Lesley in Hong Kong

The Future - what happened to it?

Space 1999

In the lead up to the year 2000, I was extremely disappointed that the shiny future I felt I'd been promised would not be ready.   There would be no flying cars or silver catsuits.  There would still be food, as opposed to nutrition-packed pills.   My formative years were filled with images on TV showing me the fabulous futuristic future.  The Jetsons and Space 1999 have a lot to answer for!

 

The year 2000 came and went - still no flying cars or silver catsuits.  I still had to peel carrots and wash-up. 

What will 2020 be like?

2020 will soon be here - I know, I'm shocked too -  That futuristic dream of how science and technology would be so advanced it would be mundane, even domestic, is in tatters.    I dreamt that by the time I reached 2020 (fingers crossed)we would all be living in a peacefully perfect world where all conflicts had been forgotten.  I truly thought that the concept of working from home would be embraced by most people while the amount of leisure time would have been increased.  All folk would have terrifically stimulating hobbies that meant they bonded with others in a warm and comradery way.  No one would need to make the tea because a robot would deal with that, oh and everyone would fly around in their flying car or, even better, use The Transporter from Star Trek. 

In my imagined future, everyone would be warm enough or cool enough and technology would be able to supply all energy for free as that is just a human right.  If we want to keep the world populated then heat and light is a given.  Surely no one needs to profit from that? 

We have spoilt it

But it seems that we have spoilt the future for ourselves in an attempt to make convenience king.  The convenience of buying fresh food has become a multimillion-dollar industry involving factory farming and air transportation for lettuce.  The fast-food industry has fueled our craving for instant gratification so we can now walk around eating and drinking, then dump the plastic containers on the street.  There is now more plastic in the ocean than fish and more landfills than forest.  

Inconvenience should be king

Right now there is a riot going on in my neighbourhood and the conflict seems to have no resolution.  That is tragic enough.  But the most important issue is the unsustainability of our lifestyle.  The future I used to think was possible, those flying cars and silver catsuits, is as far away as the concept of peace in our time because the reality of the future, the air we breathe and the water we drink is filled with pollution created by the craving for convenience we thought we wanted.  

Our future is not one where science and technology make everything convenient.  If we do have a planet to live on, we will have to get used living a much simpler life where inconvenience is king because it is the only sustainable way to keep the population going.  Instead of that flying car, I imagine if I can't get anywhere by walking then I won't be going.  I still fancy that silver cat-suit though... 

 

Hong Kong has a monumental waste problem. (BBC Future)

Beards, they're just wrong.

I have to say it.

 Even George doesn't look good with one.

I am compelled to say it.

 Clean shaven is best, here is proof.

I really dislike beards.  I don't like them at all, not even a little bit.  Not even stubble and not even, actually, especially, moustaches.  I spent November in a state of constant-mild-shudder as I saw so many men sporting that unshaven, unkempt look.  Facial hair eeeuuww.

 

 

I find beards repellant.  I find them ugly and unclean.  When I see a man with a beard I jump to conclusions about his general hygiene levels.  I have nightmarish thoughts rushing through my head about the state of his sheets and his bathroom and wonder just how wild is other body hair is.  I know you will jump back at me with how wrong I possibly am and that there are grooming products regarding the general upkeep and oiling and waxing of facial hair.  But that is not what I see.

Other parts of the body

There is now an expectation to trim body hair.  In fact, let's get right to the point here.  On some body parts it has become the norm to remove that hair completely. Arm pits, legs, chest back and pubic.  There I said it!  There are products and services all over the place claiming to remove superfluous hair and leave the skin smooth and rash free.  It is a booming business.

History 

Yes, ALL body parts.

 

Hair Removal

We are all expected to have smooth, hairless bodies otherwise we are not grooming properly and just not taking care of ourselves.  That is the message pushed out there in the media and, my word, it has been taken to heart with so many salons, products and devices to remove unwanted hair in places we deem unacceptable.  I could get into the porn star -v- real life argument here, but I think I'll save that for another blog.

Skin good, body hair bad.

Fashion?

But for some baffling reason the fashion to grow the hair on male chins has begun to take over the world.  It is linked with the tweed jacket and check-shirt wearing hipster look where a massive bushy beard is an accessory.  
But dear oh dear it is getting out of control.  It's not funny or even ironic any more. I see the trend has moved on from having two day stubble into a wild, bushy woodland growth on the face.  

Slightly more than 5 0 clock shadow Justin

Just plain lazy   JUST STOP IT!

There is nothing attractive about a beard.  Here is proof.  Good looking men with beards become unattractive.  This is a fact.

Unattractive Brad.

Unattractive David

Unattractive Ryan

 

I hereby officially request that all men who have grown beards in the name of fashion or plain laziness (I suspect that is the real reason) to get back in the bathroom in the mornings and shave.  Present yourself with a smooth chin and face the world with a fresh clean-shaven confidence.  Go on!  It'll make me happy and what could be more important than that? 

 

Ray Lewis The Release Effect TRE

Ray Lewis is visiting Hong Kong from 17th April 2015 for two weeks and can be contacted on   9748 7538.

 

A few years ago I met Ray Lewis on a plane.  We had a very interesting conversation about his job which he told me was 'helping people'.  He explained a little about how he did this and it was so compelling that I followed up his suggestion of reading his website once I was home.  

 

The Release Effect     Take a little time to explore his method if you are interested.

 

 

I pursued his ideas and went ahead and did some, he recommends five,  sessions with him where he asked me questions and then asked me to sit quietly and listen to him.  I cannot really explain what happened after that apart from to say that I was aware of what was happening and could hear his voice.  It was calming and easy.

 

Afterwards, not immediately afterwards, and I can't really be precise about the timing of how my negative feelings were alleviated, but I had a complete change of feeling.  I felt lighter and no longer afraid.  The same old crap was going on but I felt Teflon coated after the sessions and it just didn't bother me in the same way.  I had more strength to live my life.

 

The Release Effect    Ray Lewis

 

Ray in visiting Hong Kong again and will be doing an informative free talk on 20th April at Reflections for all who are interested.   All the details are below from Ruby of Reflections.  

 

 

Reflections - TRE 20th April 2015

 

Ray Lewis spent most of his adult life (more than 20 years) battling severe  manic/depression or bi-polar as it has come to be known, and during that  time he spent thousands of hours and many more thousands of dollars trying  to get "the monkeys off his back".   He was addicted to therapies and would try anything to get relief from the nightmare of his own mind that he was trapped in.  He'd tried different types of therapies, attended umpteen different types of weekend seminar and read hundreds of self help books that inspired him, and according to Ray, they all worked, and provided some relief, but unfortunately, eventually the negative feelings would always come back again.
 

