Lesley in Hong Kong

Swimming

Swim Training - oh no 

Years ago I used to be a good swimmer.  For a while I was part of a team who trained and improved and entered competitions.  In my childhood memory this seems like it was years of intense training, but it probably wasn't,  and that feeling of desperately not wanting to swim another stroke and crying while I was completing the 40th lap (and that was just the warm up) is more pronounced in my memory than any enjoyment of winning a race.

Teaching

I never warmed to competitive swimming but I did go on to be a swimming teacher and teach children and adults to swim.  It is a marvellous moment to see a person going from non swimmer to swimmer and then just get better and better as their confidence kicks in.  I maintain that everyone can swim, I did not actually teach them, they could always do it really.

I spent years being either in the water or on the edge of a pool in charge of other people's children.  I don't want to sound over dramatic here but - this is a life and death situation.  It would be a little awkward to explain to a parent that you started off with a class of 20 and only returned 19 and it was their particular child who...

Follow the Rules

Strict rules had to be set.  No running, no back flips, no spins, no diving in the shallow end, no bombing, no no no no.  All for the ultimate safety of my students and peace of mind of all concerned.  It has been a constant embarrassment for my own children over the years because when being around a swimming pool in the capacity of holiday maker for leisure and not actually on duty as TEACHER, I would find it extremely difficult to not shout WALK or call someone over to 'have a word' about just how dangerous bombing can be if you hit the base of your spine on the pool floor, or go into detail about how severe a neck injury can be...

Swimming Style

The other thing I find hard to leave behind, now that I am not a swimming teacher, is technique.  Of course I don't say anything, but I do look on at struggling swimmers and want to give them the odd tip about how not to look like they are drowning or how to leave the pool feeling they've had a work out but have not swam very far.

Front Crawl

It's all about the breathing.  Statistically* 1 in 10 people are unable to swim with a flat body position, do side breathing whilst simultaneously doing a straight leg kick and move the arms smoothly, breaking the water with the fingers - and repeating this action for a whole length.

Instead there are many versions of front crawl to be seen in every swimming pool.  The worst one being attempting this stroke with the head up at all times whilst thrashing at the water with bent elbows and flailing the head meaninglessly from side to side.   Alternatively its the one where they start with the head down, it looks good for two arm pulls, then the head is lifted forward, an attempt at breathing takes place, the head is moved from side to side, optional snorting noises at this point, before it is placed back down again 

Breaststroke  

It is a fact* that 97.7%* of women are taught to swim this stroke correctly but some how cannot stop themselves from doing it wrong.  They persist in going to default granny-stroke-mode.  The advantage of this is the hair stays dry and breathing can be successfully maintained at a normal resting rate.  They can stroll around a pool using the granny-stroke technique in the same way they can window shop.  It is pointless and there is no result.  The disadvantage is that you look silly and old.  This is a true and tested statistic*.  9 out of 10 teenagers who were asked to rate the swimming technique of their mothers rated it as 'silly' and did not hold back in calling it granny-stroke and, therefore, ladies, it makes you look old.

So instead of looking like a champion

You look like this.

 

Backstroke

Apart from in the correct and proper context ie an Olympic race, it should never be attempted in a public swimming pool unless you want to seriously piss everyone else off.

Butterfly

See backstroke advice.

 

*(I made up the statistics) 

 

 

 

Competitive Cooking

Each day I need to eat a meal. I manage this reasonably well and can cook food to keep myself and my family healthy with the added bonus of it being tasty and enjoyable to eat.  I shop for food, put the food away once its brought home, cook the food at the right time in order to have the food at the right temperature at the designated meal time.  After that the washing up needs to be done, the crockery and cutlery put away and then the process is repeated at the next meal time.

Its a basic routine that occurs otherwise we'd all be hungry.

No medals

It is not really that hard, I have not been given nor do I expect, any gold medals for this function.   I have not been abused or lost my temper and stormed out during a tricky grilling technique and so far I have had no exciting soundtrack to heighten my mood to cause anxiety and tension, while rolling out a pie topping.

While going through the various processes of peeling or chopping vegetables I have not waved a knife around with a flourish to draw attention to myself because when it comes down to it, chopping a vegetable, particularly an onion, is quite a mundane thing.

the wrong way?

Chopping Onions Must Stop

So if I see one more celebrity bloody chef on the telly demonstrating how to chop a bloody onion AGAIN I will ... I will... I will... probably switch channels.  But I really want them to just stop being so patronising in their attitude towards cooking and to put an absolute halt on the close-up filming of chopping onions, sharpening knives in a menacing way, as if they are related to Anthony Hopkins, and most of all stop, just please stop, with the competitive element of cooking meals.

There are thousands of people out there who have to trudge around supermarkets to keep the food stocks in their home.  Those same people have to produce meals for different age groups and different tastes to keep everyone happy every day.  They do not get a medal or even a round of applause, probably just hurty red marks cut into their hands from carrying heavy bags home from the shop. 

Then they sit down for a relaxing hour our two before bedtime to be confronted with horrific competitive cooking television programmes like Come Dine with Me, Masterchef or Iron Chef where quite incredibly cooking a meal is manipulated into being something of an Olympic sport where the response can be highly critical reducing participants to tears when a very polite (if you were brought up proper)  'Thank you for my tea, please can I leave the table" is the only correct response, the request will be granted and then everyone can get on with the other, more important, stuff they have to do, usually not cooking.

PS When I say I want celebrity chefs to go away I didn't mean all of them, particularl Curtis Stone, he's nice!

