Lesley in Hong Kong

The Ghost of Neil Diamond by David Milnes

The Ghost of Neil Diamond by David Milnes is a cracking read.  Milnes, who lived and worked in Hong Kong for many years as Head of English at King George V, is now retired and living in Spain, where I imagine him sitting in his casa sipping red wine while constructing another plot line.  I was forwarded a link to Amazon that took me to an extract from chapter one.  This short snippet was enough to make me buy the book and I highly recommend it. 

 

You don't need to know Hong Kong and you don't need to be a Neil Diamond fan to identify with the protagonist and smell Chun Kin Mansions.

It all begins in a karaoke bar where Neil Atherton impresses the crowd with his  'Reason to Believe'.  He is spotted by a not-so-honest agent who gives him his card, obviously, this is Hong Kong.   As he a male who finds themselves in Hong Kong with not contract and a richer and more successful wife,  his time is spent thinking about unfulfilled dreams and ambitions.  Our main character decides to try his hand at impersonating Neil Diamond thus, he imagines, he will find fame and fortune, perhaps happiness.  His wife is appalled by this mid-life crisis and gives him money to leave Hong Kong and her.

He takes her money but doesn't leave.  As he stops caring what she thinks of him and soon finds out she has quickly found a replacement, he takes risk and after risk to get into the club scene as the best Neil Diamond impersonator this side of...well... Neil Diamond I suppose.  He becomes very familiar with ChunKing Mansions and McDonald's as well as the slippery Chinese agent. 

It made me laugh.

I found myself mulling over the characters in this book even when I wasn't reading it.  I don't know if Mr Milnes intended it to be a film but as I read it I could visualize it and, appointing myself as casting director, and spiritually auditioned mid-forty year old males to play Neil.

Give it a go why don't you?

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0955650011/ref=sib_rdr_dp

Michael Jackson RIP 1958-2009

 

I was utterly shocked at the news of Michael Jackson's death.  It is so incredibly sad that a man with so much talent is no longer among us.  Now we have speculation about when and where the funeral will be, who will his estate be left to, does he actually have anything to leave or is he in debt.  There are so many questions about his personal doctor and then there's the children and ex-wife...will we ever get to know the true story...

My cynical side has real doubts about whether anyone really cared about Michael Jackson.  Did anyone care enough about him while he was alive to guide him on a less self destructive route?  Was there a single person in his employ or in his family who was close enough to him to take him to one side and say 'Enough already Michael'?  Was the vast fortune just too much for one person to handle and remain sane?  I don't think so.  The music industry took it's pound of flesh and much much more from Michael Jackson and then sat back to watch him implode.  Yes, he made millions and was rewarded for his work but is a life worth that?

I am really concerned that the entertainment industry in general just do not do enough for their artists.  There are too many incidences of death through drug overdoses where actors or singers have been seen to be successful, become famous and then felt the pressure of living a life in the public eye.  They crack.  They turn to drugs to help them cope. It seems accepted in those circles.  It seems normal.  If they are lucky they survive their addiction but are no doubt damaged by the experience.  If we are not reading about an inevitable divorce we are told of a new patient in The Priory.

I think it should be compulsory for all record labels to provide a psychologist for 24 hour consultation to all up-and-coming recording artists to help them cope with a) earning vast amounts of cash b) knowing what to do with it and c) convincing them that mind altering substances are NO  GOOD!

I could add a further suggestion which would involve not actually giving the artist so much cash in the first place and, therefore, reducing the cost of Cd's, concert tickets and eliminating all tacky merchandising from the planet.  I ask the question - Is pop music really worth millions and should individuals such as Paul McCartney, Mick Jagger, Robbie Williams or Amy Winehouse be let loose with wads of cash to squander on drugs and fast living when that money could be given to me - whoops - I mean, given to reducing third world debt and promoting world peace.

I can feel a Monty Python sketch coming on.  Money doesn't buy you happiness.

American Idol

For the last, I guess, five years, I have been an American Idol watcher.  To start with I thought it would do no harm.  Just a little fun that wouldn't hurt anyone.  I thought I could stop any time I wanted to.  I thought I was in control.  I thought I was strong.

I was wrong.

Gradually I began to notice that American Idol was controlling my life.  It started to affect my work, my social life, my sleep patterns.  After 3 seasons it began to dawn on me that I was addicted.  I do not use that word lightly.  Not just smitten or hooked.  Addicted.  I have become an American Idoloholic.  No matter what I do I just can't stop watching it.

Each year the auditions start around January and each year I  promise myself I would not watch the particularly humiliating round of delusional Americans being given the uncensored, harsh reality that they cannot sing.  But I am never strong enough.  The lure of humanity being made a fool of is too tempting.  Listening to Simon Cowell tell the painful truth is so satisfying.  Then it gets to the final 100, then final 36, then final 12 and after that I feel involved.  I know each contestant intimately and have established a favourite.  It is a seasonal cycle of compulsory viewing.  The addiction is strong and it just won't release me. 