Fifteen years ago through a chance conversation, Ray stumbled across the missing link in the puzzle of the nightmare he found  himself in.  The answer came in the knowledge of a small part of the brain that was relatively unknown until the famous neuro-science professor Joseph  La Doux, (NYU) discovered aspects of a little part of the brain called the Amygdala in the Limbic System, which led to the development of The Release Effect.  

 

The Amygdala can store memories as a feeling memory even before our first conscious memories which usually start around the ages of 2-5.  For example, a baby left alone too long could feel abandoned, which to a baby would feel like a life threatening situation, and then in the future, anything even remotely similar to being alone can trigger the same fight/flight response that the Amygdala remembered from all those years before.  Even though the current situation is not logically relevant to that feeling memory.  The Release Effect does not require a memory of the original event that created the feelings, it does not use analysis of the past.

 

 

 

The Release Effect evolved and in the last ten years, Ray has successfully treated  nearly two thousand people with this technique, to help them get rid of their "monkeys" as well, and finally find that elusive peace of mind. 

 

Ray has been free of his depression and feelings of worthlessness, helplessness, failure, fear of poverty, unappreciated and unloved etc for over 20 years and has devoted most of his time to travelling to take this new approach to people all around the world.  He finds people in Hong Kong to be very open-minded and looks forward to meeting you at an almost free talk on April 20 evening, where you can learn more about The Release Effect.

  Love Offering :     HK$77

 

To join the evening talk on April 20 with Ray, call Reflections on 2504 1333. 

 

 

Related articles

Ray Lewis The Release Effect TRE

Remember when we spoke on the telephone?

When I was 11 I had a birthday party at my house.  I know this because I have photographic evidence of all the girls in my class sitting our settee.

When I was 16 I had a party at my house when all the girls and boys came.  I have no photographic evidence of this but it did happen.  It had all the elements of bad behaviour like any good 16th birthday celebration should.  The next day there were a few tears and voices raised in anger but I'm secretly proud that the neighbours were disturbed, the tropical fish had to suffer cider in their tank, some guests were in rooms they really shouldn't have been in and there was ash and spillages associated with under age drinking.

When I was 18 I had a bus load of people visit The Beer Keller in Newcastle (won the fancy knicker competition and was offered a job as a go-go dancer) who all paid towards the bus, had a good time at The Beer Keller, got back on the bus at the agreed departure time and all came home again. There is photographic evidence of this but it's not for general release.

The way that these parties were organised was through speaking to the people I wanted to invite. Those people were the people I wanted to come.  A fairly simple yet effective method with no agenda other than to have fun.  It went a bit like this "I'm having a party on  (insert date and time) do you want to come?" and the answer went a bit like this "Yes".  And then, here is best bit, they came to the party and had a good time.  In the run up to the party there was little to no communication necessary and on the day of the party people turned up at the right time at the designated place.  

 If I could not speak to them face to face then the alternative method of communication was over the telephone when a telephone number, which I had written in an address book or I had memorized, was dialed at an appropriate time when I estimated that person to be at home.  The message was conveyed and the response was immediate.

I don't remember a time when someone was doing something more interesting or didn't have time?

Obviously the people I was interacting with were teenagers without the burden of employment or the responsibility of babies or spouses but it seemed a very simple process.  Whereas in this age of smart phones and Facebook the process of inviting someone to anything seems to result in a cornucopia of flakiness and people who are so busy they cannot even reply with a cohesive answer or worst of all remain silent because they want to give the impression they are too busy.  The other message about the the 'silent' part is that it means a rejection but you have to guess that part yourself. 

Before the texting facility there wasn't any need to inform any one that you were on your way a number of times before you arrived , were lost, were running late or had a better offer and were not actually going to turn up as you had originally said.   This was also mostly impossible because once you left your own house you had no access to a phone unless you found a phone box, had the right change and knew the phone number of the person who was having the party.  If the party was not at a place where a phone could be answered none of the progress reports were possible and no one cared any way. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UiLaukbxQMs

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFR4PPxp2z8

 

A Facebook event is also a cornucopia for misunderstanding as well as the presumption, by some, that because you have ticked the box indicating that you can't go, you feel the need to write a few sentences about just how much more exciting and interesting your life is that you can't go  to a planned event that someone has spent time planning and taken the time to appreciate you and invite you.

It goes a bit like this

Friend has invited you to an event - Party (date, time place)  

Going   Not Going  May Be

And you need to tick a box.  That is it.  What you are not asked to do is announce to the other invited guests that you can't go because:-

Sorry can't come because we'll be in The Maldives {or any other named luxury holiday destination which will evoke feelings of jealousy} having our best holiday ever in our lives. (sub text - having a better time than we would at your party)

Would love to come but we are so busy right now, you know what it's like?  (sub text  - going to work, coming home, eating and dealing with other stuff that life brings along just like every one else but frankly I can't be arsed and don't like you very much) 

Can I let you know next week? (sub text - I might have a better offer by then so I'm keeping my options open when I can outrageously reject your invitation in favour of someone else's but if their invitation doesn't seem all that good then I'll come to you)

Sorry can't come I have family gathering that day. (sub text  - I always have family stuff to do but I'm telling you this to make you understand that you are lowly on my scale of priorities).

 

In this new texting world some etiquette needs to be followed.  In the same way as good manners were taught to us when we were children, we all need some proper rules and guidelines to follow in the world of cyber communication. We can then teach these to our children who will then be able to operate in the 21st century in the right and proper way.  

Oh hang on!  By the time they grow up and enter the world of work there will be some other new way of communication that we hadn't even thought about and we'll be no further forward....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Swimming

Swim Training - oh no 

Years ago I used to be a good swimmer.  For a while I was part of a team who trained and improved and entered competitions.  In my childhood memory this seems like it was years of intense training, but it probably wasn't,  and that feeling of desperately not wanting to swim another stroke and crying while I was completing the 40th lap (and that was just the warm up) is more pronounced in my memory than any enjoyment of winning a race.

Teaching

I never warmed to competitive swimming but I did go on to be a swimming teacher and teach children and adults to swim.  It is a marvellous moment to see a person going from non swimmer to swimmer and then just get better and better as their confidence kicks in.  I maintain that everyone can swim, I did not actually teach them, they could always do it really.

I spent years being either in the water or on the edge of a pool in charge of other people's children.  I don't want to sound over dramatic here but - this is a life and death situation.  It would be a little awkward to explain to a parent that you started off with a class of 20 and only returned 19 and it was their particular child who...

Follow the Rules

Strict rules had to be set.  No running, no back flips, no spins, no diving in the shallow end, no bombing, no no no no.  All for the ultimate safety of my students and peace of mind of all concerned.  It has been a constant embarrassment for my own children over the years because when being around a swimming pool in the capacity of holiday maker for leisure and not actually on duty as TEACHER, I would find it extremely difficult to not shout WALK or call someone over to 'have a word' about just how dangerous bombing can be if you hit the base of your spine on the pool floor, or go into detail about how severe a neck injury can be...

