Lesley in Hong Kong

Educating Rita (Lesley)

Julie Walters and Michael Caine 

Educating Rita

McAulay Studio,

Wan Chai

Hong Kong

26th February, 2011

Rita - Kim Haslam

Frank - Adam Harris

THE HONG KONG CAST

Educating Rita was performed at the McAulay Studio in Wan Chai with Adam Harris as Frank, the consistently inebriated professor who is charged with Rita, a working class girl with big ideas.  Rita, played by Kim Haslam, is a hairdresser who has signed up with The Open University to get herself an education.  Frank sets about teaching literary criticism to someone with no previous knowledge and we witness the change in Rita as education starts to work.

CONVINCING DRUNKENESS

The performance of both actors, the only people on the stage during the two acts, was truly excellent from the very convincing drunkenness to the Liverpudlian accent to the dusty books on the shelves and the illusion of the window to outside.

HAIR CUT SIR?

Adam's usual hairstyle fitted the part of geriatric hippie exactly and not wanting to be rude I won't mention the beard. But I'll take a risk just in case it was grown for this part, I'm sure he won't mind if I suggest that clean shaven, shorter hair would indeed take ten years off him!

AM I RITA?

I can really relate to Rita.  I think I am her.  You see I am an Open University product but was much older than 26 before it dawned on me that getting a degree would open some doors.  No one ever burnt my books or told me to stop though, everyone was extremely supportive and I couldn't have done it without the help of my family.

OPEN UNIVERSITY

But I wonder if an education is really the way forward these days, perhaps it's not? A degree is common place and in the UK equals a debt with no guarantee of a job.  My own children are heading that way and as much as I want them to have the experience of being there and experiencing 'life' as opposed to an Open University course where you study at home being extremely self disciplined and swotty (well I was!) the chance of a job at the end seems remote in the present economic climate.

MASTERS DEGREE - IS IT WISE?

So with this in mind I have quite rashly signed up to do a Masters Degree with, you've guessed it, The Open University.  I am into my third assignment and so far have found it excruciatingly boring mind numbingly dull and sleep inducing.  My scores are only just acceptable and there are periods of time when I am forced to say no to invitations out because I have to do my reading or essay writing.

Why? Why? Why?

IF SHE CAN DO IT WHY CAN'T I?

Right now I am doubting my ability to get through this Open University course.  Last night while watching Educating Rita I found myself wondering why it is so difficult for me, after all I have no alcoholic tutor or any pressure to have a baby, no one has ever burnt my assignments and I don't have a suicidal flatmate.  Get a grip Lesley!

 

Svetlana Live at the Talk of the Town, Excelsior Hotel, Hong Kong

  

TASTLESS TROUSERS

 

The Talk of the Town is on the top floor of The Excelsior Hotel, Causeway Bay.  There are many, many good reasons for a night out there. 

• Fantastic view over Victoria Harbour
• TOTT has recently been renovated
  
• There is an excellent band featuring Wendy
• Nice comfy sofas
  
• Excellent service

WHO GOES THERE?

The clientele can be a mixture of hotel guests, business men and tourists as well as a few couples having a romantic night out.  Then there are the regulars who know the set list, the dance moves and the band.  There is also a subtle presence of older singles on the look out for other older singles and, so I'm informed, one or two escorts. 

GET UP AND DANCE

The best part of a night at The Talk of the Town is the dance floor and mainly because, unlike so many bars in Hong Kong, there is room to dance. I have been squashed in far too many small dance floors in Wan Chai or Lan Kwai Fong, where it is unpleasant and just about impossible to get in any sort of cool dance moves in.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRENDA

Last night me and my friends were treated to a thrilling display of pumping, grinding, moshing, twirling and pelvic thrusting  by a very sweet young lady, who I believe is called Svetlana.  What a treat!  Wearing a colourful array of tight lycra animal print from the Bet Lynch spring collection accessorized with touches of bling from Ratners she really stood out.   It goes without saying that she could whip her hair back and forth and boy did she ever!

STOP THAT CAVORTING!

I have thought about her quite a lot today wondering if she is in traction for neck or pelvis problems due to far too much cavorting.  But just a little message for her from all the other guests on the floor "Stop it!"