Curtis Stone

 

Confirmation that Speedos should be worn by all men

St. Kilda's Beach Australia

Please watch the Man dancing to LMFAO with his boom box.

 

Speedos - My Confession

I will not back down on this subject.  Speedos are good.  Speedos make sense.  Watch the video of the guy in Australia.  And obviously no one complained when David Wilkie won his gold medal at the Olympics wearing said perfectly acceptable swim wear.

 

 

 

Stuff White People Like by Christian Lander

 

 

I saw this and thought "It must mean me?"

Hooked by this title I read on...  to a point it is very true and full of witertaining observations from a white, western point of view although it is based on the assumption that all white people live in America and have an affinity to Canada so that part fell on stony ground for me, and to some extent also assumes a maleness and even possibly an under 40sness.  I'm just saying!

He has a website also full of wise words about 'stuff' Stuff White People Like and if you like that you might also like a quick surf at White Whine.com A Collection of First-World Problems  which puts 'stuff' into perspective for those rich spoilt brats out there.

Here is a snippet from SWPL

Outdoor Performance Clothes

As white people get older, they like to have clear boundaries between their professional and personal lives.   They don't mind talking about their personal life at work, but they hate talking about their work life when they are enjoying a weekend or vacation.  But with BlackBerry's and laptops, white people could be working anywhere, at any time.  So how do you know when they are off the clock?  It's easy;  just check their clothes.

When white people aren't working, they generally like to wear outdoor performance clothes.  The top suppliers of these garments and accessories include North Face, REI, Mountain Equipment Co-Op, Columbia Sportswear and Patagonia.  When you see white people wearing these brands, it is important that you do not discuss business matters.  Instead you should say things like 'Where did you get that fleece?" and "What's that thing holding your keys to your shorts?" White people will be more than happy to talk to you about their sustainably produced possessions.

The main reason white people like these clothes is that they allow them to believe that at any moment they could find themselves with a Thule rack on top of their car headed to a national park.  It could be 4:00pm on a Saturday when they might get the call. "Hey, man, you know what we need to do?  Kayak then camping, right now.  I'm on my way to get you.  There is no time to change clothes."

Though this is unlikely that they will ever receive this call, white people hate the idea of missing an opportunity to enjoy outdoor activities just because they weren't wearing the right clothes.

If you plan on spending part of your weekend with a white person, it is strongly recommended that you purchase a jacket or some sort of 'high-performance' T-shirt, which is like a regular shirt, just a lot more expensive.

Mountain Bike Adventure - Lhasa to Kathmandu August 2011

 

 

Lhasa to Kathmandu by Fred Croft

Through Tibet on a bike - a journey not a destination by Fred Croft

 Last August HB embarked upon a most challenging cycle ride starting in Lhasa in Tibet and ending in Kathmandu in Nepal taking in some of the highest mountain passes in the world and also Everest Base Camp.  He covered a distance of 1100km in 18 days and came back 'lighter'.

 

Click on the link which will take you to www.blurb.com a self publishing website where you can preview the book and then place an order.  Its a beautiful coffee table hard back edition containing many breath-taking photographs capturing the experience.

 

The Rule of Pants

Pants - you have to have standards

I ventured into the realms of fashion a couple of days ago and made it known to the world that there are very strict rules regarding the wearing of socks.  If there are still folk out there who are unsure or unaware of the rules please refer to the previous blog called Socks- it's a mine field.  It has been suggested that I add a section about hikers and the red sock and chunky hiking boot plus there has been dispute over dark socks and trainers - honestly its a cheek!

I am now turning my attention to the subject of pants.  I mean pants, the sort you wear under your clothes (not trousers).  Briefs, knickers, panties, underwear, skivvies, smalls (feel free to add more names). 

I think this subject needs to be dealt with according to gender so I will tackle the men first.

There seems to be two main camps when the subject of male underwear is chosen and worn.  One lot prefer the boxer and the other the tighter cotton brief.  I am not a man.  It is a matter of personal choice, I cannot stress this enough.  But it has always been a bit of a mystery to me why men want to wear cotton boxers that have no support or stretch in them.  Surely a little support in that area would be beneficial?  I am just thinking how bras offer such support for females so it follows that the same would be true of the testicle area?  A further advantage of the brief would be less bulk under trousers or shorts, surely?  All explanations would be welcome here.

 

I also need to direct you to my previous blog on speedos and my confession at ths point.

Boxer Shorts

No Commandos Please

The strictest rule for males to adhere to is the wearing of underwear or at least if you have no underwear and are going to wear shorts then it is essential that the shorts have their own sewn in liner offering a snug hammock for the male parts and ensuring there is no embarrassment.  For instance when sitting down with legs apart or casually placing ones foot on a chair giving others an unrestricted view up the leg of the shorts. 

Female Pants

There are hundreds of different styles for women and it should logically follow that there should be enough styles for all the different shaped bottoms in the world.  But you'd be wrong.  Women's pants manufacturers are blind to the fact that pants have to cover cheeks so not make the dreaded VPL (visible pantie line) plus the invention of the thong has merely created a nasty infection spreading razor which is a useless piece of clothing.

Trinny and Susannah do talk some sense when it comes to foundation garments and have exposed a number of out of control wobbling bottoms in their attempt to up the standard of acceptable dress in the UK.  Magic Knickers

Girls, don't continue with ill fitting knickers that dig into your flesh and cause bulges ga lour.  There are some excellent body shaping items in Marks & Spencer these days.