Swimming Style

The other thing I find hard to leave behind, now that I am not a swimming teacher, is technique.  Of course I don't say anything, but I do look on at struggling swimmers and want to give them the odd tip about how not to look like they are drowning or how to leave the pool feeling they've had a work out but have not swam very far.

Front Crawl

It's all about the breathing.  Statistically* 1 in 10 people are unable to swim with a flat body position, do side breathing whilst simultaneously doing a straight leg kick and move the arms smoothly, breaking the water with the fingers - and repeating this action for a whole length.

Instead there are many versions of front crawl to be seen in every swimming pool.  The worst one being attempting this stroke with the head up at all times whilst thrashing at the water with bent elbows and flailing the head meaninglessly from side to side.   Alternatively its the one where they start with the head down, it looks good for two arm pulls, then the head is lifted forward, an attempt at breathing takes place, the head is moved from side to side, optional snorting noises at this point, before it is placed back down again 

Breaststroke  

It is a fact* that 97.7%* of women are taught to swim this stroke correctly but some how cannot stop themselves from doing it wrong.  They persist in going to default granny-stroke-mode.  The advantage of this is the hair stays dry and breathing can be successfully maintained at a normal resting rate.  They can stroll around a pool using the granny-stroke technique in the same way they can window shop.  It is pointless and there is no result.  The disadvantage is that you look silly and old.  This is a true and tested statistic*.  9 out of 10 teenagers who were asked to rate the swimming technique of their mothers rated it as 'silly' and did not hold back in calling it granny-stroke and, therefore, ladies, it makes you look old.

So instead of looking like a champion

You look like this.

 

Backstroke

Apart from in the correct and proper context ie an Olympic race, it should never be attempted in a public swimming pool unless you want to seriously piss everyone else off.

Butterfly

See backstroke advice.

 

*(I made up the statistics) 

 

 

 

Enough Said Directed by Nicole Holofcener - is there hope?

Enough Said

Staring  James Gandolfini off of The Sopranos as Albert

and

Julia Louis-Dreyfus off of Seinfeld as Eva

Enough Said is essentially a love story to make the hoards of baby boomers, now finding themselves divorced, alone and single, but still with the responsibility of having dependent children, feel like there is  hope.  In their new dating world Albert and Eva go through the crushing discomfort of their first date that progresses to plain awkwardness and then, happily, to the thrill of new intimacy.   The dramatic irony we are then party to causes us to beg Eva to behave like the grown-up she actually is instead of the fool she appears to be and just be honest with Albert. 

I will not be a plot spoiler.  I do recommend you go and watch it.

What I particularly liked about this film is the way Gandolfini, a larger man, was cast in a romantic role as opposed to the typically handsome Brad Pitt, Hugh Grant or Colin Firth type.  Hollywood rarely makes the fat man the one who gets the girl.  

I know that there are a zillion perfect 10 actresses out there but we also have our fair share of curvaceous women who have rallied the cause for girls bigger than a size 10.  Miranda Hart, Oprah Whitney, Queen Latifah and Dawn French to name a few.  We see such women being happy and successful and loved.  They have the 'Love me for who I am" vibe going on loud and strong and we love them for it.

In Hollywood land we don't see very many men who are not conventionally handsome and I found it really refreshing to see a larger man in a role that involved romance, sex and genuine care for the women in his life.  In an experiment, in my own head, I changed the body types around to make the female role the 'larger' lady and the male role the trim, six pack firm bicep one and played out some scenes from that point of view.  I doubt if the crack about the calorie counter book or the digs about how much dip was consumed would have been received with anything but aggression and plate smashing.

As I said both characters have children who get on airplanes and fly to distant colleges, to be educated and make their own way in the world.  I REALLY cried at that part.   

 

 

Sleep - the blog

It seems I have been doing it wrong.

 Sleep that is.

As a teenager I was always getting wrong and being yelled at and made to feel ashamed because I was asleep for too long.  My bedroom door would burst open and my mother would be there, full of anger directed at me.  I was mystified as my only crime was being asleep.  How could I have done something wrong when all I was doing was lying down with my eyes closed?  Just because it was 3 o clock in the afternoon and the day had slipped by, was no ones problem but mine.  She didn't see it that way.  To my mother's mind I was missing something and she was angry with me for the waste of time.  

I was always good at sleeping.  It used to be a life skill I had mastered.  Alarms would be missed as well as buses.  The alarm would always be a very rude interruption to my sound nights sleep and as far as I was concerned what ever happened in the night (thunder, barking dogs, burglars skulking around the bedroom) never happened as I enjoyed my blissful sleep.

It was a genuine worry to me that I would not hear the cry of my off spring - but I did.  I put this down to pre programmed mothering instincts which in turn led to their survival.

And now the ability to fall into a deep and peaceful sleep, which could last til mid day on a weekend, has left me.   I don't need an alarm to wake me in time for, say, an exercise class at 9am on a Saturday morning, because I'll be awake.

I am informed that I am doing almost everything wrong when it comes to sleep.

Apparantly its not as easy as just putting the light off and lying in the dark for 8 hours.  There are preparations.  There are rules.  

The bed should be a bastion of sleep.  Nothing should go on in the bedroom other than sleep (I know what you are all thinking now but I'm not that sort of blogger).  So the very fact that when  I wake up in the night and check the time, the very fact that I look at the shiny big numbers on my phone means my brain is confused and wants to fully wake up.

There should be no tv watching in the bedroom because it is not condusive to sleep.  Yet I find that watching a tv programme is stupendiously boring enough to send me off to sleep.  Yet again its the dangers of the screen that make the brain less sleep and more likley to wake up. I must stop this. 

Typing a blog in bed as opposed to sitting at a desk paying attention to posture and screen glare is another black mark - excuse me while I move to the office!

My bed is like a nest with all sorts of things going on.  There is lap top use, there is kindle use, there is ipod use, there is phone use, there is radio use, there is painting of nails, there is cleansing of skin and face mask applying and when all else fails then sleep happens.  

And this is why I wake up far too early or wake often in the night.  I need to remove the chaos from my bedroom and in turn the chaos in my mind.

If I can have a resolution before the turn of the new year - can I? - it's going to be that I have a complete turn around of bed activities and use other rooms to do all the things I have previously found comfortable in bed and just use bed for sleeping in.

Yawn, excuse me I must sleep now.

 

 

Girl Put Your Records On...

Music is a wonderful thing

Record Player

Best of The Eagles back cover

I have been listening to it on a daily basis all my life and in these high-tech-state-of-the-art and other cliched phrases I could use about the way music is marketed to us masses - it is easier than ever.  It is cheaper than ever and its probably of a such a high quality that our ears don't even appreciate it.  I am speaking for myself in case you want to write and challenge me on that last point.

