bodies together, items of clothes being removed and illicit pleasure being had.
And so when 'she' becomes Hyde she becomes a man. In this persona, which isn't revealed until much later in the play, she is a lout, a violent rapist and we have to presume a transexual because of the comments about his/her ability to rape. Olivia Winteringham who plays Jekyll and Hyde is a slight woman and when she appears as the man, Hyde, she has blood stained bandages around her chest area eluding to her having sliced off her breasts? Well this is what you get with gothic literature.
I do question the power of this play to shock though, we already know the story and to put a woman as Jekyll as a tool to twist the plot seemed not enough of a shock in our 21st Century transgender sexual equality world. Perhaps a man dressed as a woman playing a woman as a man and then turning into a man played by a woman as a man would have made us think more. Oh hang on, Shakespeare has already done that!
The Fringe Club is an excellent and intimate venue for a production of Shakespeare's most intriguing tragedy. Affording the audience a closeness to the emotion with selected key scenes to move the plot swiftly on, Sweet and Sour Productions, directed by Candice Moore from Edinburgh, opened with those Weird Sisters (Jacqueline Gourlay Grant, Hamish Campbell and Vicki Rummun). They cast their manipulative spell over our hero, Macbeth (Nicholas Atkinson), and then dominated the play with their constant presence and the notion that it is their magic, their bubbling concoctions and their will that infects Macbeth with his ambition to become King of Scotland and subsequent downfall. That's why it's called a tragedy, he dies! It's not a plot spoiler, I don't feel I have to avoid giving away the ending. We don't go to see Macbeth to find out what happens, we already know (don't we?) we go to see how it's done. In this production there is a focus on the three witches who lurk in every corner seen and unseen and play Macbeth like a puppet. It's wonderful.
I loved the costumes which had an Alexander MacQueen/Vivienne Westwood tartan vibe going on and, unless a Scottish person disagrees with me, I couldn't fault the Scottish accents.
Lady Macbeth (Muriel Hoffman) was hateful, as she must be, and I was particularly impressed with the fight scene between Macbeth and Macduff (Henry Coombs) which was expertly choreographed and executed (pun intended).
Sweet and Sour Productions Ltd are an adaptable and talented lot who are not to be missed. I shall certainly be looking out for their next production.
In my down-to-earth-women-from-the-north way, I go about my day to day, week to week, month to month 'stuff' that needs doing in a straightforward manner. I believe that people who make a drama about the mundane are just attention seekers in an attempt to make their lives appear a little bit more interesting than yours (or mine).
And in my straight forward, let's call a spade a spade northerness, I find wild and weird talk of spirituality, meditation, mindfulness a tricky topic. Although if I was assessed I would probably get a 'satisfactory progress' rather than a 'must try harder' on my report card these days.
The past merely exists in our imagination. We only have the now. The future has not happened yet and so there is no need to worry about it. And if you don't like the now then it will soon be in the past anyway.
As much as this notion can take the pressure off my tendency to worry about the future, I do find it a flippant way to live life because it infers that no planning for the future is necessary and of course we all need to plan ahead to some extent. We'd run out milk too often for that to be fun. A little forward planning is surely necessary? I mean, insurance men would be out of a job wouldn't they?
I have indulged in meditation recently. I have Ommmed and Hummmmed and thought about my third eye while concentrating on a candle flame. I am at peace during these times but now I'm beginning to think that such indulgence cannot be of any benefit unless the world joins in.
It seems that the rest of the world is not cooperating in such Ommmmness or Zenness and is actually on a mission to cause me complications to add drama to my life which I simply do not want!
My solution is that all employees of NOW TV all sit down and think about just what they are doing to help the mental health of Hong Kong. I know the answer is zilch. In fact I strongly suspect that they go out of their way to cause mental health issues with unsuspecting customers by promising outrageous things like a faster service and interesting channels. They could make a start by having staff who answer the phone who can actually answer questions and staff who come to my house who actually have solutions to problems instead of finding my situation of paying more money for an even worse service funny and openly laughing.
A further solution is to extend Zenness to the Government Motor Vehicle Inspection Centres and help them to understand that an appointment three weeks after my road tax runs out is not in the spirit of calmness or mindfulness and is just plain inefficiency on their part. I feel sure that a little bit of candle staring will help them to bring my appointment forward enabling me to drive my car again.
Then there is BUPA Claims Department. I feel certain that a little bit of humming in a darkened room with their eyes closed will really assist them is assessing my recent claim. After such a calming session they will then fully understand that my aged doctor didn't mean to write Groft (with a G) and that I am the person he saw that day and so process my claim. They will stop being pernickety, pedantic and downright bloody awkward. Unless of course there is a Lesley Groft who lives quite nearby and by pure coincidence has the same BUPA Membership number as me, lives at the same address and consulted the same doctor on the same day with the same symptoms?