And Spanx have a whole range of items to smooth any lump or bump.  See the Spanx Before and After photographs for yourself.  

 
There is even a male version of Spanx and I don't think men should shy away from this garment.  It could be a revolution for bellies world wide.  Spanx for Men offer compression under garments to help suck in bellies, its the Playtex 18 hour girdle for men.  It had to come one day.

 

Gentle reader, I conducted my own photographic survey this morning of pants in the local vicinity and I was shocked and horrified at some of the sights I found hanging around the place for all to see.  My mother was too shy to hang her pants on the washing line and kept them drying inside for modesty sake!  But some of the examples of shabby, worn out rags that pass  as underwear need to be seriously assessed and made into dusters at once.  (that's what my mother also used to do).  Check your knicker drawer now and if there are any that look like this, put them in the bin.

 

The washed out dark blue
 
 
 

 

 

 

 

                                                      Little and Large

 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Skiddies!

 

 

 

                                            Duster pretending to be underwear.

Socks - it's a mine field!

A law breaker

Are you fashion conscious?

Do you know how to coordinate colours?

Can you accurately tell what a fabric is just by touch?

Or do you simply not care what you look like, have no clue which colour contrasts with another, especially in the morning (then have to suffer it all day) , and constantly make shopping blunders which could be anything from getting the wrong size, wrong material or just plain wrong.

Fashion is a mine field.  There are so many choices to be made not only when shopping for new clothes but every single morning when the wardrobe doors are opened and items must be selected, obviously depending on what's in the wash.

It is the small accessories that can add a certain je ne sais quoi to any outfit.  That statement jewelry, the correctly placed belt or the right shoes can have a dramatic effect.  But the one item which can make or break an outfit is the in the foot area and if the choice of foot ware is wrong you are in serious danger of being ostracised by society and labelled as a total loser.

You think I exaggerate? I do not.  There are so many unwritten rules about sock wearing and I feel it my duty to explain a few points to you all.

No Socks with Sandals - it's the law

The sock wearing rule about wearing socks with sandals should never, under any circumstances, be broken.  If you still do not know about this one and are wondering why people point and laugh at you in the street, why your children walk six paces behind you and you are constantly drinking alone then look at your feet.  Are you an offender?  Are you wearing sandals because the weather has warmed up?  Yes would be a good answer especially in summer.  But have you omitted to leave your socks in the drawer?  Dear reader, even if you want to wear sandals but feel your feet will be cold or will be uncomfortable rubbing on the harsh newly purchased items you still cannot wear socks.  You must suffer cold feet and anything else that comes along because you must never break the sock wearing rule EVER!

Law breaker

Trainers and Sock Rule

If you are a sporty type person or wear trainers for comfort and fashion be aware of the sock wearing rule connected with trainers.  It used to be fine to wear a white ankle length sports sock with trainers.  It is not and never has been fine to wear any other colour of sock with trainers. But that was back in the 80's.  The more modern approach to sock wearing and trainers is the 'trainer sock'.  This is because the new law about sock wearing is that they have to be secret socks that, under any circumstances, must not show above the shoe.

Secret socks. Ssshh we are not really here

School Shoes Rule

As well as secret socks with trainers it has become an absolute crime for school girls to wear school shoes with socks that show above the shoe.  If mothers are not aware of this and are wondering why their daughter is unhappy in school, is sullen or sulky  try looking in her sock drawer.  This could be the answer to all future happiness in her school life.  It is absolutely essential to buy school shoes according to the school rules but also to buy socks according to the rule of socks.  Mums, learn this now, they must not show.  Girls, if your mum or your teacher makes you wear ankle socks that actually give away the fact that you are wearing socks the only alternative is to roll the sock down and flip it under your heel.  That is the method adopted by school girls who want to have friends.  It is a bit like rolling the waist band of your skirt up at the bus stop after you've left home and before you get to school.

This child is lonely and sad

There are other sock wearing rules that one must never break because if you do, the method of your sock wearing can change who you as a person.

Socks with flip flops - makes you a complete idiot.

utterly ridiculous

Knee high socks - for women over the age of 10, makes you a complete flibbertigibbet.

 

Flibbertigibbet

White socks dark shoes, oh no!

For men the pairing of a white sock and a formal dark shoe makes you an untrustworthy car salesman type and people will call you a plonker to your face. If you are actually a car salesmen you will probably not sell many cars unless it is to other white sock wearing/dark shoe wearing men.

Oi Rodney! You plonker

Cartoon Socks - zany?

Cartoon socks are in the same category as cartoon ties.  Must only be worn by male primary school teachers on specified 'fun days' other than that they should be designated to the back of the drawer and forgotten about.  I know people think they are a fun stocking filler at Christmas but they are never meant to be worn by grown males. If worn it makes you a zany fun loving guy, which really means a complete tosser.

Keep them in the back of the drawer for ever

Holes (or potaoes) 

Then there is the most heinous of crimes.  You may have got the length right.  You may have got the colour right.  But your chosen socks for the day have holes in them and, god forbid, you are required to take your shoes off and expose your self as a total slob, loser or cretin who has let themselves go, has no self respect and probably is loved by no one not even your mother.  It is that critical.  Never never never wear socks with holes.

The unloved

Public Warning

Wear socks with due care and attention.  Your future happiness depends on it.

