BEST KNICKERS
Marks and Spencer's is a very reliable and homey shop. You just know where you are with M&S. Their products are renowned for lasting many washes, especially their under garments. You can't beat a pair of M&S knickers.
A NEW PRODUCT?
When I was browsing the under garment section I discovered a new product. Something I had never seen before. In a small plastic pouch was 'nipple covers'. I was intrigued by this item. It was not possible to open the package in the shop so truly believing all M&S goods to be of a high standard I made a purchase.
THE COLD AND NIPPLES
For those of you mystified as to why a girl should require nipple covers I will attempt to throw light on the matter. You see, when its a bit cold, and your top is a bit on the flimsy side, nipples tend to pop out for the world to see. Living in air conditioned Hong Kong this happens a lot. You step inside after being out in a hot and humid 30+ degrees and out they pop.
I thought that using this new fangled item would be the answer to this little problem.
TEST RUN
The next morning I decided to try them. I opened the packet to find they were made from a thin 'band aid' type material in the shape of large daisies. The center of the daisy was a slightly padded circle. It was early, it was dark in my bedroom, I wasn't properly awake to read the 'How to Apply' section on the back of the packet and besides I couldn't find my glasses.
It seemed straight forward. I peeled off the backing paper and stuck them over my nipples. Easy.
I got dressed, went to work. Never gave them a second thought. I wasn't aware of people pointing at me on the air conditioned bus saying "Waa look at her nipples sticking out" so I presumed they were working.
THE REMOVAL -PANIC
When I got home after a hards days toil the first thing I did was strip off and get in the shower. Upon the removal of my clothes I remembered the hastily applied nippled covers as I glanced at myself in the bathroom mirror. "Best take them off now" I thought to myself.
Easier said than done. The very thin sticky cover was almost impossible to get hold of. I have nails but I couldn't just get one under the edge of the nipple covers to remove them. I showered. Tried again. No better. I showered again and used lots more shower gel to soften the fabric (steady on now!). Still couldn't get hold of the edge to pull them off. They were well and truly attached to my breasts and did not want to come off.
I found my glasses and the discarded packet and read the instructions. This was not enlightening at all. It just said stick them over nipples, peel them off when you are finished. No clues, no hints.
STILL NOT REMOVED - GULP
About half an hour had gone by since I got home and I was still naked in the bathroom attempting to remove the offending articles. Eventually I managed to get my thumb nail under the edge of the left one and began to peel it off. Oh my God! The pain was excruciating. There was no way I could just rip it off quickly. I had to slowly, slowly, millimeter by millimeter pull it off and try not to pass out with pain.
OH THE PAIN
I have had two children, I have ran a marathon. I know pain. But this? It was really making me feel nauseous. I came out in a hot and cold sweat and began to shiver. Perhaps I was in shock? I am guessing that the process took about 10 minutes and it was such a relief to remove the torturous devil item from my delicate anatomy. But wait, horror of horrors - there was still the other one to remove.
I was almost crying at the thought. I had a lie down to physiologically build myself up to the removal of the second nipple cover.
It was the same horrible experience. Sweating, shaking and on the brink of tears.
DON'T DO IT!
Gentle readers - do not ever buy these items. They should have a health warning written on the packaging. I definitely do not recommend them. Don't be fooled by the steady and reliable Marks and Spencer's brand. Give them a wide berth.
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