An extra special session of mindfulness needs to be arranged for my Landlord who, after being asked to think about his inner critical voice, will be moved to withdraw his latest random 20% rent increase and to look at the level of inflation in Hong Kong (on average 4.58%). In his new serene brain he will then also arrange to have any repairs done with a huge grateful smile on his face given that I am such an excellent tenant.
In its seventh year (although my first).
A virgin to music festivals because of their association with wellies and mud I have avoided such events. The beauty of Hong Kong's Clockenflap is the ease of getting to the venue and, even better, being able to go home with no necessity to camp in a field.
Kowloon Station MTR and then walk, follow the signs that say CLOCKENFLAP
It is three days of music at ten different stages of various sizes. As well as all that lots of places to buy food and drink and believe it or not the toilets were of a civilized standard with fast queues and no drama.
Their website is easy to negotiate. You can buy your choice of ticket and print it off seamlessly, and if you are more organised and decisive than me you you could have bought a weekend ticket months ago at an early bird discount. Next year I will remember this. I must mention their tone, they write their information in such a friendly way I found it a refreshing change from other Hong Kong events. For instance one of their FAQ says ;
A. No, sorry, but plenty of caterers will be serving delicious food and drinks at the venue. However, we will make exceptions on food and drink intended for babies.
See! They sound like a jolly nice bunch of people to me.
The Actual Music
Sultan Ali and The Red Stripes
There were loads of bands playing at various stages throughout the day and so unless you have super powers you can't see them all. I set myself a realistic target of general milling and checking out the stalls and the art, buying beer and getting something to eat until the serious business of watching Sultan Ali and the Red Stripes at 4.30 on the Replay stage. The Red Stripes are a Hong Kong band and Sultan, having flown in specially for Clockenflap, is from Jamaica. He was a charismatic, experienced crowd pleaser and they had the crowd jumping from the first note. They are a very slick band with their special guest and well worth seeing without him too.
Then I skipped across to the Harbourflap stage for OZOMATLI from the States who were cool as. A multi-genre, multicultural and multi Grammy winning band who were fabulous.
Kool and the Gang
The excitement was building for Kool and the Gang, obviously. When they said "Let's take you back to the 70s" I did have a quick scan of the audience to see if there was anyone around me who was alive at that time and soon came to the conclusion that it was just me. It was no matter and I made a point of pushing my way to front to get the whole full on Kool experience and had a close up view of the brass section as well as the fantastic sparkly shirts they all wore. They still have the moves. They still have the showmanship. They still have the voices and we all obliged by singing all the words to the Ladies Night and Ceeeeelabration time COME ON!
1970's
2014
Travis
Travis were the headline band on the Harbourflap stage to finish off Saturday night.
Movember
It is plain to see the lead singer off of Travis has facial hair. But does he have to have THAT much of it. It's wild. I wondered if he was sporting a beard for Movember because every other male attending Clockenflap seemed to be. Even the provision of a proper barbers chair didn't seem to make any difference in the amount of unshaveness. I find it ironically unfair that the fashion for removing hair from nearly every place on the human body has been embraced while it is a tragic fashion fad to grow a beard where we all have to look at it. At least the pubic region is covered most of the time. Come on boys it's December soon, lets go for a nice clean shaven look for Christmas and well into the New Year. What da ya say?
Lumbersexual is a new word to me but it was apparant that many of the audience were actually walking talking lumbersexuals. I spotted quite of lot of lumberjack shirts and boots and of course the unkempt beard to complete the whole vibe. Although the urban dictionary defines the word as a man with 'groomed' beard who wants to maintain a rugged look. Something is just not right.
I spent a week at Island Yoga at the beginning of July and had a most wonderful time. I am slightly hesitant to even write about it just incase people start flocking to Koh Yao Noi and spoil the tranquility.
Their website is easy to use and I booked myself in for six nights. Once this was done communication came through email and instructions on how to pay the initial deposit with PayPal were simple and clear.
They are also very flexible {pun is intended} so there is no specific 'course' or set period of time that you have to fit into. You can arrange the dates to suit your own schedule and join the classes upon arrival because they are always different, challenging and interesting.
How to Get There
Koh Yoe Noi Island is situated to the east of Phuket Island. I took a taxi from the airport to Bang Rong Peir which took about half an hour and sat and waited peacefully, with a few Thai's and a monkey, for the small speed boat to take me on the 200 Baht trip to the Island. There were a few tuk tuks waiting at the pier and they knew exactly where Island Yoga was. Last boat each day is 5.30pm.
Koh Yoe Noi
This small island does have some lovely places to stay including Sixth Sense Koh Yoe and Koyao Island Resort , is unspoilt and very quiet. It has one circular road so it's impossible to get lost. The local population is mostly muslim. It was Ramadan when I was there and perhaps that made it even quieter, I'm not sure, but I liked it. If you are familiar with the heady markets and bar world of Thailand this is the complete opposite. It is an unspoilt place with no one pushing their wares at you. The locals were very friendly and would even stop and offer a lift just to be nice. There are a few basic shops, 7/11 and one or two ATMs. The roads are empty so hiring a scooter or even a bike is relatively safe.