The Flower of Sai Kung

 FAMOUS TOURIST DESTINATIONS

Strategic tourist destinations across the world have had the sense to restrict the building style and advertising to preserve the natural beauty, charm, tranquility and originality of the area.  McDonald’s are only allowed to sell their tasty burgers on the Champs Elysees on condition they tone down their garish golden arches and red logo.  They conformed so on that avenue the M is white.  Sainsbury’s on Mayfair is situated in a stone built Victorian building and is restricted to keeping the original stone façade and window size to blend in with the elegant style of the area.   On the island of  Lanzarote the building of high rises and billboards competing for the attention of tourists was outlawed in the 1970s.   Local artist, Cesar Manrique, saw the way other Spanish holiday resorts had been encased in a ‘concrete coffin’ and his influence means that today the island remains tranquil which is the reason tourists want to go there.

Unspoilt Lanzarote

SHOPS FOR DOGS AND ESTATE AGENTS

Sai Kung Town

Some might say that Sai Kung, the back garden of Hong Kong is also a strategic tourist destination.  So far no one has come up with the amazing new and revolutionary concept of opening a place that has rooms with beds in.  People who don’t live in Sai Kung i.e. tourists, could, wait for it, sleep in the rooms overnight and then in the morning they could be given a breakfast.  There is a charge for this service. Yes, that’s right it’s called - Bed and Breakfast – but it seems so far removed from the consciousness of any business person in Sai Kung who instead are stuck in the rut of opening up shops exclusively for dogs or the buying and selling of property.  We do have to thank our lucky stars that the District Council allows alfresco dining these days although that seems to depend on the mood of the Fun Police who are in the habit of restricting the outside tables outside certain restaurants because…(answers on a postcard please).  I cannot imagine that when tourists have a meal in the Piazza del Signoria in Florence the establishments are at risk of being asked to remove the outside tables.  Of course not, they realize that is what people want the experience.

Fun Police

 

GARISH ADVERTISING - FLOWER PAINT FACTORY

If we are all in agreement that Sai Kung is a strategic tourist destination then why oh, why oh (there it goes again) is the Flower Paint Factory on the approach to Sai Kung, the back garden of Hong Kong, allowed to have the most gigantic garish sign of all time placed on their hideous concrete building showing a complete lack of appreciation and concern for local residents with blatant disregard for the aesthetic of the town.  Why does it feel the need to advertise anyway? It’s not like the general public can even go in there to buy paint so who exactly is the advert aimed at?

 

Don’t get me started on Star Plaza!

 

 

Strawberry Picking - Hong Kong

Here I am snipping the strawberries

 

http://yl.com.hk/sbg/index.html

 

STRAWBERRY PICKING - SHA TAU KOK ROAD

Today I picked about 5lbs of strawberries on a pick-your-own-farm up towards Fanling in the New Territories.  In fact it's almost in China and there is the border with a policeman and a big sign saying Permit Holders Only'.  There is a big Buddhist temple on the right of Sha Tau Kok Road with many people burning paper offerings to their ancestors, some quite nice gardens with some carp swimming about although it could do with a clean and general prune.  One Buddhist temple is much like any other round these parts but this one has stalls with dried and fresh produce for sale.  The added bonus is the strawberry picking field.

My punnet (see below) cost $140 and right now I am making jam!

I would never have believed it possible but its really true.  It is strawberry picking for softies in that the plants are grown on plastic sheeting so no need to get any dirty soil on your Guccis plus they provide a handy pair of kiddie scissors for snipping the stalks.

 

A basket full of strawberries    $140 please

 As well as that I have now made organic carrot and corriander soup.  It's all good.

BREAKING NEWS - JAM IN JARS

Extra bonus addition to this blog - it is now Tuesday 5th April and the jam is now in jars.

The first attempt resulted in 4 jars of jam but it didn't set.  So I put two jars back in the pan, added apple skin and boiled for longer.  This resulted in set jam but it reduced down to only one jar.  It is yummy but in no way economical. 

Fairyland - Foot Massage and Hard Skin Removal - Shanghai

 

Feet

SOOTHING MASSAGE

After a tremendous amount of walking around Shanghai one Saturday on a weekend mini break our feet were throbbing and in need of some attention.  We didn't plan to visit Fairyland Health and Beauty on Nanjing Pedestrian Street, it seemed to find us.  I think it had a magnetic charm that lulled us up the stairs into completely unknown territory.  There was a short period of uncertainty until I was sure it was a respectable establishment because its just awful when it's not, don't you just hate it when that happens?

RELAXING MUSIC

In the blink of an eye we were made comfortable in a darkened room with relaxing music and our feet were soaked in fragrant water while the masseurs paid our shoulders much need attention.  A special bonus of a shoulder rub just to make up the time while the feet are cleansed and softened up ready for the foot massage.

HARD SKIN REMOVAL

The massage was excellent and I would have no reservations in recommending Fairyland if you are ever in need of stress relief and are in Shanghai at the same time.  But actually the best bit was the hard skin removal service.  For an extra 48 RMB a specially skilled man was summoned into the room yielding a blade.  Or was it a scalpel or was it an incredibly sharp chisel?  As I say it was a darkened room so it was hard to tell.  But the hard skin removal master was well equipped to work on feet in a darkened room.  He was wearing a head torch.  I guess he had a been boy scout when he was younger so was always prepared.  He set to work with the chisel and with the lightest touch he managed to  shave off what looked like snow flakes from my feet.  The towel was soon covered and I caught the masseurs looking sideways at each other at the surprising amount of dead skin building up as he dutifully shaved my feet.

The service was excellent, shoulder, feet and shaving of said feet. We floated out.  Wow!

Hard skin removal man wearing head torch

The man in the head torch made Fairyland an extra special experience and I want him to come and live in our house.

