I just had to share these spoof adverts from this months Viz. I am thinking of applying!
Rutland Council Schools Service
WANTED
Large-Breasted Female English Teacher 24-30K
A busy boys-only secondary school in Oakham is seeking a new English teacher. The appointee will have a good knowledge of 20th Century English Literature, familiarity with the requirements of the National Curriculum and a flimsy blouse, straining at the buttons.
Main duties will involve providing masturbatory inspiration for boys in Years 9, 10 and 11, as well as subject matter for crudely-drawn desk-lid graffiti. An existing rumour about having posed for pornographic photographs on the internet would be an advantage but is not essential, as this will start following the first assembly the successful applicant attends.
For an application form contact Mr Geoff Plywood, Deputy Head, St. Oswalds High Street, Rutland
"Helping Pupils Maximise Achievement of their Individual Potential"
Rutland Council Schools Service
or
Redditch County Council require a
Bitter, Jaded Geography Teacher
Grade 2 38-41K pa
Redditch County Council are seeking a tired, disenchanted professional to go through the motions of teaching geography A level at a comprehensive school in the borough.
We're looking for someone with a complete lack of drive and ambition to sit in front of a class, drinking coffee for up to 40 minutes at a time. The successful candidate will have:-
- a farcial record of absenteeism
- given every piece of homework he has ever marked 7/10 without reading it
- absolutely no desire for promotion
- not changed his lesson plans for at least 15 years
In addition he will be cynically counting the days to the earliest opportunity he has to take early retirement on the grounds of ill health whilst retaining his full pension entitlement.
If this sounds like you, then reply enclosing the same CV you had in 1976 to Mrs Audrey Frodsham, ref. V654, Town Hall Reddith RE5
Reddich Schools, more than just schools...Redditch Schools!
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