Just as an example of how friendly it is, the chain on my bike popped off. Once my fingers were covered in black oil and I realized I had no idea how to put it back on, I pushed it to a sleepy massage place and asked them if they could get me a tuk tuk to take me back to Island Yoga. They quickly found a tool and fixed the chain for me and happily waved me on my way.
(Secretly, I wanted to ride in the tuk tuk)
Accommodation
Within Island Yoga there are a few options. Some basic bungalows, meaning just a fan. You can opt to share or you can stay in another location on the island and do pop-in classes to suit yourself. I went for my own bungalow with air con. I'm too used to air con to not have it! I loved my bungalow, it had a comfortable bed with mosquito net, plenty of cupboard space for hanging clothes, a very nice hammock on the little deck for relaxing after a hard morning in the sala.
Food
After the first yoga session of the morning, which finished at 9.30am, breakfast was waiting for us. A delicious spread of cereal, yoghurt, fruit as well as Thai vegetarian dishes. This is included in the package. If you want food at other times the wonderful Ning and her Thai family, who run the catering side, can russle up meals or snacks and this is added to your bill at check-out.
Yoga - Two Classes Each Day
There are two classes per day. The morning one is 90 minutes and starts at 7.30am. This was a really excellent energising start to the day and each day the class was different. One day we were out on the beach, one day we did laughing yoga, one morning we all were taught the secret of the netty pot and one session involved absoltuely no downward dogs at all. The second session at 4.30pm for an hour, was Yin Yoga which involved a much more 'cushioned' variety where poses were held for longer periods of time.
The instructors (I had Heather and Kierra) were highly knowledgable and committed to their practice. They were bursting with creativity and filled everyone with the confidence to be strong and really enjoy each pose. Afterall if you don't like something it'll soon be over and in the past anyway!
psssst - So just between you and me and the gate post, sssshhhhh this place is fantastic. I want to go back but don't tell anyone, ok!
A production by the National Theatre of Scotland and the Royal Shakespeare Company.
2nd - 4th May this prestigious production was performed in Kwai Tsing Theatre. The nearest MTR station, Kwai Fong, exit B to be precise.
The Venue
I really cannot stress enough just how smart this theatre is. I assumed that because I was going to Kwai Fong in the New Territories on a Saturday night it would be something of a sub standard forgotten building. How wrong I was. Kwai Tsing Theatre is beautiful, modern, clean with an excellent sound system. The toilets were great, plenty of them and all well stocked, and most importantly the temperature was just right. There was no freezing arctic moments to contend with. What more could one want from a night out at the theatre? Oh yes, now I remember. A bar.
Everyone expects a glass of wine at the intermission, don’t they?
Dunsinane is set in 1054 Scotland, written by David Greig in 2010. It is a dramatic sequel to MacBeth. Just exactly what does happen to Scotland after the death of brave MacBeth? Is MacDuff king? Do Malcom's sons return to claim their right to the thrown? These and more questions will be answered in Dunsinane.
Cheeky Sequel
Is it cheeky to write a sequel to a great Shakespeare work?
It certainly is, and that's why it is so wonderful. As we all know sequels can be bad. Part 2’s can be awful, with the exception of Toy Story 3 obviously. Perhaps because hundreds of years have passed since the original work, it can be described as cheeky to take liberties; such as keeping Lady MacBeth alive and kicking, not particularly as bonkers as she was the last time we heard her scream and then go silent as she jumped from a balcony. I suppose if Bobby Ewing can wake up and it all be a dream and Jean Rhys can rename Bertha, the mad woman in the attic in Jane Eyre, Antoinette, then Lady MacBeth, henceforth known as Gruach, can be alive.
It is an excellent play and I suspect even more well received in Scotland prior to the coming referendum. Keep those English out!
Festival of Shakespeare,
The Podium,
Cyberport,
Hong Kong
http://www.cyberport.hk/campaign/cyberlink/vol024/detail_page_4.html
20th April 2014 Easter Sunday.
http://www.ticketflap.com/en/events/174/
I don’t go and see Shakespeare for the plot. I go and see how it is done. The stage direction is truly up to the director and any form of creativity can be used. This is the interesting aspect. So going to an outdoor stage on a Sunday afternoon was intriguing. Staging this play in an outside open arena, which relied on the voice projection of the cast with no microphones, back drop, curtains or lighting was a major challenge for most of the actors. The Podium at Cyberport is an area suitable for 2,000 people and with some more creative seating ideas the few who were watching this play could have had a much better experience instead of the scattered and informal arrangement on Sunday.