Lost Heaven, Yunnan Folk Cuisine, Shanghai

Yunnan Folk Cuisine Restaurant

http://www.lostheaven.com.cn/

Situated on Ya'an Dong Road, Shanghai this truly wonderful restaurant uses the flavours and ingredients of the Mountain Mekong Region to produce a spectacular menu. The dishes are influenced by flavours from Tibet, Burma, Thailand and the Yunnan Province of China.  The layout and decor is visually stunning and so is the menu and so are the chairs and so are the photographs displayed around the walls showing breathtaking images of the Yunnan area taken by David Hartung.  His photographs are also featured on the website if you care to check it out (Gallery).  But the nitty gritty of any restaurant, regardless of its lovely chairs and interesting toilets, is the food.  What does it taste like? 

I'll tell you. 

BEST FOOD EVER

At Lost Heaven I ate some of the best food I have ever had in my life.  It sounds like hyperbole and exaggeration doesn't it?  I really mean it.  I am being honest about the flavours.  So different, so refreshing and so scrumptious. 

The Yunnan Wild Vegetable Cakes (SEE PICTURE) served with a tomato relish were simple, beautiful. I enjoyed the chicken with seven spices as well as the mixed vegetables in a tamarind sauce.  The Crispy Pork was crispy, it was crackingly delicious.  The Tea Leaf Salad, a speciality dish from Burma, was the best dish which consisted of finely chopped, freshly picked tea leaf tips with a mixture of dried broad beans, peanuts and other yummy stuff.  I really don't know exactly what was in it I just know I needed to eat more of it. 

Lost Heaven gets a huge thumbs up from me.  When in Shanghai - go there.

Beautiful decor

Enell Sports Bra - Opera's favourite

I have a never ending quest to find a good sports bra.  A bra that I can wear for exercise.  A bra that will do what it says on the box.  To be explicit it is a bra that will support my breasts during a moderate to hard run, in a public place, and ensure that 'the girls' are kept under control throughout a bout of jumping jacks, spotty dogs and even skipping. 

I have tried lots, some good, some not so much.  Even if they are good to start with, after a few months of sweatie workouts, washing and drying they loose their support and turn into an overstretched grey rag.

I have not found any suitable sports bras that fulfill my needs in any shop in Hong Kong.  I have given up and taken to buying online.

My latest online purchase arrived from Ladiesonlysports.com and I tested it out today.  Ladies, ladies, ladies!  Success.  It was advertised as Opera Winfrey's favourite sports bra and if its good enough for Opera it's good enough for me.

To quote the advertising blurb - Enell Sports Bra is designed for well-endowed women.  It minimizes breast movement, eliminates chaffing and provides back support.  Trust me it really is fab.

 

Driving the Hong Kong way

Chaos on Hong Kong roads

EXPERIECED DRIVER

I successfully passed my driving test, first time, over 25 years ago and, therefore, have been a qualified driver since that point.  Apart from my stint in the Magic Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, when I wasn't allowed to drive due to my feminine demeanor (it's true), I have been driving various vehicles on various roads since then.  I have negotiated the steep, narrow country lanes of West Yorkshire when I built up my left bicep doing scary hill starts.   I have managed snow and ice driving.  I have bumped across the desert and stopped on the motorway for camels in Bahrain where I saw enough accidents to last a life time.  I have delivered my children to parties in unknown streets and picked them up again as well as skilfully managing fastening child seats, serving Tommy tippee cups and chopped apple, singing along to child friendly music WHILE driving. 

All of this evidence means that I am a driver with experience.

GEOGRAPHY HURDLE

However, since arriving in Hong Kong I have regressed.  Even the break neck speed and reckless Arabic  driving style did not prepare me for Hong Kong roads.   My main hurdle is geography.  Even after being here a considerable amount of time, understanding the road signs seems to rely on the power of telepathy.  Although there are signs to,say,  Kwun Tong, how do you know when you've got to Kwun Tong?  There is no sign to tell you and everything looks the same and there are no spaces in-between areas.  It's all just one huge metropolis.  How can you tell if you have left Jordan and are in Prince Edward or Mong Kok?  What's the blooming difference?

Parking is prohibitively expensive and don't talk to me about tunnel fees.  Then there is the lack of understanding regarding the rules of roundabout use.

FRIENDLY WAVE IS EXPECTED

But its the complete lack of courtesy that is the most difficult to deal with.   I am programmed to queue and am hard wired to be a polite road user.  I am English after all.  So if someone in front is signalling to change lanes then it is protocol, in England anyway, to allow that person to manoeuvre in front of your car and you, as a sensible, polite and intelligent driver, to give him/her space to do that.  It is then quite normal, no expected, that a friendly wave to acknowledge this politeness is executed. 

EYES FRONT AND IGNORE

Hong Kong drivers seem blissfully unaware that other drivers need to change lanes at all and will, eyes front, continue to drive at the same speed, ignore your signal and even speed up to fill the gap so there is no chance of a safe manoeuvre causing you to drive to somewhere you don't even know and never wanted to go to in the first place.  Then they have the nerve to beep their horn!  This can also be done while queuing for tunnels.  Everyone is crawling along.  Eye contact, friendly nods or acknowledgment of the presence of other drivers can easily be made, but it never is.  No weakness must be shown.  Any attempt at lane changing at the tunnels is a serious chess move which, surprise surprise causes check mate regularly.  If no one will let anyone else in where are we all going? 

There is no courtesy on Hong Kong roads.