You see I do feel guilty about this habit.  This high that I get each Wednesday evening and the thrill each Thursday when it's the voting off.  Oh the heartache.  Oh the relief.  A myriad of emotions from the comfort of my sofa.  Why does such enjoyment give me so much guilt.

Dear reader, it is because it is seen as a lowly tv programme.  It's not gritty or edgy, it's not current affairs or hard cutting interview.  It's just a plain old signing competition that warrants no intellectual benefit.  But now that this season is over,  and the boy Kris won and not Adam which I am gutted about but that's another blog, I am at a loss as to how to fill my Wednesday and Thursday evenings.

Then it occurred to me.  Why on earth should I feel guilty about this addiction.  This sensation must be exactly the same as following a football team.  Season after season your team turns out for it's weekly matches, and some mid-week games to keep you salivating.  Then it builds up to a crescendo at the end of the season in a mixture of emotions depending on whether your team is relegated (Newcastle!) or is the Champion (ManU).  I am no different from thousands of male football supporters who are hooked on the match each Saturday and once the season ends they don't know what to do with themselves but wait until the new season starts again.  All those male footy supporters sit around for hours discussing the fortunes of Arsenal or West Ham.  They don't feel guilty.   They are proud.

So roll on January when Ryan will be hosting the next...American Idol.  I think I'll get a foam finger and a scarf for next year!

Gorilla Suit in Hong Kong

Is it real?

I am a proud mother, I don't deny it.  So have a look at my daughter's latest homework assignment.  She was asked to make a music video for her Media Studies course.  Click on the link and it will take you to You Tube where you can watch the video and listen to the music.  She borrowed two gorilla costumes from a children's party company then was filmed 'at large' in Hong Kong.  My daughter is the one wearing the scarf - otherwise she is unrecognizable!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGF8VULVSP4

 

Social Experiment

But I just have to comment on the social significance of this moment in time.  Where else in the world could you parade around on the streets of a busy 'world' city in a gorilla suit and not be acknowledged unless, of course, you jumped in front of people and scared the life out of them.  I think this says a lot about the compliance and inverted politeness, which may be misconstrued as aloofness, of Hong Kong people.  They just want and expect things to be safe and to run on schedule, to be expected and routine.  When, unusually, two people in gorilla costumes board the MTR their reaction is either "Ignore" "look down" "pretend it is not happening " or to whip out their mobile phone and take a picture of it preferably with the standard two fingered peace sign.  This features in EVERY photograph ever taken by people from Hong Kong - if they don't do that particular pose then the photograph just gets deleted and lost forever.  

Hello!  Who the **** is Kitty?

often imagine Hong Kongers looking through their photograph albums looking at pictures of themselves in the same pose at various times of the year, all photos taken in shopping malls with some sort of Hello Kitty or Mini Mouse theme going on in the background.  How dull!

Cheese or Cheers?

Actually there are a few more standard 'take a photograph with me" poses.  As well as the two fingered peace sign there is the tongue out and sticking up to one side pose, this is borderline porn star but because of the naivety in this city it passes off as cute (some would say - but not me) and then there is the finger poked in the cheek pose while at the same time making a screwing motion with said finger, oh and obviously, the grin has to be unnaturally large and cheesy (or is that cheersy - saying 'Cheese' while having your photograph taken has been lost in translation and becomes 'Cheers'.

Dog Clothes

Oh and how could I forget photographs taken while posing but with the added interest of a dog dressed in clothes.  Come to Sai Kung on a Sunday afternoon and see this for yourself.

Tourist Reaction

Significantly the Western tourists on Nathan Road were the only ones to embrace the fun in the situation and have some sort of concept about how to react.  These people may possibly have travelledto other 'world' cities such as Paris or Barcelona or London and seen street theatre or just plain old busking.  They know it's for fun, they are on holiday and up for a good time.  Their reaction is different from the residents.

When I decide to do my Masters in Sociology I shall use this empirical evidence as the corner stone of my research.

Gig Experience - Elton John in Hong Kong

Elton now

Elton John performed in Hong Kong on 20th May and I witnessed it.  A jolly good showman he is too.

Elton then

At almost 1am (Yes I know, shocking isn't it?) I got into bed - this was a TUESDAY night with work the next day.  Horror of horrors I broke my routine and didn't have my Ovaltine before I was tucked up with a good book (reading glasses compulsory these days) by 10pm.  It must be a sign of old age that going out to see a 61 year old perform, him seated at his piano and me seated for 90% of the time, apart from Crocodile Rock, obviously, had a dramatic affect.  I was tired for 2 days after the event and it wasn't as if I was on the Chardonnay.