I do really commend the organizers for this event and the very fact that it will continue until 4th May is wonderful. Bringing Shakespeare to the masses in an informal manner is an attempt to make it accessible to all. Encouraging the presence of young children is also good. It was unfortunate that on Easter Sunday not many people came along. The organizers attempts at having a family fun day in the open, sterile atmosphere of The Podium left us feeling lost in a shadeless space on a very hot day. There was definitely not enough to keep us there for more than one play. There seemed to be lots of staff but no one really knew what to do. Perhaps on the days when the tickets are $150 and not $300 would equal more people?
I counted 50 people towards the closing act of Taming of the Shrew on Sunday. This number drifted in and out throughout and was not consistent. During the performance children played or became restless and had to be distracted in other ways towards the building at the back. That resulted in more distracting noise, as well as the helicopter flying overhead and the ships in the port. The slightly sloping arena with a low step and grass area was uncomfortable and undefined. The usual reverence offered to a drama was missing and, therefore, the hushed silence as the ‘curtain’ is drawn and the lights come on was lost.
The actors valiantly played on. Kate and Petruchio were outstanding. I admired their energy tremendously and as it should be I did laugh at the comedic moments. This is what Shakespeare wanted his audience to do and it did not pass me by that the original production would have been to a rowdy sweaty crowd in the day time with no electrics to enhance the sound. And it could have rained, but it didn’t, so that was positive!
A Clockwork Orange directed by Alexandra Spencer-Jones
by Anthony Burgess
November 6-10 2013
Lyric Theatre, Wan Chai, Hong Kong
‘An outstanding all-male ensemble. The pure physicality and energy is astonishing. This is a show that everyone should experience.’★★★★★ WhatsOnStage
My ticket purchase was made months ago in order to secure a seat and experience this production. A mixture of anxious anticipation with the possibility of having my senses battered and overwhelmed confused me. My own experience of watching Stanley Kubrick's version had left me disturbed and horrified but in no doubt that it is an excellent movie.
Extreme Cinema - Mark Kermode speaks I highly recommend you take 4 minutes to listen to the good Doctor introducing A Clockwork Orange on Channel 4 who explains the background and why it was banned in 1971.
The simplistic black set with only a black table and chairs meant the actors used minimal props to symbolize and move the plot on. The ensemble of nine males played every role, including the female character. Dressed in black trousers and either a white vest or a black vest with contrasting black or white braces was occassionally supplemented with a sneeky pop of something orange.
Action to the World is a physical theatre company and their depiction throughout is balletic and beautiful. The implied violence through skilled choreography was enough to be explicit in the mind. The Shakespearean delivery of the dialogue using Alex and his Droogs own language evoked a terrifying and enthralling experience, luring us in to the seedy violent world of disenchanted adolescence and gang boredom.
It was utterly brilliant and without a doubt one of the best stage performances I have seen in Hong Kong.
I went on a pilgrimage to see this play. I am on Facebook and I 'liked' their page. I followed various instructions and clicked on various points in order to find out the time, the place, the date and the price of the ticket. I don't consider myself to be particularly technologically challenged but I found this information very difficult to see clearly from their page and so when I eventually made it to The Beating Heart theatre space (down a slope into a car park, up in an unmarked lift to the 8/F of Cheung Fat Building
7-9 Hill Road
Shek Tong Tsui
and paid my $150 I really felt quite proud to have succeeded in my mission to attend. Of course the two members of the cast standing at the top of the aforementioned slope were a big clue and I was grateful for their prescence. What I really needed was a much easier way to buy a ticket and a map to the venue. Forgive me all involved but I live in Sai Kung afterall.
Hash Tag HK Problems under score The Play, to give it its full and correct title, is a series of sketches depicting the moments of frustration we all feel at times, living and working as expats in this city of rules and regulations with his confounding language. There are a few bloggers who do this online, me for instance, and Hong Kong Expattery is always funny (I wish it was mine) Hong Kong Expattery and probably many others. Meaghan McGurgan and Eric Krueger have now gone one step further and made the concept into a stage play, it could even be called
Hash Tag HK Problems under score The Musical as there is much singing and dancing happening along the way. Oh and did I say it was funny? Well it is. I laughed a number of times throughout the performance and so did the audience and, therefore, it can be called Hash Tag HK Problems under score The Comedy Show too.
I found the cute (yes he was SO cute in those shorts) P3 student hilarious with his obsequious presentation skills which, no doubt, will carry him through the education system and into a leadership role in no time at all. I could also relate to the question to the 'class' 'Why do we have red packets at Chinese New Year?" and answer is always "To get money" and no one ever knows anything else about it and I find myself, as the only westerner in the classroom, explaining traditions and rituals of Chinese New Year in Hong Kong to Chinese students!
The rain scene with the very cleverly choreographed umbrellas and the fierce little old lady was particularly good and the 'dirty little secret' skit was good to include. Although I wasn't entertained by the domestic abuse scene supposedly going on in the bedroom. Perhaps a little too much of a generalising stereotypical view point which puts you in danger, on that pesky thin ice arena, of bordering on the offensive and steering a bit too far away from the comedy element which we were all there to enjoy. And while I am on the subject of being entertained perhaps toning down the swearing would be funnier than relying on expletives to get the laughs and concentrate on the good material that you've got to work with? Just saying.