Technical Process

I can download music while sitting at my laptop (in bed, on the sofa in Starbucks)  and have it immediately coming into my ears by the process of - well I have not idea how it works, perhaps it's magic?  I can still buy a CD from a shop that sells music and then download it onto itunes and then my ipod and then I can have it with me 24 hours a day - if I so choose.  I can have music playing from my laptop, from my tv, from my car radio, from my ipod dock.  If I so wished I could install integral speakers into the ceiling of my home and have music piped into every room including the bathroom.  If I so choose. 

Vinyl Discs

But it didn't used to be like that.  I used to save up my pounds shillings and pence and buy vinyl records.  I will provide a photograph of the circular black vinyl discs for those too young to have a clue what I'm talking about.

This is a long playing vinyl record which plays at 33 1/3 revolutions per minute

And then I would take my record out of its paper sleeve and play it on my record player which was kept on the floor of my bedroom.  It had a plug and 3 speeds, 72 rpm, 33rpm and 45 rpm and a speaker.  You can see the two knobs on the front, off/on and the volume.  There was nothing else to control. 

Mine was like this

I've Got a Record Player

The breaking news I'm building up to is that I now have a record player.  It's true.  I have a 'new' record player and old records and have spent a very pleasant day playing them.  I hadn't remembered how labour intensive it is.  I had to constantly keep tending the machine, changing the record, putting them back in their paper sleeve and then the slightly awkward more difficult process of slipping the paper bit back into the cardboard bit.  You know what I mean?  If you don't get the angle right it just doesn't slip in smoothly (yak yak fnar fnar).

I started with The Eagles and as soon as I had placed the needle on the first track (with small coin fixed on the top for extra weight), heard the familiar crackle,  and then the introduction.  One of These Nights burst out into the room I was back in my bedroom and a 16 year old - alone- learning the words.  That was my aim, to listen to each track continuously for days and days and months and months until I knew the song and then not only would I know the track off by heart, I knew how long the pause would be before the next introduction to the next song would take and come in, on time, with the first line.  I could not listen to this song anywhere else unless I took it round my mates house to play on her record player, there was no way to listen if I wasn't right by my record player in my room. 

I've had a blast from the past with Best of The Eagles and a few Rod and The Faces and I've re experienced Frankie Goes to Hollywood ' Relax' and danced in the lounge and now I've discovered that I actually do like Led Zepplin which I truely didn't know.  I know I like Stairway to Heaven, I mean who doens't, but my memory of Led Zep as a teenager was a terrible uncomfortable noise coming out of the sixth form common room.  I pretended to like it to impress a boy once, but I was too besotted with The Bay City Rollers at the time to give Plant and Page much attention. 

A Led Zepplin record wot I like

I announce to the world that I do in fact like Led Zepplin.  I have to go now the neighbours are banging on the door and seem angry...

 

 

 

 

Viz Educational Recruitment

Viz Adult Comic

 

I just had to share these spoof adverts from this months Viz.  I am thinking of applying!

 

Rutland Council Schools Service

WANTED

Large-Breasted Female English Teacher   24-30K

A busy boys-only secondary school in Oakham is seeking a new English teacher.  The appointee will have a good knowledge of 20th Century English Literature, familiarity with the requirements of the National Curriculum and a flimsy blouse, straining at the buttons.

Main duties will involve providing masturbatory inspiration for boys in Years 9, 10 and 11, as well as subject matter for crudely-drawn desk-lid graffiti.  An existing rumour about having posed for pornographic photographs on the internet would be an advantage but is not essential, as this will start following the first assembly the successful applicant attends.

For an application form contact Mr Geoff Plywood, Deputy Head, St. Oswalds High Street, Rutland

"Helping Pupils Maximise Achievement of their Individual Potential" 

Rutland Council Schools Service

or

 

Redditch County Council require a

Bitter, Jaded Geography Teacher

Grade 2  38-41K pa

Redditch County Council are seeking a tired, disenchanted professional to go through the motions of teaching geography A level at a comprehensive school in the borough.

We're looking for someone with a complete lack of drive and ambition to sit in front of a class, drinking coffee for up to 40 minutes at a time.  The successful candidate will have:-

• a farcial record of absenteeism
• given every piece of homework he has ever marked 7/10 without reading it
• absolutely no desire for promotion
• not changed his lesson plans for at least 15 years

In addition he will be cynically counting the days to the earliest opportunity he has to take early retirement on the grounds of ill health whilst retaining his full pension entitlement.

If this sounds like you, then reply enclosing the same CV you had in 1976 to Mrs Audrey Frodsham, ref. V654, Town Hall Reddith RE5

Reddich Schools, more than just schools...Redditch Schools!

The Rule of Pants

Pants - you have to have standards

I ventured into the realms of fashion a couple of days ago and made it known to the world that there are very strict rules regarding the wearing of socks.  If there are still folk out there who are unsure or unaware of the rules please refer to the previous blog called Socks- it's a mine field.  It has been suggested that I add a section about hikers and the red sock and chunky hiking boot plus there has been dispute over dark socks and trainers - honestly its a cheek!

I am now turning my attention to the subject of pants.  I mean pants, the sort you wear under your clothes (not trousers).  Briefs, knickers, panties, underwear, skivvies, smalls (feel free to add more names). 

I think this subject needs to be dealt with according to gender so I will tackle the men first.

There seems to be two main camps when the subject of male underwear is chosen and worn.  One lot prefer the boxer and the other the tighter cotton brief.  I am not a man.  It is a matter of personal choice, I cannot stress this enough.  But it has always been a bit of a mystery to me why men want to wear cotton boxers that have no support or stretch in them.  Surely a little support in that area would be beneficial?  I am just thinking how bras offer such support for females so it follows that the same would be true of the testicle area?  A further advantage of the brief would be less bulk under trousers or shorts, surely?  All explanations would be welcome here.

 

I also need to direct you to my previous blog on speedos and my confession at ths point.

Boxer Shorts

No Commandos Please

The strictest rule for males to adhere to is the wearing of underwear or at least if you have no underwear and are going to wear shorts then it is essential that the shorts have their own sewn in liner offering a snug hammock for the male parts and ensuring there is no embarrassment.  For instance when sitting down with legs apart or casually placing ones foot on a chair giving others an unrestricted view up the leg of the shorts. 

Female Pants

There are hundreds of different styles for women and it should logically follow that there should be enough styles for all the different shaped bottoms in the world.  But you'd be wrong.  Women's pants manufacturers are blind to the fact that pants have to cover cheeks so not make the dreaded VPL (visible pantie line) plus the invention of the thong has merely created a nasty infection spreading razor which is a useless piece of clothing.

Trinny and Susannah do talk some sense when it comes to foundation garments and have exposed a number of out of control wobbling bottoms in their attempt to up the standard of acceptable dress in the UK.  Magic Knickers

Girls, don't continue with ill fitting knickers that dig into your flesh and cause bulges ga lour.  There are some excellent body shaping items in Marks & Spencer these days.