DOG EAT DOG

Is this dog eat dog attitude an indication of the real nature of Hong Kong people?  Perhaps their obsession with making money is the same attitude that is otherwise only exposed when they get behind the wheel of a car and their polite persona in other areas is merely a front, hiding the real cut throat 'I come first' stance?

Speedos - My confession

Attractive swim wear

RULES OF THE POOL

Years ago I used to be a swimming teacher and one of the rules about entering the swimming pool, for the males, was they should wear Speedos.  It seemed very sensible and logical to me at the time.  I even had a supply of spare ones for those silly boys who forget their own and foolishly turned up for swimming lessons wearing huge impractical board shorts.  "No no no".  I would say.  "You can't move properly in the water wearing those ridiculous items.  All that material flapping around your leg gets in the way of swimming, is uncomfortable and heavy when wet".  And I sent them back to the changing rooms to put on the Speedos I very helpfully kept for such occasions.

SHOWING THIGHS

It was an international school.  The Europeans never batted an eyelid at the rule.  The Americans, well that was another matter.  They hated wearing the Speedos and deemed them underwear.  Even the youngest kindergarten kids thought of wearing Speedos for swimming in was showing your underwear to the world.  The Arab kids hated them too, I guess it was an issue about showing thighs although I never really worked it out.

LYCRA

We had to lighten up on the rule after a while and relaxed it to allowing shorts that covered the leg as long as they were tight.  That essentially meant the boys who couldn't cope with the classic Speedo swam in lycra cycling shorts.

I don't understand why it is unacceptable for men or boys, come to that, to wear Speedos in a public place.  They are much much more practical for swimming in, sunbathing in and they dry quickly. 

HUGE SHORTS

Why oh why are huge, garishly patterned extra long legged board short acceptable attire for swimming in?   They are the most ridiculous item unless, of course, you are actually surfing and then they protect your legs from getting a nasty rash.  But once out of the water should be removed so that the tops of the legs can be evenly tanned.  Otherwise tops of boys legs remain a lily sickly white all year round and that is not a good look.

HAIR REMOVAL

Us females are required to remove all traces of pubic hair so that none of it sticks out from the edge of our tiny tiny bikini bottoms and we have to constantly be on guard against movement of the bikini top in case the tiny triangle moves to one side or the other and exposes a nipple!  But men can be as hairy down below as they please and wear huge shorts to the pool.

Huge shorts do not disguise an expanding waist line or sagging pecs.  The one piece for men has not caught on.  The shorts don't hide anything apart from legs and I for one am not averse to looking at mens legs, whereas a flabby torso is not so good.

WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?

So are we talking about a fear of penis here?  Is it that the wearing of Speedos means that we can make out the outline of the penis under the lycra?  Why?  Let's stop being scared of them and stop pretending they are not there. 

AGREE WITH LESLEY

If you are a supporter of the wearing of Speedos make a banner and parade it  around with you the next time you go swimming.  I suggest I AGREE WITH LESLEY on your sign.  Take a photo and post it on my blog to show your allegiance to the small Speedo instead of the silly board shorts.

 

England 1 USA 1 World Cup 2010

WORLD CUP EXCITEMENT

I am being swept along with the build up to the World Cup.  Ah, memories of a faster heart beat and slight shortness of breath when I reinact previous England games I have watched during previous World Cup tournaments.  I can recreate the electric atmosphere in a bar filled with England fans, the camaraderie, the hilarious banter, the red and white George Cross prominent.  I get exciting and most of all I get patriotic.

SHORT MEMORY

You see for long periods of time I don't like football at all.  I am only and exclusively interested in England games once every four years.  I think it must be like having a baby.  Women have more than one baby because they can't remember the pain of labour, they forget how terrible it was and embark upon second, third and even fourth pregnancies because they get carried away with the falling in love with the baby part and obliterate the part when they were screaming for mercy and any form of pain killer available.

ENGLISH RESPONSIBILITY

I can only remember the thrill of the win.  I forget the disappointing empty feeling I am left with when they lose.  That memory must be shelved somewhere in my hard drive waiting to be deleted forever.  I can't help myself but will England to victory because it is my country.  I can't let them play unsupported, it is my responsibility as an English citizen.

2am WAKE UP CALL

So when I realized that their first match in the World Cup against USA was not on our telly and was at 2.30am I had no hesitation but to commit to viewing it in a bar somewhere in Hong Kong.  I just had to.  OK OK to be honest I was horrified at the kick off time and spent Saturday thinking about watching it or not, but it's so late, so early, so inconvenient... but in the end I decided I would go to bed, set the alarm for 2am, get up and go to Sai Kung.  It's only every four years  after all.

SO PATRIOTIC

And that is what we did.  The hard core, patriotic England supporters where in Sai Kung at 2.30am technically Sunday morning.  POETS was our bar of choice.  We were tucked in the corner with a great view of the screen and the pints of Guinness flowed.  To my surprise there were Americans in the bar too.  Oh well, live and let live!  The thrill of the first goal five minutes in resulted in much cheering and merriment.  It WAS worth getting up at such an unearthly hour.  But then the USA scored.  A plain stupid mistake by the England goalie with slippy gloves saw the score go to 1-1 and we all moaned in unison. 

HALF TIME ACTIVITY

The score remained like that until half time when I had a walk around a very quiet Sai Kung to find The Duke of York, Bacco and Cheers all full of dedicated England watchers.  Steamers was closed. I did spot one drunk at this point but she was causing no trouble, just meandering, staggering home.  I called in the Golden Arches eatery and joined a queue of blokes buying half-time snacks and talking about football.  Two wearing the obligatory football T-shirt and one wearing evening dress, white shirt, black bracers, silk stripe on the trouser.  Wow!  Such a high standard of attire for football viewing I thought.  We all had to wait far too long for our fast food,  McDonald's was not ready for a half time rush! 