A taster of what to expect on the night. How Not to be an asshole on the MTR
click to view and 'like'.
There is talk of Hash Tag HK Problems under score The Play being performed again this month and so look out on Facebook where you'll, hopefully, find clear instructions on when and where its on and how to buy a ticket.
If you didn't get your act together and booked your ticket for this wonderful event, which is part of the 2013 Arts Festival, way back in October, then you've probably missed your window of opportunity to see it in Hong Kong. So you're going to be feeling totally frustrated and generally pissed off once you read my blog telling you how bloody marvelous it is.
It is bloody marvelous!
One Man, Two Guvnors is a brilliant play encompassing the basic elements of a British farce with very satisfying door swinging, mistaken identity and trousers down moments linked with Commedia dell'Arte and based on Goldoni's The Servant of Two Masters. So if you don't know (I didn't) have a quick read on Wikipedia and learn.
Set in Brighton (which is interesting) 1963 our protagonist, Francis Henshall, a most cheeky chappy who is on stage for 99% of the time and holds the whole play together, while interacting with the audience as well as making us all believe and care about his character, even when he appears to go out of character - keep your wits about you - which was all part of the suspension of disbelief and I was suspended and believed hook line and sinker.
I loved the baddie, the cad the cavalier Stanley Stubbers, even though I wasn't supposed to, but his line 'Smells worse than a doctor's finger' was, for me, one of the funniest of the night.
I particularly loved the set which was large painted sections of movable walls with a nod to the era using 1960's colour and design (which means clashing, bordering on bad taste kitsch) while at the same time tricked the eye resulting in a feel of the whole stage being much taller and deeper than it really is.
I have to mention the band. So refreshing in Hong Kong to have musicians on view and also looking cool. As a special treat the boys in the band, think Buddy Holly/Beatles lookalike and soundalike, come up on stage at the beginning and during set changes to entertain. Dressed in matching suits and skinny black ties, thier slicked backed quiffs and large horn rimmed glasses add to the 60's mood and I loved the metal vintage microphones.
I had a wonderful evening of entertainment in Wan Chai's Lyric Theatre and it was very convenient to partake in a little beverage or two in one of the many fine establishments after the play was over. Hey hey!
You can get all sorts in Wan Chai
And Marks and Spencer's Food provides a very useful service.
Not enough toast
It is a regular and important part of my week. Without it my life would have less meaning. The thought of never having it again fills me with horror and dread. It would be an absolute hardship to do with out. I just don't think I could. A massive hole would appear in my life if they were to disappear tomorrow. Imagining the processing plant had broken down and there were no more, evokes panic deep inside me and I have an urge to do an impression of Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone.
Beans are not poured correctly and there should be four triangles of toast on the side.
The Comfort
Beans on Toast - is so very dear to me. It can be a comfort, a life saver, its almost a friend when all around me have better things to do.
But it has to be right. Those of you out there who may not be aware of the ritual of preparing this delicious, nutrious meal may be a little confused as to the stellar ranking this has among, dare I say it? Yes I dare. The British.
First of all it has to be Heinz Beans, the baked type. I am aware there are other brands and I am coming to terms with the fact that Heinz have tampered with their product over the years. I am aware of the different varieties such as 'Organic' or 'With sausages' and I've heard through the grapevine that it is possible to buy a variety which has an affiliation with Branston Pickle. Be that as it may, for me, it must only be the pure beans.
No toast under the beans is just wrong.
The Heating
The temperature must be hot. They must be brought to the boil so they bubble around the edge of the pan, even a little sizzling is acceptable, after which a stir is permissible so ensure a uniform temperature for every bean. Too cool and they don't perform their duty later once poured over the toast. Too hot and they begin to change their consistency and I don't like that.
Once the Heinz Baked Beans are in the pan. Oh and they must be heated in a pan, not warmed up in the microwave because that doesn't result in the same textural consistency that I consider to be right and proper, the toast can be put in the toaster.
I understand that people like the addition of cheese, but not me. Why are both slices of toast whole?
This is just plain lazy workmanship.
The Toast
I am very happy with a medium width of brown toast from a pre sliced loaf. There was a time when it had to be Mother's Pride White sliced but I have reached a heady level of sophistication regarding my bread and so brown it has to be. I do lament the loss of an eye level grill, a gas powered one to be precise because I feel it used to be possible to coordinate the readiness of the toast with the readiness of the beans in a much more accurate way, plus the toast tastes so much better when cooked on a gas grill. But alas I have no such device so I must make do with an electric toaster.
The only beans are Heinz - but again standards are just not high enough with the presentation of the toast.
The hot toast needs to snatched immediately upon the pop-up. Its taken as read that it is brown at this point, if not, one more session in the toaster is essential to get the crisp toast required for application of said beans.