And Spanx have a whole range of items to smooth any lump or bump.  See the Spanx Before and After photographs for yourself.  

 
There is even a male version of Spanx and I don't think men should shy away from this garment.  It could be a revolution for bellies world wide.  Spanx for Men offer compression under garments to help suck in bellies, its the Playtex 18 hour girdle for men.  It had to come one day.

 

Gentle reader, I conducted my own photographic survey this morning of pants in the local vicinity and I was shocked and horrified at some of the sights I found hanging around the place for all to see.  My mother was too shy to hang her pants on the washing line and kept them drying inside for modesty sake!  But some of the examples of shabby, worn out rags that pass  as underwear need to be seriously assessed and made into dusters at once.  (that's what my mother also used to do).  Check your knicker drawer now and if there are any that look like this, put them in the bin.

 

The washed out dark blue
 
 
 

 

 

 

 

                                                      Little and Large

 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Skiddies!

 

 

 

                                            Duster pretending to be underwear.

Socks - it's a mine field!

A law breaker

Are you fashion conscious?

Do you know how to coordinate colours?

Can you accurately tell what a fabric is just by touch?

Or do you simply not care what you look like, have no clue which colour contrasts with another, especially in the morning (then have to suffer it all day) , and constantly make shopping blunders which could be anything from getting the wrong size, wrong material or just plain wrong.

Fashion is a mine field.  There are so many choices to be made not only when shopping for new clothes but every single morning when the wardrobe doors are opened and items must be selected, obviously depending on what's in the wash.

It is the small accessories that can add a certain je ne sais quoi to any outfit.  That statement jewelry, the correctly placed belt or the right shoes can have a dramatic effect.  But the one item which can make or break an outfit is the in the foot area and if the choice of foot ware is wrong you are in serious danger of being ostracised by society and labelled as a total loser.

You think I exaggerate? I do not.  There are so many unwritten rules about sock wearing and I feel it my duty to explain a few points to you all.

No Socks with Sandals - it's the law

The sock wearing rule about wearing socks with sandals should never, under any circumstances, be broken.  If you still do not know about this one and are wondering why people point and laugh at you in the street, why your children walk six paces behind you and you are constantly drinking alone then look at your feet.  Are you an offender?  Are you wearing sandals because the weather has warmed up?  Yes would be a good answer especially in summer.  But have you omitted to leave your socks in the drawer?  Dear reader, even if you want to wear sandals but feel your feet will be cold or will be uncomfortable rubbing on the harsh newly purchased items you still cannot wear socks.  You must suffer cold feet and anything else that comes along because you must never break the sock wearing rule EVER!

Law breaker

Trainers and Sock Rule

If you are a sporty type person or wear trainers for comfort and fashion be aware of the sock wearing rule connected with trainers.  It used to be fine to wear a white ankle length sports sock with trainers.  It is not and never has been fine to wear any other colour of sock with trainers. But that was back in the 80's.  The more modern approach to sock wearing and trainers is the 'trainer sock'.  This is because the new law about sock wearing is that they have to be secret socks that, under any circumstances, must not show above the shoe.

Secret socks. Ssshh we are not really here

School Shoes Rule

As well as secret socks with trainers it has become an absolute crime for school girls to wear school shoes with socks that show above the shoe.  If mothers are not aware of this and are wondering why their daughter is unhappy in school, is sullen or sulky  try looking in her sock drawer.  This could be the answer to all future happiness in her school life.  It is absolutely essential to buy school shoes according to the school rules but also to buy socks according to the rule of socks.  Mums, learn this now, they must not show.  Girls, if your mum or your teacher makes you wear ankle socks that actually give away the fact that you are wearing socks the only alternative is to roll the sock down and flip it under your heel.  That is the method adopted by school girls who want to have friends.  It is a bit like rolling the waist band of your skirt up at the bus stop after you've left home and before you get to school.

This child is lonely and sad

There are other sock wearing rules that one must never break because if you do, the method of your sock wearing can change who you as a person.

Socks with flip flops - makes you a complete idiot.

utterly ridiculous

Knee high socks - for women over the age of 10, makes you a complete flibbertigibbet.

 

Flibbertigibbet

White socks dark shoes, oh no!

For men the pairing of a white sock and a formal dark shoe makes you an untrustworthy car salesman type and people will call you a plonker to your face. If you are actually a car salesmen you will probably not sell many cars unless it is to other white sock wearing/dark shoe wearing men.

Oi Rodney! You plonker

Cartoon Socks - zany?

Cartoon socks are in the same category as cartoon ties.  Must only be worn by male primary school teachers on specified 'fun days' other than that they should be designated to the back of the drawer and forgotten about.  I know people think they are a fun stocking filler at Christmas but they are never meant to be worn by grown males. If worn it makes you a zany fun loving guy, which really means a complete tosser.

Keep them in the back of the drawer for ever

Holes (or potaoes) 

Then there is the most heinous of crimes.  You may have got the length right.  You may have got the colour right.  But your chosen socks for the day have holes in them and, god forbid, you are required to take your shoes off and expose your self as a total slob, loser or cretin who has let themselves go, has no self respect and probably is loved by no one not even your mother.  It is that critical.  Never never never wear socks with holes.

The unloved

Public Warning

Wear socks with due care and attention.  Your future happiness depends on it.

Memories of King Kowloon - Exhibition TaiKoo Place

 


  Exhibition - 20th April - 31st May 2011  10am - 8pm

  Venue - ArtisTree  1/F Cornwall House, TaiKoo Place    FREE ADMISSION

  Nearest MTR  Quarry Bay

This History behind the man

This exhibition is a well thought out informative history of one of Hong Kong's most loved graffiti artists. Long before Banksy had even cut his first stencil Tsang Tsou-choi was using traditional Chinese calligraphy, with ink and a paint brush, to write his message on public spaces for the world to read.   Of course being unable to read Chinese the message, up until now, has been lost on me. 

Royal Blood

Now that the exhibition has enlightened me I know that he thought himself the rightful royal ruler of the Kowloon peninsula and his messages demanded he should be given total rule of all of Kowloon.  He objected to Elizabeth 1 being the colonial ruler so his first messages were addressed to her.  After the handover things didn't go quite as he expected and so he had to continue painting his messages for all to see.  After 1997 they were aimed at the Chinese government and he continued to claim that he was in fact the King of Kowloon.  He was still waiting for tax to be paid to him from Donald Tsang upon his death.  Tsang never replied to his tax demand which was painted on a wall in Kowloon!

It is estimated that over 51 years of scribbling in 80 locations over Hong Kong he generated 55,845 pieces of work and used 1,170 litres of ink. 