Enell Sports Bra - Opera's favourite

I have a never ending quest to find a good sports bra.  A bra that I can wear for exercise.  A bra that will do what it says on the box.  To be explicit it is a bra that will support my breasts during a moderate to hard run, in a public place, and ensure that 'the girls' are kept under control throughout a bout of jumping jacks, spotty dogs and even skipping. 

I have tried lots, some good, some not so much.  Even if they are good to start with, after a few months of sweatie workouts, washing and drying they loose their support and turn into an overstretched grey rag.

I have not found any suitable sports bras that fulfill my needs in any shop in Hong Kong.  I have given up and taken to buying online.

My latest online purchase arrived from Ladiesonlysports.com and I tested it out today.  Ladies, ladies, ladies!  Success.  It was advertised as Opera Winfrey's favourite sports bra and if its good enough for Opera it's good enough for me.

To quote the advertising blurb - Enell Sports Bra is designed for well-endowed women.  It minimizes breast movement, eliminates chaffing and provides back support.  Trust me it really is fab.

 

Driving the Hong Kong way

Chaos on Hong Kong roads

EXPERIECED DRIVER

I successfully passed my driving test, first time, over 25 years ago and, therefore, have been a qualified driver since that point.  Apart from my stint in the Magic Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, when I wasn't allowed to drive due to my feminine demeanor (it's true), I have been driving various vehicles on various roads since then.  I have negotiated the steep, narrow country lanes of West Yorkshire when I built up my left bicep doing scary hill starts.   I have managed snow and ice driving.  I have bumped across the desert and stopped on the motorway for camels in Bahrain where I saw enough accidents to last a life time.  I have delivered my children to parties in unknown streets and picked them up again as well as skilfully managing fastening child seats, serving Tommy tippee cups and chopped apple, singing along to child friendly music WHILE driving. 

All of this evidence means that I am a driver with experience.

GEOGRAPHY HURDLE

However, since arriving in Hong Kong I have regressed.  Even the break neck speed and reckless Arabic  driving style did not prepare me for Hong Kong roads.   My main hurdle is geography.  Even after being here a considerable amount of time, understanding the road signs seems to rely on the power of telepathy.  Although there are signs to,say,  Kwun Tong, how do you know when you've got to Kwun Tong?  There is no sign to tell you and everything looks the same and there are no spaces in-between areas.  It's all just one huge metropolis.  How can you tell if you have left Jordan and are in Prince Edward or Mong Kok?  What's the blooming difference?

Parking is prohibitively expensive and don't talk to me about tunnel fees.  Then there is the lack of understanding regarding the rules of roundabout use.

FRIENDLY WAVE IS EXPECTED

But its the complete lack of courtesy that is the most difficult to deal with.   I am programmed to queue and am hard wired to be a polite road user.  I am English after all.  So if someone in front is signalling to change lanes then it is protocol, in England anyway, to allow that person to manoeuvre in front of your car and you, as a sensible, polite and intelligent driver, to give him/her space to do that.  It is then quite normal, no expected, that a friendly wave to acknowledge this politeness is executed. 

EYES FRONT AND IGNORE

Hong Kong drivers seem blissfully unaware that other drivers need to change lanes at all and will, eyes front, continue to drive at the same speed, ignore your signal and even speed up to fill the gap so there is no chance of a safe manoeuvre causing you to drive to somewhere you don't even know and never wanted to go to in the first place.  Then they have the nerve to beep their horn!  This can also be done while queuing for tunnels.  Everyone is crawling along.  Eye contact, friendly nods or acknowledgment of the presence of other drivers can easily be made, but it never is.  No weakness must be shown.  Any attempt at lane changing at the tunnels is a serious chess move which, surprise surprise causes check mate regularly.  If no one will let anyone else in where are we all going? 

There is no courtesy on Hong Kong roads.

DOG EAT DOG

Is this dog eat dog attitude an indication of the real nature of Hong Kong people?  Perhaps their obsession with making money is the same attitude that is otherwise only exposed when they get behind the wheel of a car and their polite persona in other areas is merely a front, hiding the real cut throat 'I come first' stance?