Butter the two slices of toast briskly. Time is of the essence now. I stress it has to be butter and to be perfect, Lurpak.
I hope Santa brings me one of these...
The Presentation
Take a dinner plate and place one hot slice of buttered toast in the centre. With the second slice of hot buttered toast cut it into four triangular shapes and place the four triangles around the whole slice thus creating an attractive, eye catching design to please all class of consumer. Once the arrangement is in place the hot beans can be poured, with love, over the top. The pour must be in the middle of the whole piece of toast and the must spill, temptingly over the little triangles. But they must not cover the triangles leaving them crispy while the middle, whole bit of toast, gets a bit soggy just before serving. It is acceptable form to pour a little of the bean juice down the sink before pouring over the toast to prevent over sogginess. There is an optimum level of sogginess and that is not too soggy. This is just a little chefs tip I'm throwing for free here.
The Eating Part
Once the plate is assembled then eating must begin forthwith so that the eating temperature is perfect. A knife and fork should be used to create sumptuous little mouth fulls of part toast, part bean and it is perfectly acceptable to squash the beans onto the toast whilst on the fork with a little bit of pressure. This results in a lovely, squishy texture for eating.
I used to dream of having an eye level grill
Extra Toast
Sometimes, I feel, that one tin of beans is too many for two slices of toast. But two slices of toast is what my toaster produces as standard. Once the eating process has begun it may become clear that I will need one more slice in order to eat the beans because, obviously, I cannot eat the beans if the toast runs out before the beans are finished. If I judge, half way through, that I'm going to need a third slice then it is permissible to slip in that cheeky extra slice.
The timing is a little tricky at this point. It is important to keep on eating the serving of beans on toast currently on the plate while popping back to the toaster mid-way to catch the hot toast, butter it, and whack it on the plate so that the, still hot, beans can be eaten and enjoyed the way they should be.
The Drink
There are two acceptable drinks to go with beans on toast and that depends on your age. If you are under 18 it is Robinson's Orange Squash. If you are over 18 it is a cup of tea.
Some consumers lower themselves to buying beans that are, horror or horrors, supermarket own brand. But its not right. Get a grip of yourself and only buy Heinz. I also understand that some people like to grate cheese over their beans, or perhaps add a dash of Worcestershire Sauce, or even a grilled rasher of bacon on the side. All of these are a mystery to me and frankly just wrong.
How do you like yours?
Some background about his background.
I had an audience with Simon Armitage this week as part of the annual literary festival. I was extremely keen to listen to him and find out about how he works, how he puts pen to paper and how he feels when confronted with a blank sheet of paper. He was down to earth and interesting and gave us all an insight into what its like being a writer who actually writes for a living.
From a personal perspective I wanted to listen to him because he comes from Huddersfield, Marsden to be precise. He had a bit of a google time on stage finding images to enhance his words and I felt a pang of homesickness when he had an image of stone built old mills with the Pennines in the distance. His accent enthralled me.
For me, the best bit, was being able to relate to his experiences. He's about my age and has had similar experiences. I particularly enjoyed his The Clown Punk which is a poem about a tattooed faced punk in Huddersfield who I have also spotted and was also disturbed by his permanent choices of skin decoration.
I had with me 45 students who I took along to broaden their literary experience and expose them to world class authors.
I elbowed my way through their slow shuffle out of the auditorium to be the first to shake his hand and express my gratitude at his presence in Hong Kong.
Then I think I became star struck and the babbling started. Some how I failed to ask him about his writing, the conversation launched into 'I used to live in Holmfirth' and the exact details of where his house is in Honley, just up by the station and "Oh I used to live their, Hall Ing Lane" "Yes I know it very well" and then I told him my house was for sale and did he want to buy it or have any friends in the market...and then a student quite rudely, I thought, came along and asked him a question about poetry and my turn was up and I was gone.
Now I still have questions in my mind, the ones I failed to ask him and probably always will.
I saw Luka Lesson too, he was a great performer, a slam poet.
The new Chief Executive of Hong Kong, C.Y. Leung, is under scrutiny by the Hong Kong media. They are like a dog with a bone constantly referring to his questionable integrity and honesty.
So let's just have a look at how bad other world leaders have been and then let's compare C.Y. Leung's alledged 'illegal activity'
Ferdinand Marcos - President of the Philippines from 1972 to 1986 embezzled $10 billion dollars for his own personal use and a few pairs of shoes for his lovely wife.
Slobodan Milosevic - President of Yugoslavia/Serbia from 1989 to 2000 embezzled $1 billion and found guilty of crimes against humanity involving torture, murder and medieval savagery against his people.
Jean-Claude Duvalier (Baby Doc) - President of Haiti from 1971 to 1986 embezzled $800 billion, violated human rights related to disappearances and abuse of his people.
Richard Nixon - President of USA from 1969 to 1974 forced to resign from office after Watergate scandal revealed his involvement in a cover-up which he had initially vehemently denied.