DISAPPOINTMENT

Back to POETS for the second half which was uneventful and unconvincing.  That empty feeling was back.  There was no further goal and our boys showed little in the way of creativity or determination to take the lead.  I hope they read my blog and can fully understand the major effort it was to view their lack luster performance at 2.30am only to be let down.  The next game is Friday 18th June against Algeria.

Come on England!

What Next?

LAST TWO - LEE AND CRYSTAL

I know I've been banging on and on about American Idol.  Even when its been a tad boring I have stuck with it.  Now the last week is dawning. Wednesday and Thursday will be the last episodes with only two contestants remaining, Lee and Crystal.

SIMON COWELL

This is good news for Lesley's List because it means that out of the 16 I selected as possibilities to win, I still have one in the final.  Crystal Bowersox made it onto my list during the auditions round and there she is, in the final. So I win a million dollars?  I reckon I am tops at picking out the real talent and so should take over from Simon Cowell as top mean British judge when he stops doing Idol next year.  Season Ten could be Randy, Ellen, Kara and Lesley.   I wonder how much they pay?

WHEN IDOL IS OVER WATCH THE WORLD CUP 2010

But what worries me is - what am I going to do when Idol finishes?  Do you think there are counselling sessions available for viewers who suffer withdrawal symptoms?  People who find themselves  wandering around with stunned expressions, unable to concentrate on anything because their weekly routine has become so entrenched with America Idol they don't know where to turn once its over.   Such people will require post traumatic Americal Idol group counselling sessions where everyone can thrap on about their favourite, why there will never be another Adam Lambert and where on earth is Kriss Allen anyway, they can all practice their favourite judge impression and perhaps even have group sessions involving standing up clapping and yelling You had a moment dawg"  or such like.

Never fear.  I have a suggestion to all Idol addicts - watch the World Cup.

ENGLAND SUPPORT FOR EVER

I never thought I would find myself saying this because watching football is definitely not my thing.  But something happens to me every four years.  I turn into a football fan and I have even considered buying myself a polyester top emblazoned in garish logos.  Obviously I resisted that.  I am patriotic though.  I can't deny it.  I support England.  I really really want them to win.  My football fan hormones are about to kick in.  You know the ones that convince you that England are the best team ever, it's almost like having a child that can do no wrong.  No one can say anything negative about England that I believe and I become blinkered and dogmatic about their skill.

SHORT MEMORY

I have already forgotten about the last time when I was so excited about their every game when my hopes were dashed when they lost and got knocked out.  The world cup is about to start again so the slate is clean.  I await their success with an open heart and I believe they will win.  Engerland, Engerland, Engerland nah nah.

Circuit Training - Sai Kung Tang Shiu Kin Sports Ground

Teacher's Race!

Sai Kung is a marvelous place to live.  I know I am in danger of become a Sai Kung bore but I believe it to be true.  Once you live in Sai Kung you'll never have to go anywhere else.  There is no need for fancy, expensive gym membership because there is - wait for it - the 'outside' for running in.  No need for running machines installed infront of televisions to slowly stagnate the brain because it is possible to step outside your door and just start your exercise.

OUTDOOR TRAINING

As well as the countryside there is also the excellent public facility right in the centre of the town, Sai Kung Tang Shiu Kin Sports Ground.  The track has people running all the time.  Some are potential Olympians and some are grannies flip flopping their way around, beware of them - they may overtake you. 

[email protected]  Nina Blacklock

As an added extra bonus there is the lovely Nina Blacklock who offers outdoor circuit training sessions at the ground, Monday to Thursday every week and I strongly recommend them.

DO YOU WANT  CHALLENGE?

There are beginners and general sessions in the evenings which involve getting your heart thumping out of your chest and a copious amounts of sweat gushing from your skin.  There is a mixture of women and men and ability.  Be warned, Nina will challenge you! 

A typical class will start off with a run around the track.  Yes you heard me, all the way round one time.  I have to admit to being stunned at being asked to do such a thing the first time and really thought I would never make it. But, at my own pace I did it.

WHAT TO EXPECT

She will follow this by stretching and balance warm ups and then the fun starts.  Making good use of the sports ground we will be given exercises to do which target various parts of the body.  There will be lunges and squats, press ups, triceps dips, sprints, planks - pant pant pant - may be a rest if you're good, but no slacking at this point because you'll probably have to do it all again, then core then may be another run around the track and of course the stretch and cool down to finish.

By that time an hour will have disappeared and we'll all be begging for mercy...not really (well a bit) But it is worth it for the fantastic buzz of endorphins and with any luck those stubborn fat stores will be left at the track instead of hanging around my middle.

CONTACT NINA

If you are interested you can contact Nina Blacklock on her email for more details of times. [email protected]

The photo is me running at my school's sports day in the dreaded teachers race - something I never would have attempted before Nina's Outdoor Sessions.   Whether this is a good or a bad thing?  The jury is still out on that one.
 

 

 

Schools Out Seven's In

http://www.cathaypacifichost.com/HKSevens/

Click on the above link and view the short video called "Schools out Seven's In" which is a video submitted by Lucy my lovely daughter. 

Hong Kong Sevens is coming soon and if she gets enough votes she her video will be shown at the stadium as well as actually playing at this most prestigious event.  Yes that's right she is my lovely talented daughter.