The Exhibition

The rooms are darkened with well lit exhibits not only of his work, of which there is miles, but of various artifacts from his life that have been preserved for posterity.  Some quite mundane memorabilia such as old felt tip pens and empty ink bottles claimed to belong to the King.  G.O.D. now uses some of his ideas and sells them as trendy items in their shops.  They have an alarm clock and a t-shirt adorned with the Kings calligraphy, now hot fashion items.  Buy now while stocks last!

Space Invader

During his lifetime his fame spread around the world and he was visited by Space Invader - graffiti artist , a famous American graffiti artist who placed one of his tile designs on the wall of the old folks home where he lived.  This has now been removed and is carefully displayed.  I am reliably informed this is worth thousands these days.

Local Talent

Students from local schools have used King Kowloon as inspiration for their own work and this is also on display and well worth a look.  Who says Hong Kong students cannot be creative? 

 

 

William and Kate - Royal Wedding - 29th April, 2011

God Save the Queen.

The Official Site of The Royal Wedding

The wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton is on Friday.  Did you know?

It's at 11am british time so that makes it 6pm Hong Kong time.  How civilized.

I feel I am missing out on the celebrations and street parties because I am not in jolly old blighty.  I know I can watch wall to wall telly about 'how they met' 'who designed the dress' 'who is on the invitation list' 'how his parents met' (who were they?) etc etc but what I am missing out on is the cheap tat that will be inevitably be on sale in...I was going to say Woolworths, but that's long gone, so whatever the equivalent to Woolies is these days?  Probably ASDA or TESCO.

I am still mourning the breakage of the Charles and Diana mug that I bought 31 years ago although that drop may have been a freaky premonition.  Or just a smashed mug?

Here are some excellent examples of the William & Kate memoribilia - my personal favourite is the the William and Kate Fridge!

 

The Food for the reception

Is this the price of a stamp these days?

This beer has been created to celebrate the day.

Kiss me Kate

 Weird masks, balloons and plastic cups - everything you'll need for your street party

I am surprised I haven't seen for sale in Sai Kung.

bunting and flags

Condoms by appointment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   Well, if it was Prince Andrew it would be different.

 

Kate Middleton doll (could be full size with open mouth, not too sure)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My favourite - the fridge - a splendid addition to any modern kitchen

Knit your own Royal Wedding kit, corgis included - start now to be ready for the 29th!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is she really the girl next door?

  Love Hearts for those with a sweet tooth.

 

 

Totally chavvy nails.  A must for all slappers!

                                              Royal tea bags               Royal jigsaw puzzle

 

Top Shop Bunting Socks - a must for your big day William...

 

                                                              Isn't it K for Katherine?

This is just to remind me of the mug I smashed.

 

Ritz Carlton - World's Highest Hotel, Hong Kong

Ritz Carlton Hong Kong

The Ritz Carlton Hotel is situated on 1 Austin Road, Kowloon.  It is the highest hotel in the world.

More tea? 

It is 1,600 ft high although I have a strong suspicion that it won't hold the record for long because someone somewhere will get all competitive and want to go to even giddier heights.  The second, third and fourth highest hotels are in, surprise surprise, Dubai.

Flower arrangement Ritz Carlton The Lounge 
 
Even though this building is even higher than the famous IFC (1364ft) I hadn't even noticed it!  I put this down to being busy and having to go to work.  I thought it was just me who didn't know about its opening at the end of March but no, I got in a taxi in Jordon and asked for "Ritz Carlton, 1 Austin Road m goi"  I got the standard response 'Ha!'  At first he attempted to drop me off at BP International House also on Austin Road but come on, it didn't even sound a bit like Ritz Carlton and is not very high at all!  After one of those fraught journeys where the taxi driver talks on the phone in a confused way and gives you no confidence in actually getting to your destination he eventually made it and we ended as friends.

Before

 After ...
 
HOW TO GET THERE

For future reference ask for Elements Shopping Mall and the Ritz Carlton is actually situated at the top of a building called International Commerce Centre ICC which is the last building on the road - THE TALLEST ONE!  The hotel is actually perched on the top of the ICC on floors 102 to 118 and afternoon tea involves a lift ride with only stop from zero to floor 103 (it took ages and my ears popped) then a short escalator down one floor to The Lounge.

It is beautifully decorated with amazing views - obviously.  The tea involves everything you'd expect - three tiered plate full of goodies and copious amounts of tea from a wide choice.

For an extra thrill you can go even higher to the bar on floor 118 Ozone which even has a partly open area and yesterday there was quite a chilly breeze blowing around there.  I thought I was being quite brave getting close to the edge and looking down.  Gulp!

 
Afternoon Tea at the Ritz Carlton, Hong Kong 

The closest building on the right is the IFC, Hong Kong Side, across the harbour is the ICC - can you see me waving?

 

Weekend in Shanghai

Chen Yi, the first communist mayor of Shanghai

I have to admit to being not very well travelled when it comes to China.  I have lived in SAR for nearly ten years now but have been some how magnetically repelled from the mainland because of the horror stories I hear on a daily basis about:-

• dirty toilets
• dirty air
• dirty streets
• dirty trains

Then there is the danger angle people like to thrap on about:-

• risk of earthquake
• risk of flood

Not to mention the general physical risks of:-

• being robbed
• being in a car accident
• being swindled

Taking my life in my hands I visited Shanghai, China's most populous city to find it was none of those things and whats more I had a great time and came back all in one piece.  I enjoyed it, I felt safe and I would go back.

ART

There is lots of art to see and the first stop was Shanghai Museum of Art situated next to the People's Park.  At the moment there is an exhibition of American Print Makers and we saw famous pieces by Jasper John's and Jim Dine.  After that we headed for 50 Moganshan Road which is a higgledy piggledy complex of converted warehouses filled with a vast variety of contemporary art.  Hundreds of visitors are attracted to this area every day and as well as the art there are trendy cafes and coffee to be had.  There is also the Museum of Modern Art, a state of the art glass building inside the People's Park but at the moment it just has a cafe inside - no art.

Pervert taking photograph of young girl's legs

 

THE PEOPLE'S PARK

The People's Park itself is a myriad of life.  A well looked after garden plus a few small theme park rides, it attracts a variety of people.  Sit on the grass and enjoy your picnic.  Practise tai chi to your hearts content.  Dress up in a panda outfit and thrill the children.  Advertise your unmarried grown up children being available for marriage (there was loads of that).  Play chess.  Beg.  Stop bewildered tourists and ask them questions to practise your English then offer to take them to a tea ceremony (we had that lots of times). All very friendly and non threatening.  I was even protected from a particularly annoying beggar in the park by some Shanghai people who felt the need to keep me safe and send her on her way.  They then translated what they had said for me which was basically 'get a job and stop bothering the tourist's!

Weeeee!