Bill Clinton - President of USA from 1993 to 2001 world wide humiliation for himself, his lover and his family as a consequence of sexual improprieties in the White House Office involving a cigar and Monica Lewinsky. The world's conservative media had a field day in lambasting him once he stopped denying it and said "Yeh I did it!" Doh!
Now here is the shocking heinous crime of Hong Kong Chief Executive C.Y. Leung ...
Having an office fitted with some extra partitions and, brace yourself, having an extension built on his luxury home. Illegal Structures - Lesley's blog
I know that your world is rocked by this horrible and vicious act committed by Mr Leung and I genuinely hope you are not traumatised by my revealing the extent of his corruption.
Just stop focusing on this pathetic accusation, no one cares.
Do you remember the thrill of receiving actual post. Paper letters that dropped through the letter box, landing on the hall floor tiles, looking enticing. What could it be? A love letter from a distant boyfriend? A cheque from a recently deceased uncle's estate? A long newsie letter from a friend you haven't seen in ages?
These days correspondence, meaning paper letters, are few and far between. Email is the favoured mode of communication, even utilitiy bills and bank statements are online with a cocophany of security devices of such a high level that even Tom Cruise couldn't work out your user ID or password never mind operate the card scanning machine combined with a secure password generator to check if that air miles coupon has been received yet.
But today I got a letter.
The outside of the envelope revealed that it was On Government Service and from the Transport Department and as you know, gentle reader, I now have a deep and inimate relationship with them due to the high volume of correspondence that has been exchanged between us over the last two weeks.
Feeling nervous, a slightly raised heart rate and bit of a sweat, I tore open the white official envelope in the giddy anticipation of receiving confirmation that they now have my new address and all is well with the world.
Gutted!
They have returned to me, at my new address (this is the operative phrase here) {to the tune of the 12 Days of Christmas} my used envelope with stamp, my original letter informing them of the change of address, their letter to me asking for proof of address, a photocopy of 2 utility bills showing the new address, their letter to me saying they cannot accept the new address because I did not send a photocopy of my ID card, a photocopy of my ID Card and photocopy driving licence just to be on the safe side, and now their new letter to me, at my NEW ADDRESS with the option of 'Other' ticked and then hand written on the line.
'The new address is different with the address proof'
meaning that although they have now returned my documents and their documents to me three times to MY NEW ADDRESS and I have replied plus they have phoned me and spoken to me about this matter, they are unable to process the 'application' at the moment.
This is because the way the telephone company has written my new address on their letter to me is slightly different to the way I wrote my new address on my letter to the Transport Department and now they are confused.
I have now tried their online service where 'Change of Address' is an option. I clicked on a few 'Agree to Terms and Conditions' boxes and then waited. Nothing happened for a good 3 minutes and it warned me that the process could take 5 to 10 minues. After a while up popped an error message telling my system did not support their requirements to complete this Change of Address online process.
I am casting my eyes upwards to a higher being for help now.
If I was Basil Faulty I would lash the whole of the Transport Department with a tree branch.
If I was Mr Angry from Purley I would throw the phone down.
Dear Transport Department,
The continuing saga of my change of address
When I wrote you a letter informing you of my change of address you kindly replied immediately to my new address returning to me my used envelope and stamp, my original letter plus a pre printed letter from you asking me to provide proof of my new address by sending you copies of a recent utility bill so that you could confirm I had, in fact, changed my address.
I obliged immediately and copied a recent phone bill which I put in a new envelope and addressed to you, put my first letter in the new envelope together with your letter asking for a photocopy of said bill, the photocopy bill and then posted it to you.
Upon receipt of the letter, your letter and the requested photocopy bill showing my new address, you very kindly phoned me to tell me that I had failed to include a photocopy of my HK ID Card so could I either fax a photocopy of the HK ID card to you (because you can't receive emails) or go to the Transport Department and produce the HK ID Card so that you could verify that I am the person I say I am and that I have in fact changed my address.
After a little bit of negotiation we decided between us that I would post a photocopy of my HK ID Card to you so you informed me that you would post the original letter I sent to you informing you of my change of address, the letter you sent to me at my new address asking for the copy utility bill plus another letter asking me to send a photocopy of my HK ID Card to you so that you could verfy my new address.
I received in the post this very morning a fairly bulky letter from you, at my new address, returning my original letter, you letter to me asking for a utility bill, my photocopy of a utility bill, your letter to me asking for a copy HK ID plus my used envelope with attached used stamp duly stapled to the whole pile of papers.
I have today sent you a (to the tune of '12 days of Christmas' now) copy of my HK ID Card, your letter asking me to send my HK ID Card, my copy of my utility bill addressed to me at my new address, your letter to me at my new address asking for a copy bill and my first letter to you informing you of my new address.
I am now wondering if the information I have sent you will surfice or will you need a photocopy of my arse before you are satisfied.