Durham Big Meeting

Marching down Elvert, Durham

County Hotel, Durham

Big Wigs on Durham Racecourse

Durham Big Meeting  11^th July 2010

 Every second Saturday in July is Durham Miners Gala or the Big Meeting as its known.  I have been told that I’ve been before but I was little and don’t remember.  I was carried on my dad’s shoulders above the crowd, left on a wall with an ice cream for a bit, then picked up again and carried some more.  My dad’s getting on a bit now (80 in October) so not able to put me on his shoulders for as long these days, but I didn’t moan too much  and just walked.

 

COLLIERY BANNERS

There are no mines any more but the pit villages of the north east still maintain the tradition of coming together for this day.  They still have their colliery banners which are paraded through the City of Durham past the County Hotel, for the dignitaries to see, with their brass band accompanying them on the march past.

 

AN IMPORTANT DAY OUT

It’s a rousing sight and hundred of people come to Durham to watch them march.  The traffic stops and the police are in charge of guiding each colliery band and banner through the streets finishing at Durham Race Course.  Some are there for the day out with their family.  Some are there to drink beer.  Some are there to help carry the banner, an honour.  Some are there to play in the brass band.  Some are there because they are ex-miners and proud.   Some are there to support their union and some are there because they just always go. 

 

It really doesn’t matter why because it’s a grand day out.

 

POLITICAL EVENT

It’s a working mans event.  If I was going to be political about it I would have to say it’s a left wing socialist event.  The Socialist Worker and the Morning Star were on sale and the editors of those papers were on the stage.  There was also Mrs Arthur Scargill the ex-leader of the mine workers union and Ken Livingston (Red Ken to his mates) was the keynote speaker.  The words ‘brothers and sisters’, comrades and ‘suffering of the poorest in our society’ were banded around quite a lot.  It was an opportunity to criticize David Cameron’s new austerity measures and generally have a pop, unchallenged, about the new coalition government. 

 

In the meantime during these highly charged political speeches the fare ground continued to play its music, people continued to picnic on the grass and the banners and bands rested around the edges of the field.  Whatever their reason for turning up didn’t matter, they were all having a great time.

 

Here is a  poem written by my dad about the event.

 

Durham Big Meeting

By Bert Draycott  W.C.S.P.

 

Banners bands and people

Filling every street

On the second Saturday in July

When the Durham miners meet

The city traffic stops that day

Everyone goes on foot

And the pubs are open all day log

It’s true, they never shut

 

Every colliery village sends a banner and a band

To march and play in Durham streets

The sight is really grand

Just banner after banner, down

Elvet and past the jail

Banners bellowing in the breeze

Like galleons in full sail

 

When Fishburn (my banner) comes along

Your chest sticks out with pride

And you step off from the pavement

And march along beside

With the bairn sat up on your shoulders

And your work mates from the pit

While the band plays The Blaydon Races

Or one of the latest hits.

 

Hey- you’ve never seen as many shows

In all your life

No wonder every pitman goes, and takes

The bairns and wife

You can see the tattooed lady, shuggy boats

And bumper cars

Flying chairs and a boxing booth

And in there you might see stars

Then you’ll meet old friend and stand and crack

And then go on your way

And hope to see them all again

On Durham Big Meeting Day.

 

 

 

Circuit Training - Sai Kung Tang Shiu Kin Sports Ground

Teacher's Race!

Sai Kung is a marvelous place to live.  I know I am in danger of become a Sai Kung bore but I believe it to be true.  Once you live in Sai Kung you'll never have to go anywhere else.  There is no need for fancy, expensive gym membership because there is - wait for it - the 'outside' for running in.  No need for running machines installed infront of televisions to slowly stagnate the brain because it is possible to step outside your door and just start your exercise.

OUTDOOR TRAINING

As well as the countryside there is also the excellent public facility right in the centre of the town, Sai Kung Tang Shiu Kin Sports Ground.  The track has people running all the time.  Some are potential Olympians and some are grannies flip flopping their way around, beware of them - they may overtake you. 

ninab@netvigator.com  Nina Blacklock

As an added extra bonus there is the lovely Nina Blacklock who offers outdoor circuit training sessions at the ground, Monday to Thursday every week and I strongly recommend them.

DO YOU WANT  CHALLENGE?