WANTED - GROOM FOR MY DAUGHTER

 

NANJING ROAD

Upon arrival on Nanjing Road pedestrian street the hawkers selling copy everythingyoucanthinkof pounced but being used to it on Nathan Road the usual technique of eyes front and ignore was implemented.  Although I wasn't quite ready for the wheelie shoe sellers who zipped about on a type of roller skate wheel that can be attached to any shoe.  They obviously felt that I was in the market for wheelie shoes but I politely declined, at first, after the 8th person zipping up to me on their trendy wheels I had had enough.  That's when Fairy Land Foot Massage lit its beacon and led me up their wonderful staircase to wonderfulness.  See previous blog.

Fairyland Foot Massage, Shanghai

THE BUND

In the evening, after one of the most delicious and interesting meals of my life at Lost Heaven.  See previous blog. 

Lost Heaven

We did The Bund.  The most famous area by the river lined with magnificent historic stone built structures dating back to a time when the west had a strong influence on the city.  On The Bund side of the river are the neo classical and art deco style buildings while across the river are the futuristic modern buildings all lit up and pretty.  Having said that it was Earth Hour when we arrived which meant that most of the lights had been switched off for an hour so the impact of them all coming on again at 9.30pm was thrilling, albeit not environmentally that friendly!

JAZZ IN SHANGHAI

On The Bund is the Peace Hotel which contains a very cool jazz club.  We look our positions on high stools at the bar and enjoyed the band.  Wow!  Excellent live music.  I didn't enjoy the cigarette smoke quite so much and it was a surprise to be in a bar full of smoke these days.  There is talk that China will ban smoking in public places very soon.  Let's wait to see how it goes?  A bit more jazz after the Peace Hotel involved a taxi ride to JZ Jazz Bar, 46 Fuxing Road, near Yongfu Road which was, again filled with smoke, and a zillion more people.  It is Shanghai's hippest jazz club.  After a difficult attempt at trying to get close to the stage and being told we had to pay 500 RMB for the privilege, we moved back to the free seating and let the jazz wash over us.  Yeh daddio!

OLD SHANGHAI AND YU GARDENS

Next morning more exploring was on the itineray and a visit to Yu Gardens and Old Shanghai.  It was crowed.  Very crowded.  But very exciting and filled with atmosphere and tourists being lead around by ladies in red caps and the dreaded electric megaphone.  Oh dear!  The buildings and temples were stunning and food stalls overwhelming.  We made our way out of the more crowded tourist shuffle area down some back streets where the real people lived and enjoyed a lunch which was cooked for us as we watched.  There were ceramic dishes already prepared with the ingredients, vegetables, fish or meat or just a veggie options with noodles or rice.  Once you choose your dish it was placed over a gas flame until it bubbled and cooked everything.  I think it was the original Pot Noodle.

So I wasn't in any danger as far as I know and I now know the horror stories are just that - stories.  There was even a Marks & Spencers with a sale on with a great coat just wating for me!

 

MORE PHOTOS WILL BE POSTED SHORTLY

 

Another Year directed by Mike Leigh

THE MIKE LEIGH TECHNIQUE

I love the fact that Mike Leigh doesn't let the actors of his films have a script and the fact that he makes them develop the character themselves.  He sits them down and asks them a zillion questions about the character they will be, from what sort of breakfast did you eat as a child and how did you go to school to how you feel about your boss and how did you sleep last night.  Until the actor becomes the font of all knowledge for their character and will 'live' their character throughout their stint playing them.  Abigail's Party and Nuts in May are my favourites probably because Alison Steadman is in both of them.

BRITISH FILM IN HONG KONG

I look out for new work from Leigh and have been looking forward to seeing Another Year.  Eventually it came to Hong Kong after being released in the UK last year.  I am always keen to watch British films and adore the ordinariness of their portrayal of real life in all its mundane ways much more than the Hollywood razzmatazz. 

ANOTHER YEAR - REVIEW

World Exclusive Trailer - The Guardian

Another Year shows us the lives of Gerri and Tom, a middle-aged couple nearing retirement, and their year as the seasons change on their allotment.  Tom is a geologist and Gerri is a counsellor.  They are middle class and very comfortable in their cozy modern house and I want to tell you they have an Aga but I am not 100% sure, for arguments sake let's believe they do.  But the story is not really about them, its about their long  term friends Mary, a desperately sad and lonely woman who Gerri works with and Ken, Tom's old friend who is overweight and unhealthy with a potential drink problem.  The other character who is also taken into the kitchen (with Aga)  is Tom's brother who comes to stay after the death of his wife.

MARY

These three people are featured around the table of Gerri and Tom at various times during the year and their unhappiness is palpable. They are all in need of love and care at a time in their lives when none of them have a partner for various reasons.  Mary, in particular, is appealing to the couple for support and a slice of security in her shambolic life.  There is no doubt that Lesley Manville was utterly brilliant working in the Mike Leigh style and the audience can feel nothing but sympathy for her.

SUCH A REVOLTING COUPLE

I found the main characters of Tom and Gerri to be the most revolting  people.  They didn't entertain their friends, they merely  tolerated them.  They did not help them in any way apart  from feeding them and offering copious glasses of wine which was probably the last thing they needed.  Looking down their noses at their sad and lonely friends and just allowing them to get deeper into a  mire of self pity and mental health problems.   Gerri is the worst counsellor in the world and Tom has probably given up caring about his profession a long time ago given that retirement and more time on his allotment is looming. His sensitivity is actually cold and fake.

ORDINARILY BRITISH

It is a beautifully shot film and is British in its ordinariness, in a good way.  But I was so depressed at their lack of real care for their friends and I became more and more irritated by their superior stance of 'we are happy and you are not' attitude I wanted to take Mary and Ken and genuinely help them.  Really listen to their problems and really be supportive instead of a half arsed invitation for dinner during which nothing is really said and nothing is really changed.

 

 

Strawberry Picking - Hong Kong

Here I am snipping the strawberries

 

http://yl.com.hk/sbg/index.html

 

STRAWBERRY PICKING - SHA TAU KOK ROAD

Today I picked about 5lbs of strawberries on a pick-your-own-farm up towards Fanling in the New Territories.  In fact it's almost in China and there is the border with a policeman and a big sign saying Permit Holders Only'.  There is a big Buddhist temple on the right of Sha Tau Kok Road with many people burning paper offerings to their ancestors, some quite nice gardens with some carp swimming about although it could do with a clean and general prune.  One Buddhist temple is much like any other round these parts but this one has stalls with dried and fresh produce for sale.  The added bonus is the strawberry picking field.

My punnet (see below) cost $140 and right now I am making jam!

I would never have believed it possible but its really true.  It is strawberry picking for softies in that the plants are grown on plastic sheeting so no need to get any dirty soil on your Guccis plus they provide a handy pair of kiddie scissors for snipping the stalks.

 

A basket full of strawberries    $140 please

 As well as that I have now made organic carrot and corriander soup.  It's all good.

BREAKING NEWS - JAM IN JARS

Extra bonus addition to this blog - it is now Tuesday 5th April and the jam is now in jars.