Regards
Lesley in Hong Kong
25 Cromwell Street, Gloucester - demolished
Seriel Killer's Homes are not desirable
If there is, say, a man arrested and subsequently charged with murdering at least 11 women over a number of years we are able to read about such a heinous crime in the newspapers. As was the case of Fred West and his wife Rosemary. Biography of West Their house, pictured above, was the scene of the murders and was demolished in an effort to rid the neighbourhood of the legacy of such an evil couple. The not so publicised reason for the demolition was to prevent the property prices being negatively effected in the area. I doubt that any estate agent's particulars would mention the fact that Cromwell Street was once the home of a serial killer? That isn't what any one wants from a des res.
Buying and Selling uk/hk
Having dipped my toe into the Hong Kong property market quite recently I am becoming familiar with the system of buying and selling compared with the system in the UK. It is quite different, a little bit more scary - no actually much more scary.
Exchange of Contracts
In the UK a house can be on the market with an agent and if someone wants to put an offer in then the vendor can accept that offer. Both parties then approach their solicitor to begin the legal conveyancing process. No one is actually legally obliged to complete the purchase ie. pay for it, until exchange of contracts takes place. The exchange may not take place for months and so at any time either party can withdraw from the agreed sale or purchase. This can be disappointing and frustrating but nothing can be done when this happens.
In Hong Kong once an offer has been accepted the purchaser must immediately stump up a deposit of 5% of the agreed price and two weeks later another 5% must be paid when an official Assignment is signed with an agreed date for the completion to take place and also when the rest of the money is handed over.
If either party decides not to continue with the sale or the purchase the deposit is forfeited by the purchasers and they are legally bound to pay the double deposit to the vendor. If the vendor decides not to sell they must return the deposit plus the same amount again to the potential purchaser as compensation for withdrawing from the agreement. See - scary isn't it?
Valuation
Another aspect which is different, is the valuation of property. In the UK an Estate Agent will come and have a look at your property, tape measure in hand, and will poke about in your roof space, garage and bathrooms tutting and humming as he values your pride and joy, your home sweet home, your castle. Once a valuation price has been established it will go on the market for that price. If someone then wants a mortgage to purchase the property a qualified representative of the bank or building society will call around with a bigger tape measure and do more tutting and perhaps humphing at damp proof courses and roof insulation thicknesses. Only after that quite thorough inspection will you be offered money to make the purchase.
Virtual Valuation
In Hong Kong the valuation of a property is done either online or over the phone. No one from the Estate Agency or the Bank will actually view the property or even care what state it is in but will come up with a price. The valuations are done based on the square footage and sales of similar properties in the area. Not really that skillful or accurate in my opinion. So if you spend pots of cash on that lovely new bathroom with Italian fittings it means bugger all and will have little impact on the bank valuation.
Death List
There is also one other issue I have just become aware of which does effect the valuation of property in Hong Kong and that is the 'haunted house', haunted meaning if any one has ever died in the property.
Unlucky Number
As we all know the Chinese are very superstitious and any mention of the word death or dead or even just a word that sounds a bit like it ( the number 4 or 14 for instance) must never be uttered. So there will be no house number 4 or 14 in a street, there will be no tower number 4 or 14 in a block of high rise buildings and no 4 or 14 apartment on floor 4 or 14.
As well as that there is a published list of so called 'haunted houses' so that potential buyers can see if anyone ever died in the place they are considering buying. If someone did die then it will mean the valuation is lower than the surrounding properties.
Here is the link to the 'Haunted House' list Check this before making an offer
It is depressing reading and there are far too many 'jumpers' who committed suicide. It is a fact that the preferred method of suicide in Hong Kong is either burning charcoal in an enclosed room so the fumes kill, or jumping from a high building and there are a lot of tall buildings in these parts.
Unlike the West's house, which has now disappeared from the street, it is not possible to demolish an apartment in a huge tower block so what happens to these 'haunted houses'? Do people buy them at a lower prices and live happily ever after or do they avoid them and they remain empty for years...
Scorpion on a stick!
Chili Sparrows
More scorpions, star fish and sea horses - on a stick. Are you getting the culinary theme now?
I had a trip to Beijing. The food was terrific and so, as is the way in Asia I took photographs of the food and have posted them for your delight. Some are on Facebook, obviously, because that is the sole reason for its existence. ie Go out to eat, take photos of your plate of food (even if it looks like dog vomit) and then post the image on Facebook to show everyone just what a good time you had.
The street market at Wangfujing Street had some delicious snacks (I could have put snakes there for a hilarious typo but it would have been true not a joke) which reminded me of the scene from Monty Python's Life of Brian "Rat on a stick" - I know you understand my inter-textual reference because you are clever. The People's Front
I have to tell that I couldn't actually eat anything that looked like a bug or a small bird especially when some of them were still wriggling their poor little legs. They were not dead just speared on a stick and waiting to be grilled.
I did try the toffee coated strawberries though and can highly recommend them.
Recent Comments