There are beginners and general sessions in the evenings which involve getting your heart thumping out of your chest and a copious amounts of sweat gushing from your skin.  There is a mixture of women and men and ability.  Be warned, Nina will challenge you! 

A typical class will start off with a run around the track.  Yes you heard me, all the way round one time.  I have to admit to being stunned at being asked to do such a thing the first time and really thought I would never make it. But, at my own pace I did it.

WHAT TO EXPECT

She will follow this by stretching and balance warm ups and then the fun starts.  Making good use of the sports ground we will be given exercises to do which target various parts of the body.  There will be lunges and squats, press ups, triceps dips, sprints, planks - pant pant pant - may be a rest if you're good, but no slacking at this point because you'll probably have to do it all again, then core then may be another run around the track and of course the stretch and cool down to finish.

By that time an hour will have disappeared and we'll all be begging for mercy...not really (well a bit) But it is worth it for the fantastic buzz of endorphins and with any luck those stubborn fat stores will be left at the track instead of hanging around my middle.

CONTACT NINA

If you are interested you can contact Nina Blacklock on her email for more details of times. ninab@netvigator.com

The photo is me running at my school's sports day in the dreaded teachers race - something I never would have attempted before Nina's Outdoor Sessions.   Whether this is a good or a bad thing?  The jury is still out on that one.
 

 

 

Steamers Sai Kung

NEW IMPROVED MENU

Steamers is a Sai Kung institution.  I highly recommend it.  The staff are friendly and helpful and the food is delicious.  They do a great curry as well as other gems from their, mostly, western menu.  On Sundays it is an excellent choice of venue for a roast dinner which includes Yorkshire pudding.  You get a huge pile of meat (beef, chicken or lamb) lashing of gravy and lots of veggies for under $100.  Then there is their Full English Breakfast which is everything you'd expect and includes tea and toast.  There is really more than you can eat (personal opinion obviously). 

ALFRESCO DINING

The atmosphere changes depending on the time of day.  It can be a quiet and peaceful place for breakfast or it can be full of sports fans enjoying the game and getting very vocal.  The best thing about Steamers is the private court yard outside where you can sit and enjoy that fresh Sai Kung air (everything is just peachy in Sai Kung, don't listen to the API index!) and do a spot of people watching to your hearts content.

Steamers,66 Yi Chun St, Sai Kung, tel 2792 6991.

What do you hate?

As I mature and develop into a much wiser human being (that just means I'm getting old) I now know there are things I just don't like.  At some point there will be things you only think you don't like but may not have actually tried them.  But as the years go by and more experiences are open to you, you have opportunities to try different things.  You can't like everything can you? 

By the process of elimination I now have a very definite list of things I don't like, dare I say, hate?

So here is my worst case scenario.

I am alone on a boat.

The toilet facilities involve squatting.

The only thing to eat is tinned tomatoes with brown sauce and piccalilli.

The tv remote has broken and the only programme I can watch is Extreme Makeoverr Home Edition.

I only have access to the South China Morning Post without the letters page and The Sun.

When not watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition and Sky News I have to play Monopoly.

The only beverage is espresso.

I am visited at night by a rat.

 I am visited occasionally by a rotweiler.

The sun is burning hot and I have no suncream or shade but my feet are in a cold draught all the time.

The only decoration on the boat is a picture of Hello Kitty.

I can listen to music but it is classical and jazz.

My clothes are all made from 100% polyester.

The only cooling device is a ceiling fan.

I have long hair.

Sometimes I am allowed off the boat, say if the water is too calm so I actually stop feeling sea sick, and taken on a trip where I visit a dried fish and tofu shop.

I am made to join a prayer circle.

So what makes you sick, what makes your skin crawl, what brings you out in a cold sweat?

  

Nipple Covers

BEST KNICKERS

Marks and Spencer's is a very reliable and homey shop.  You just know where you are with M&S.  Their products are renowned for lasting many washes, especially their under garments.  You can't beat a pair of M&S knickers.

A NEW PRODUCT?

When I was browsing the under garment section I discovered a new product.  Something I had never seen before.  In a small plastic pouch was 'nipple covers'. I was intrigued by  this item.  It was not possible to open the package in the shop so truly believing all M&S goods to be of a high standard I made a purchase.