Bay City Rollers

My experience of gigs has really changed over the years and it all started with the Bay City Rollers in 1974.  When I got older and the Bay City Rollers became so uncool I melted their LPs on the fire and for years denied ever even liking them.  I truly wanted to have been ultra cool and been able to tell stories of the time I went to see David Bowie at Newcastle City Hall in 1974.  My attempt at getting a ticket involved saving up the ticket money and buying a postal order, for the value of five pounds I think, from the Post Office.  Dutifully sending it off to the City Hall only to have it returned it a week later stamped 'Sold Out'.  Newcastle was over an hour away on the bus and I couldn't afford the bus fare and the ticket.  Life is cruel sometimes.

The Globe Theatre Stockton on Tees

I have since got over the shame of The Rollers gig and can now recount proudly how I spent the whole time screaming from the circle balcony "Eric!" and dropping to my knees in a pre pubescent fake faint every time I imagined he glanced up at me.  No one else near by - ME!  And how when the gig was over me and my mates were involved in a kerfuffle outside the stage door at The Globe Theater, Stockton-on-Tees behind a line of policemen who did a sterling job at keeping us back by linking their arms and squashing us against the wall until we screamed even more.

I got home exhausted but thrilled by the experience and told my parents how fantastic it was and how much I screamed for Eric.  They laughed themselves silly about it for weeks and took the mickey out of me mercilessly!

1974 was a good year

I also saw Alvin Stardust and David Essex at the same venue circa November 1974 and have the ticket stubs somewhere to prove it.

Alvin  Stardust          David Essex

Gary Glitter

As luck would have it I was also a big Gary Glitter fan and have seen him five times.  Those gigs have involved being squashed up against the stage at St. George's Hall in Bradford trying not to spill my drink avoiding other people's mad dancing, fag ends and spilt beer while three lads sitting on each other's shoulders looked like they would topple over on to the crowd at any minute.   Health and safety wasn't an issue.  Nowadays I just keep quiet about those Christmas concerts as old Gazza is locked up safely somewhere in Cambodia.

Peter Noon                  Lonnie Donagan

My first LP was The Hits of Lonnie Donegan and my first single was Herman's Hermits Something is Happening.  I was so misguided.

Sex Pistols           Johnny Rotten

Rock Garden Middlesborough

My brother was much cooler than me.  In the late 70's he was a punk and went off to see unknown bands at The Rock Gardens in Middlesborough with his inky black hair and his PVC trousers.  He saw Debbie Harry, The Buzzcocks and the Sex Pistols to name a few, and came home smelling of beer and fags with remnants of spit on his t-shirt.  His record collection is now worth something while my Osmonds and Steeleye Span LPs have been wrapped in brown paper and disposed of years ago.

Gigs for Oldies

Gigs these days are so much more orderly.  No pushing to get to the front, hardly any screaming and certainly no smoking.  You can get home smelling almost fresh out of the shower after a well ordered night out.  Or - is it just that the last few people I have seen have all been over 60 in Hong Kong.  I must write a note to myself to go and see someone at least younger than me and in the charts now.

After a quick search I find that young slip of a thing - Madonna has been number one for a few weeks...

 

Prima donna/ Pre Madonna

It's a short one but I have to share this with the world.

As we chatted over dinner the other night the word 'prima donna' came up.  My teenage children looked puzzled and confused over this word and couldn't quite follow the thread of the conversation.  Of course they were completely lost because it turns out that both of them truly truly thought that prima donna or in their speak 'pre Madonna' was a reference to any music released before Madonna had a hit!

Georgie Fame

 

Grappas

On Friday night I went to see Georgie Fame.  This was a last minute decision.  I didn’t even see it advertised but found out about it by word of mouth.  What a fantastic night it was! At a guess I would say Georgie Fame is now in his middle 60’s.  I wouldn’t have recognized him in the street.  He was old and grey.  But the voice is just the same.  The venue was intimate, Grappas in Central, and he talked a lot in between numbers telling stories about The Flamingo Club and the greats he has played with over the years.  I just loved it.  During the break Fred shared a urinal with him.  Impressed aren’t you. I told you it was intimate!

 

Don't Panic

Then on Saturday night I had another musical experience.  Fred sang with his new band. 114°East in The Wanch in Wan Chai.  For those of you who know the history of Fred’s musical career you all know that he can sing, he does sing, he has sang many, many times.  But since we have been in Hong Kong he has not done much of this. They did one set which included Lady Madonna, Tainted Love and Come up and See Me ending with, you’ve guessed it, Mustang Sally (Ride Sally Ride) The place was a rockin, as they say.  The resident band, Don’t Panic, then did their bit as they do most weekends.  It was a great night, lots of fun with opportunities to shimmy.  The Wanch is a small bar; there is just not enough room for a fully fledged jive!

 

Two very different musical experiences, both great fun.  Although my ears are still ringing.  Is it my age?

 

The photos are John, Rock God and lead singer of Don’t Panic.  And Old Georgie Fame.  I have trailed my files and cannot find one picture of Fred singing.  Watch this space…