The first attempt resulted in 4 jars of jam but it didn't set.  So I put two jars back in the pan, added apple skin and boiled for longer.  This resulted in set jam but it reduced down to only one jar.  It is yummy but in no way economical. 

Fairyland - Foot Massage and Hard Skin Removal - Shanghai

 

Feet

SOOTHING MASSAGE

After a tremendous amount of walking around Shanghai one Saturday on a weekend mini break our feet were throbbing and in need of some attention.  We didn't plan to visit Fairyland Health and Beauty on Nanjing Pedestrian Street, it seemed to find us.  I think it had a magnetic charm that lulled us up the stairs into completely unknown territory.  There was a short period of uncertainty until I was sure it was a respectable establishment because its just awful when it's not, don't you just hate it when that happens?

RELAXING MUSIC

In the blink of an eye we were made comfortable in a darkened room with relaxing music and our feet were soaked in fragrant water while the masseurs paid our shoulders much need attention.  A special bonus of a shoulder rub just to make up the time while the feet are cleansed and softened up ready for the foot massage.

HARD SKIN REMOVAL

The massage was excellent and I would have no reservations in recommending Fairyland if you are ever in need of stress relief and are in Shanghai at the same time.  But actually the best bit was the hard skin removal service.  For an extra 48 RMB a specially skilled man was summoned into the room yielding a blade.  Or was it a scalpel or was it an incredibly sharp chisel?  As I say it was a darkened room so it was hard to tell.  But the hard skin removal master was well equipped to work on feet in a darkened room.  He was wearing a head torch.  I guess he had a been boy scout when he was younger so was always prepared.  He set to work with the chisel and with the lightest touch he managed to  shave off what looked like snow flakes from my feet.  The towel was soon covered and I caught the masseurs looking sideways at each other at the surprising amount of dead skin building up as he dutifully shaved my feet.

The service was excellent, shoulder, feet and shaving of said feet. We floated out.  Wow!

Hard skin removal man wearing head torch

The man in the head torch made Fairyland an extra special experience and I want him to come and live in our house.

Lost Heaven, Yunnan Folk Cuisine, Shanghai

Yunnan Folk Cuisine Restaurant

http://www.lostheaven.com.cn/

Situated on Ya'an Dong Road, Shanghai this truly wonderful restaurant uses the flavours and ingredients of the Mountain Mekong Region to produce a spectacular menu. The dishes are influenced by flavours from Tibet, Burma, Thailand and the Yunnan Province of China.  The layout and decor is visually stunning and so is the menu and so are the chairs and so are the photographs displayed around the walls showing breathtaking images of the Yunnan area taken by David Hartung.  His photographs are also featured on the website if you care to check it out (Gallery).  But the nitty gritty of any restaurant, regardless of its lovely chairs and interesting toilets, is the food.  What does it taste like? 

I'll tell you. 

BEST FOOD EVER

At Lost Heaven I ate some of the best food I have ever had in my life.  It sounds like hyperbole and exaggeration doesn't it?  I really mean it.  I am being honest about the flavours.  So different, so refreshing and so scrumptious. 

The Yunnan Wild Vegetable Cakes (SEE PICTURE) served with a tomato relish were simple, beautiful. I enjoyed the chicken with seven spices as well as the mixed vegetables in a tamarind sauce.  The Crispy Pork was crispy, it was crackingly delicious.  The Tea Leaf Salad, a speciality dish from Burma, was the best dish which consisted of finely chopped, freshly picked tea leaf tips with a mixture of dried broad beans, peanuts and other yummy stuff.  I really don't know exactly what was in it I just know I needed to eat more of it. 

Lost Heaven gets a huge thumbs up from me.  When in Shanghai - go there.

Beautiful decor

The Hong Kong Literary Festival 2011 Benjamin Zephaniah

 

Benjamin Zephaniah

AN AUDIENCE WITH BEN PLUS HUNDREDS OF CHILDREN

In previous years I have seen authors talk about how they write and what they do to produce a book worthy of publication.  I am always interested in such a process having got to chapter seven of my own masterpiece but, so far, cannot find the wherewithal to continue to the end.  Authors sit in rooms with computers and write.  They usually work alone and so for the majority being in front of a large audience is not a natural environment.  Some can talk and be interesting, some can tell a story as well as write it, the opposite is sometimes, unfortunately true.  Some are not interesting and can't tell a story apart from when they are in their own room silently producing the written word.

A MAN OF MANY TALENTS

Benjamin Zephaniah is not soley a writer.  He is a performer.  Having an audience with him (and a few hundred school children) at this years literary festival was a wonderful experience.  His poetry is funny and accessable with a serious message.

I used to think nurses were women

I used to think police were all men

I used to think poets were boring

until I became one of them

 

You see what I mean?  Four lines, quite simple and straight forward but worthy of an analytical essay about the deeper meaning relating to feminism, class and stereotypical judgements in a post colonial voice.

A FUNNY MAN WITH A SERIOUS MESSAGE

Zephaniah is funny.  He doesn't take himself seriously but he does take the world seriously.  His work carries a message about equality and justice for all, including turkeys.  He talks of racism and sexism and even vegatarinism.  The children were more than satisfied by his answers to their questions about what kind of car he drives to his twin sister's name and he deflected any questions about his dreadlocks, obviously he gets that a lot!

At 53 he is looking good.  I wonder if its being a rasta, being a vegan or being a kung fu expert?

BENJAMIN ZEPHANIAH  OBE?

He was awarded an OBE but declined to accept it.  Here is the poem about that time.

 

Smart big awards and prize money
Is killing off black poetry
It's not censors or dictators that are cutting up our art.
The lure of meeting royalty
And touching high society
Is damping creativity and eating at our heart.

The ancestors would turn in graves
Those poor black folk that once were slaves would wonder
How our souls were sold
And check our strategies,
The empire strikes back and waves
Tamed warriors bow on parades
When they have done what they've been told
They get their OBE's.

Don't take my word, go check the verse
Cause every laureate gets worse
A family that you cannot fault as muse will mess your mind,
And yeah, you may fatten your purse
And surely they will check you first when subjects need to be amused
With paid for prose and rhymes.

Take your prize, now write more,
Faster,
Fuck the truth
Now you're an actor do not fault your benefactor
Write, publish and review,
You look like a dreadlocks Rasta,
You look like a ghetto blaster,
But you can't diss your paymaster
And bite the hand that feeds you.

What happened to the verse of fire
Cursing cool the empire
What happened to the soul rebel that Marley had in mind,
This bloodstained, stolen empire rewards you and you conspire,
(Yes Marley said that time will tell)
Now look they've gone and joined.

We keep getting this beating
It's bad history repeating
It reminds me of those capitalists that say
'Look you have a choice,'
It's sick and self-defeating if our dispossessed keep weeping
And we give these awards meaning
But we end up with no voice.