THE COLD AND NIPPLES

For those of you mystified as to why a girl should require nipple covers I will attempt to throw light on the matter.  You see, when its a bit cold, and your top is a bit on the flimsy side, nipples tend to pop out for the world to see.  Living in air conditioned Hong Kong this happens a lot.  You step inside after being out in a hot and humid 30+ degrees and out they pop.

I thought that using this new fangled item would be the answer to this little problem.

TEST RUN

The next morning I decided to try them.  I opened the packet to find they were made from a thin 'band aid' type material in the shape of large daisies.  The center of the daisy was a slightly padded circle.  It was early, it was dark in my bedroom, I wasn't properly awake to read the 'How to Apply' section on the back of the packet and besides I couldn't find my glasses.

It seemed straight forward.  I peeled off the backing paper and stuck them over my nipples. Easy.

I got dressed, went to work.  Never gave them a second thought.  I wasn't aware of people pointing at me on the air conditioned bus saying "Waa look at her nipples sticking out" so I presumed they were working.

THE REMOVAL -PANIC

When I got home after a hards days toil the first thing I did was strip off and get in the shower.  Upon the removal of my clothes I remembered the hastily applied nippled covers as I glanced at myself in the bathroom mirror.  "Best take them off now" I thought to myself.

Easier said than done.  The very thin sticky cover was almost impossible to get hold of.  I have nails but I couldn't just get one under the edge of the nipple covers to remove them.  I showered.  Tried again.  No better.  I showered again and used lots more shower gel to soften the fabric (steady on now!).  Still couldn't get hold of the edge to pull them off.  They were well and truly attached to my breasts and did not want to come off.

I found my glasses and the discarded packet and read the instructions.  This was not enlightening at all.  It just said stick them over nipples, peel them off when you are finished.  No clues, no hints.

STILL NOT REMOVED - GULP

About half an hour had gone by since I got home and I was still naked in the bathroom attempting to remove the offending articles.  Eventually I managed to get my thumb nail under the edge of the left one and began to peel it off.  Oh my God!  The pain was excruciating.  There was no way I could just rip it off quickly.  I had to slowly, slowly, millimeter by millimeter pull it off and try not to pass out with pain.

OH THE PAIN

I have had two children, I have ran a marathon.  I know pain.  But this?  It was really making me feel nauseous.  I came out in a hot and cold sweat and began to shiver.  Perhaps I was in shock?  I am guessing that the process took about 10 minutes and it was such a relief to remove the torturous devil item from my delicate anatomy.  But wait, horror of horrors - there was still the other one to remove.

I was almost crying at the thought.  I had a lie down to physiologically build myself up to the removal of the second nipple cover. 

It was the same horrible experience.  Sweating, shaking and on the brink of tears.

DON'T DO IT!

Gentle readers - do not ever buy these items.  They should have a health warning written on the packaging.  I definitely do not recommend them.  Don't be fooled by the steady and reliable Marks and Spencer's brand.  Give them a wide berth.

Eye Sight and Aging

I am aware that I am getting old.  I am proud of my achievements so I don't necessarily mind that my body is beginning to show signs of aging and to be honest I think I'm wearing pretty well.  I have seen those extreme make-over programmes where women take off all their clothes and reveal swathes of extra skin hanging around where skin shouldn't normally be and then require a plastic surgery procedure to tighten it all back up.  All very horrific but actually making me feel better about my own carcass.

I am in the habit of buying lotions and potions for my sagging neck and crows feet and I am addressing the issue of muscle tone and decreasing bone mass at a twice weekly exercise class.  This is all pro active anti aging stuff to preserve me. 

The one thing that I didn't really expect was failing eye sight.  There are no lotions or potions for not being able to see to read.  It all started about 4 years ago when I reluctantly succumbed to a pair of reading glasses for home use only which were intended for reading privately and never to be brought out in a public place. God forbid.  After a few months I was forced to use them at work and that involved carrying them around just in case I needed to read something. They would definitely not be on face as a general rule because that would be like giving in to being old. 