The Chippy, Pottinger Street, Hong Kong

The Chippy, a truly British experience.

www.chippy.com

Cultural Holiday

The summer holidays are approaching and soon I will be visiting Blighty for a reminder of the culture I am deprived of.  I haven't been home for a couple of years now so the lure of midget gems, fresh Cadbury's chocolate and cream cakes with real cream in them is becoming intense.  The food hall at Marks and Spencer's and all those supermarkets with aisles big enough for 2 trolleys to pass each other with a vast amount of choice will be so lovely. 

Fish, Chips, Mushy Peas, Bread and Butter, Mug of Tea

Yesterday as a pre holiday treat we went to eat at The Chippy.  It is exactly what you imagine.  It's a chip shop.  A very British chip shop right in Central Hong Kong.  They have recreated the grease and smell of a typical fish and chip shop with a menu that wouldn't be out of place in any town in the UK.  Cod, chips, mushy peas a mug (yes a mug) of tea (Tetleys) and a slice of white bread and butter.   Fish cakes, steak and kidney pie, chips and peas and then the deserts  deep fried Mars bar.  They also offer the full all day English breakfast with black pudding. 

Cholestral Levels

It is all bad but all good on the same place.  I just knew that grease was sticking to my arteries as I was savoring the scrumptious crispy batter on my lovely white flakes of deep fried cod and I knew the butter melting through the white slice as the heat of the chips warmed up the bread was raising my cholesterol levels but Lord I enjoyed it.  The big mug of tea washed all the fat away and left me feeling cleansed yet belt loosening full.

Posh Chips

The decor was, obviously, white tiles with a touch of seaside blue dado, a wall of blackboard for the menu, rickety wooden tables all stocked with the condiments you expect.  HP Brown Sauce, Heinz Tomato sauce, salt and yes you've guessed it - vinegar.  The glass counter had pickled onions and pickled eggs on offer in large glass jars.  The only pretentious features of The Chippy in Hong Kong, which you don't often get in England, is the reading material provided for customers - The Sunday Times Magazine.   The background music was BBC Radio 2 live, via the internet. All a bit posh frankly but it's what us expats expect these days!

Home Sweet Home

The whole experience made us feel comfortable and at home.  The only bad thing was knowing we were in Central and had to travel an hour back to the tranquility of Sai Kung in rush hour.  Once our clothes are washed and the smell of deep fried fat is removed we'll be fine.

 I'll be running tonight to work off those calories.

They're Happy Because

They Eat Chips

Dude...Where's my snowboard?

 

I have just returned from a fabulous week of skiing in Switzerland.  I have got to admit to being quite apprehensive about it.  Not because I can't  ski, I can, but because I thought I might have forgotten how to do it.  After a 6 year gap I genuinely wondered if I could still ski and even if I could would the persistent pain in my knee caps render me incapable of continuing this sport?  It had occurred to me before I went through the gargantuan effort of tightening my boots and clipping into my bindings not mention carrying the skies through the lift pass gate and on to the snow whilst wearing ski boots (always a test) that I would begin to slowly slide down a slope and find myself either totally out of control or, worse, be in so much knee cap area pain that I would have to say "You go ahead, I'll just wait in the coffee shop, no really, I'll be fine" and officially go into ski retirement.

It was an immense relief to find that neither of my concerns came true.  I had remembered how to ski and the daily dose of glucosamine sulphate combined with evening primrose oil had paid off, my knees coped wonderfully well.  If there is anyone out there suffering from knee pain, particularly when going down hill rush out this minute and buy glucosamine sulphate, its a wonder food supplement originally developed for people recovering from cartilage operations but now found to be a great help for aging joints.

Verbier is a cool place full of cool people.  Many many young dudes and dudettes slip and slide around on snowboards making it look effortless and smooth.  I know this not to be the case after having 3 days of snowboard lessons around 10 years ago and finding it impossibly difficult, I gave up and vowed to stick to my two skies.  Snowboarding is for the young.  They can throw themselves into a perfect air to fakie around the slopes at breakneck speed throwing in the occasional front side grab or if they are unlucky a dramatic face plant.  (you can check out the website called Grays on Trays http://graysontrays.com/graysSpeak.php which is dedicated to people of a certain age who have taken up snowboarding and disagree totally with this opinion).

Ski resorts are full of dudes who look cool.  Even their ski pants are low slung giving us all a glimpse of their boxers.  Grungy colours are in.  Ski gear reflects current street wear.  It has to be sloppy and at least two sizes too big.

The dudes in their 20's can continue to damage themselves doing scary tricks and turns and check themselves into the medical center to repair the broken wrists/arms/collar bones - I am unimpressed.  What impressed me most of all, whilst happily doing blue and red runs, was spotting skiers of a certain age who are so confident and at home on the slopes they really do make it look effortless.  Grey haired and wrinkled faces with faded all in one suits were the ones I was truly in awe of.  That is what I aspire to.  Bugger those idiots who are throwing themselves around the powder and disappearing over rocky crags, they are the kind of people who, at the moment, crave coolness BUT will they still be fit and active in their 60s or 70s?  I think not.  Their foolish behaviour will mean they will be unable to continue their sport while the pensioners on skies have maintained, very carefully, their bones and joints (glucosamine sulphate is obviously helping).

The real cool dudes on the slopes are the ones who can still do it well into their bus pass era.  Obviously with me being 39 I have a long way to get their but that is what I want - grey hair, wrinkles and still be fit and active.