I have to admit that for a while I took to using one of those chains you loop the arms through and so they hang like a necklace.  They are easy to find and it does stop them getting so damaged.  However I began to feel like Miss Jean Brodie and very school ma'am so I ceased that technique and moved over to the more sexy 'keeping them in the neckline of the blouse' method.  This was OK for a bit although the disadvantage of that is they fall out every time you bend over.  I just carry them around in a case these days. 

So I had to fess up to being a wearer of glasses at work and at home.  Then came the problem of finding them.  Were they at work or were they at home?  The constant searching became tiresome so I purchased an extra pair. 

An ever declining scenario of deterioration.  All such actions meaning that my eye sight, due to old age was failing.

One of the biggest decisions was restaurant use.  For ages I just would not take them out with me but after a few meals where I just couldn't read the menu at all and had to rely on husband to order for me I had to come to terms with the fact that without my reading glasses I couldn't peruse a menu and for me which is essential to the great enjoyment that is eating out.  Nowadays my reading glasses (and I have 3 pairs) are in my handbag at all times and are taken out and put on for all sorts of different reasons; reading price tags in shops, texting, looking at my ipod menu (why does that have to be SO small?), reading notes from kids, reading my ridiculously small lap top screen.  Without glasses I am disadvantaged.

But the most awkward situation is bathroom use.  I have not really solved the problem of needing glasses in the shower.  I have really badly shaved legs and armpits because I can't see if I have removed the growth or not so I just guess.  I can't see if I have plucked my eyebrows accurately.  I can't see if I have to re-do the gray coverage on my pigment deficient hair.  And the worst and most embarrassing is I can't see to pluck the large ugly black hair that continues to grow with surprising stelth and robustness on my top lip - eek!

What do I do?  Is there such a thing as bathroom glasses?   Answers on a postcard please...

Superfluous Hair

I have a question for the world.

Bobby          Murkin                 Brazilan in action

Why is it acceptable to have hair on some parts of the body but totally and utterly unacceptable for it to sprout on other parts?

Let me be more specific.  Why is it that I, as a woman, cannot have under arm hair whereas men can?  Or that I cannot have hair sprouting from the edges of my bikini bottoms or anywhere on my legs whereas men can have great forests of it poking out from every seam but remove it from their chins?

Last week I had my legs waxed for the first time ever in my 39 years.  It was OK, I didn't even swear or cry.  But it got me thinking.  Why am I putting myself through this pain?  Hair grows on my legs, why not just leave it?

Chinese men cultivate long hair from facial moles but have little hair on their legs. It's true.  After extensive research over the summer - which means I looked at loads of Chinese men's legs while on the MTR, I have categorically concluded that Chinese men do not have leg hair.  And also, why is it that female leg hair is a complete no no while men, but not Chinese men, can have tons of it and wear shorts?   The mole hair is lucky but other facial hair is removed as part of the morning routine (apart from men with beards obviously, but that is just wrong).

It seems a strange situation to me.  Some people have hair where they don't want it and don't have hair where they do want it.  Hair is so confusing don't you think?  Balding men are targeted by loads of hair restoring adverts claiming to successfully grow hair on heads yet they religously remove the hair from their chins.  Hairy legged and hairy lipped women are targeted by loads of adverts claiming to remove the unwanted growth with cream, razors, threading, sugaring, lasers, plucking or waxing, the choice is extensive.  Then there are the products to remove the underarm hair or public hair.  The pubic hair removal seems to be the most creative of all.  The choice of shape is incredible.  Landing strip, heart shape and the dreaded yet extremeley interesting Brazilian.  Its all about removal, but the hair on our heads is precious and must be preserved at all costs.

But why do we have to pretend we have no hair on our female bodies apart from our heads?  Why do we continue battling against it when it will always grow back?  Why do some bald men try to hide their hair transplants or wigs and strive to regrow hair on their shiny pates?   Or even worse tend to their comb-overs when we can all plainly see that they have no hair on top.  Do they think a thin strip of greased down hair is really disguising the baldness? Why do women rush for the razor when there is occasion to wear a swimming costume?  As if the world is unaware that they have hair on their pubes.  Everyone knows that, stop fooling yourself!

So I put it to you all.  Let's stop removing hair and lets stop adding hair where it has already fallen out.  Life will be much simpler when we can all let our gardens grow full and bushy.